Son of Double Feature

My Top Ten Movies of 2010

2011-01-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

2010 has come and gone, and with it, some great and not-so-great movies. Like many, I’m assembling a Top 10 list for 2010 with some of my favorites from the previous year.

Things I seriously expect would be on my Top Ten if I managed to squeeze them in:
* True Grit

I like the Cohen brothers, and I like the John Wayne original. I am expecting good things, but am reserving any opinions until I see it, of course.

* Love and Other Drugs

I, despite myself, am still a heterosexual man, and I need little more impetus than “Anne Hathway is naked in this movie.” And, the thing is, I’ve seen Anne Hathaway naked before (cf. Brokeback Mountain, Havoc.) But it looks quite good, in addition to highlighting her particular features (Mr. Gyllenhaal, I understand it, is also quite the looker for those interested in Y-Chromosomes.)

* The Social Network

This looks simply incredible, and I look forward to seeing it very soon. I, in fact, regret not having seen it, if only because it definitely looks like one of the best things that came out last year.

These movies all looked wonderful and I look forward to seeing them sooner rather than later.

10. Macgruber

Macgruber wasn’t very well-received by a lot of people, and that’s because a lot of people don’t appreciate Will Forte. And shame on you for not doing so, the man is a brilliantly subversive comic and writer (his similarly incredible but marginalized The Brothers Solomon is the kind of thing you either get or you don’t.) It’s a silly homage to 80’s action movies in general and Macguyver in particular that has a lot of great laugh-out loud bits of business in it. Val Kilmer, unfortunately, doesn’t seem to be as surprised as anybody he’s playing the villain.

9. How to Train Your Dragon

Between this, Kung-Fu Panda, and the recent Megamind (which I also skipped this year but looks good,) Dreamworks animation appears to be hitting their stride. It still isn’t playing equal to Pixar, but at least they’re starting to bat in the same ballpark: the humor is more character driven, the stories more complex, and.

8. Date Night

My reasoning here should be eerily familiar for some reason...

But this movie really won me over, despite being a bit middle-of-the-road for my tastes. I love the two of them, and I genuinely felt they were an extremely cute couple. The action sequences are great, as well.

7. The Other Guys

Will Ferrell’s kind of humor is, again, not for everybody, but I think he’s hilarious in this romp, playing a lower key part to Mark Walberg’s explosive manic outbursts. Another action-comedy, although the action here is decidedly lackluster.

6. Machete

Machete is love-it-or-hate-it, as a lot of Robert Rodriguez’s work is. I loved it, the gore is over-the-top, the exploitation is hilariously tongue-in-cheek, and it has a delightfully twisted Latino sensibility (and many beautiful Latinas, in addition to Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez.) It was thoroughly trashy and enjoyable.

5. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Again, I wrote about this earlier, and I feel Scott Pilgrim is going to be hailed as a cult classic in years to come. It was very enjoyable.

4. Shutter Island

I’m not a big Scorcese guy, but this is one of my top movies of last year, despite a somewhat predictable plot twist, it’s an incredibly dark and involving suspense tail that kept me enthralled even as it researched its inevitable conclusion.

3. Inception

Chris Nolan has made equally enthralling explorations of the human psyche before (Memento, Insomnia, even Batman Begins explores fear in an interesting way.) This is no exception. One of the best made movies of last year, in addition to being an incredibly innovative and exciting and well-executed piece of cinematic craft.

2. Black Swan

Black Swan was, simply put, a remarkable film about obsession and madness that explores one woman’s mind as it deteriorates in front of our very eyes, set into the world of ballet and the story of Swan Lake. It has an incredible almost mythic and dreamlike quality to it and uses horror elements to explore the human body pushed to its limit and a mind strained past it. Visceral and disturbing but also completely enthralling, I greatly enjoyed it.

1. Toy Story 3

Toy Story 3 is the kind of movie everybody should see, and everybody did. Wait, you mean you didn’t see it and cry at the ending? You need to go out and watch it right now. It’s getting the same “Best Picture” buzz that Beauty and the Beast got back in 1993, and, to be honest, I liked this even more than that high point of the Disney Renaissance. Without a doubt, one of the best pictures of all time.

New Blog!

2010-08-08T22:25:00.001-07:00

Hey everybody!

I plan on updating this blog infrequently (possibly mixed in with some new 11 Word Movie Reviews,) but you can check out my new blog Advanced Dorks and Deconstruction for movies, comics, video games, geek culture, all through the lens of humanities scholarship.

Thanks!

"My Best Post" Blog-A-Thon

2010-05-01T00:01:00.001-07:00

Courtesy of Scott over at He Shot Cyrus, I'm copying over what he wrote. Feel free to participate and spread it around!

It's the "MY BEST POST" BLOG-A-THON!

Here's the lowdown on this event of the season. I want your best posts. The ones that make you the most proud. It's time to show off your skills, people. Everyone should participate because here's the best part: you've already written your entry!

You've got three weeks to make your choice. If you think you can write a post better than your fans have ever seen before then get to work! On May 21st, it's time to show the goods! E-mail your links to: heshotcyrus@hotmail.com or leave a comment here.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I'll be e-mailing certain bloggers whose work I really admire and asking them to participate. If, for some reason, I forget to ask you...don't worry, I love your blog too and you should feel almost obligated to show off your analytical and literary skills.

Also, a million thanks to my good friend Laura for making this kick-ass graphic!
PLEASE PASS THE GRAPHIC AROUND.
LET EVERYONE KNOW ABOUT THE EVENT.

Never Forget Remember Me

2010-03-20T23:44:00.001-07:00

Seeing Remember Me was something of an unusual experience, to say the least. There were actually many positives to this movie: the performances were really strong (especially from Pierce Brosnan and Twilight’s own Rob Pattinson,) the story was, mostly, really strong and engaging, and it actually engages and grips on a visceral ending. That being said, it has one major negative: the ending.

The ending of this movie, without spoilers, is highly unexpected, devoid of dramatic conflict and resolution, and reeks of Deus Ex Machina. It is an ending so awful that I find myself truly at a loss for words describing it. The truly aggravating part of this is I actually got into this movie. I found myself liking it, despite myself. However, I found myself highly disappointed by the ending. I can only use analogy to describe my disappointment with this ending. If I had been reading the script, and gotten to the ending, I would have thrown down the script in disgust and reached for my cell phone to yell at somebody to rewrite the ending. How anyone agreed to make or perform in this movie, without changing this ending, eludes me. I was so upset I was seriously tempted to begin yelling at the screen, cursing out the movie itself for breaking my trust.

If I were Capt. Jean Luc Picard, this would be my expression upon seeing the ending to this movie. I hope I'm making this clear.

Remember Me is like a new acquaintance you really like who has some incongruous character trait that makes your friendship highly suspect (the example I came up with was an obsessive love of Dave Matthews Band, but you can come up with your own.) Or like a student who gets A’s all through the semester and bombs the final, earning it a grade of C. The ending has to be experienced to be believed, but you can definitely experience it at home in about four months. Or, better yet, just stop watching the movie before the final 10 minutes.

Still in Theaters (March 15th, 2010)

2010-03-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

The following movies are still in theaters, and, instead of writing individually on all them (although all have 11 Word Reviews up) I’d rather just touch on them in brief.

Alice in Wonderland

I was going to mention how I would argue this fits into my masters thesis about Tim Burton movies being an exercise in abjection and masochism through the construction of filmic space, but, really, I’d rather not get too into it.

Basically, if you like Tim Burton, you’ll at least get some mild enjoyment out of this movie. A lot of liberties are taken with the adapted property, and the third act is pretty miserable, but it could have been way worse. Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter have some interesting performances, but Anne Hathaway is horribly miscast.

Overall, I would personally rank Burton’s filmography as follows: Beetle Juice > Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure > Sweeney Todd > Ed Wood > Batman > Edward Scissorhands > Big Fish > Alice in Wonderland = Batman Returns = Corpse Bride > Charlie and the Chocolate Factory > Mars Attacks! > Sleepy Hollow > Planet of the Apes. (Note, I’m aware Nightmare Before Christmas isn’t on this list. That’s because Henry Seleck directed it, not Burton.) So kind of middle-level Burton work.

Also, don’t bother with the 3-D, it’s kind of bland. Save the glasses fee for something else, like candy.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief

This was basically Warner Bros. desperately trying to reproduce the soon-to-be-ending Harry Potter franchise. It isn’t a bad movie, but its not necessarily a worthy successor either, and not exactly worthy of a sequel (or sequels.) Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Apprentice has a similar problem (although its far worse.) There’s nothing necessarily bad about this movie, but it isn’t exactly strong or memorable but for a few moments.

For example, Uma Thurman is in this movie, and she plays Medusa. Chew on that for a while.

You can probably skip this one.

Shutter Island

I’m not a big Scorcese fan in general, but I give this a big recommendation. The twist is predictable, and its hard to discuss without going into spoiler warning territory, but it’s a really solid movie and excellently crafted on pretty much every level. Some really excellent cinematography and use of light, shadow, and atmosphere. I’d already consider it an early contender for next years Oscars. Of any of the movies on this list, this is the one I’d tell you to run out and see.

Valentine’s Day

The major problem with this movie is there are way too many characters running around, and the movie loses focus really easily, and they are all interconnected in at times painful ways. I would have appreciated if more time had been given to certain storylines (the Topher Grace-Anne Hathaway one, for example, had a lot of promise) and left certain ones out entirely (Taylor Swift/Lautner’s storyline is completely without merit; and she, for the record, is a horrid actress. Both of the “teenagers in love” are actually very weak. Basically any character who doesn’t have some direct if not tenuous link to the Ashton Kutcher-Jessica Alba-Jennifer Garner triangle could have been cut with little consequence.) Gary Marshall isn’t what I’d call a maverick renegade filmmaker by any stretch, so its very by the numbers and inoffensive technically. Unremarkable, journeyman-level, work if there ever was one. Worth renting, especially on a date night.

In summary:
Alice...: Lukewarm recommendation. No to the 3-D.
Percy Jackson...: Skip. Rent if you have to.
Shutter Island: Must see.
Valentine's Day: Rent.

Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

2010-01-03T22:14:00.000-08:00

A hallmark of Rock and Roll music, The Beatles will most definitely be remembered in the history of 20th century music, and Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band will likely be remembered as their magnum opus (I prefer the White Album myself, or Revolver, but that’s just me.) While many of their contemporaries are fading into nostalgia, the Beatles’ music has retained a timeless feel that has them rediscovered by generation after generation, either through video games, or through movies, such as Across the Universe.

I didn’t much care for Across the Universe when it first came out. I appreciate Julie Taymor as a director, her version of Titus was great, for example. But the movie was ham-handed about its anti-war agenda, about 45 minutes too long, and tried too hard to use a lot of the Dada-esque John songs and not enough of the more straightforward Paul songs. I actually like all the songs they picked more, but they weren’t suited to constructing a cogent narrative. Which led to numbers like Eddie Izard singing “Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite” in a circus.

This is the moment where me and this movie stopped agreeing on what a musical based on the Beatles should be about (if you want an exact moment in this video, it was probably around 45 seconds, where I thought to myself “okay, now stuff’s just happening. Thank you, movie.”) I was not pleased with this movie, to put it lightly.

Then I watched Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Released in 1978, and produced by Robert Stigwood (the guy who produced Grease and Saturday Night Fever, so he at least has some good sense about how music can be used in a movie,) the titular band is made up of Peter Frampton and the Bee-Gees, is based loosely on the album and Abbey Road, and contains almost no non-singing dialogue except on the part of our narrator, played by George Burns, who tries to help piece together a plot about the Band being manipulated by music executive Mr. Mustard (who, if you are not aware, is not a very nice guy at all.) This is a blessing since we don’t have to deal with as much “real” acting from the Bee-Gees and Frampton.

They aren’t the only musicians in the movie: Alice Cooper plays Father Sun (he sings a rather bizarre version of “Because;”) Earth Wind and Fire play themselves (they do a good cover of “Got to Get You Into My Life,” and might be one of the few redeeming features of the film, besides a performance I’ll mention below;) and Aerosmith are the Future Villain Band (foreshadowing their career-that-wouldn’t-die of the mid-90’s and stretched on to today, they perform “Come Together.”)

The movie is punctuated heavily by scenes randomly sped-up (reminiscent of A Hard Day’s Night,) which is a a cute technique, along with the white superimposed inter-titles, but the filmmaker manages to grab it by the throat and drag it into the ground so often that you can’t help but wonder if they were trying to intentionally make an awful movie.

There’s a point where reasoning breaks down for me. Where any attempt to find anything redeeming becomes an increasingly daunting and depressing challenge bordering on the absurd. I would compare finding the bad in this movie as to finding a needle in a haystack, but that’s not a fair comparison. Trying to find the bad in this movie is like trying to find the hay in a haystack. And not just any hay, but one particular piece, and it’s lost in the sea of the same hay. If the bad were like a needle (or needles) in a haystack, at least then you could find something differentiated and go “Oh, here is your problem. This.” But this entire movie is the movie’s problem.

Steve Martin, by the way, is in this movie. Steve Martin. Because when I think of The Beatles, the first thing that comes to my mind is Steve Martin.

I have to admit this is pretty funny. Perhaps if this was the only thing the movie was then I would not be as upset about it. And then he’s gone. You cry out for Steve Martin to come back, but he’s gone, and he’s left you with an awful, awful, movie.

The rest of the movie has the same frantic nonsensical construction, but its mostly taking itself serious to levels that seem to border on the absurd. But there is no scene that doesn’t in some way awkwardly crumble, look poorly constructed, or just messy. George Burns at times looks amazed he is even in this movie.

The movie ends with a bunch of celebrities singing the reprise of the title track and posing in a manner reminiscent of the album cover. These include such 70’s luminaries as Heart, Leif Garret, Carol Channing, Bonnie Raitt, Minnie Ripperton, Tina Turner, Hank Williams Jr., Curtis Mayfield, and, of course, Sha-Na-Na. Wolfman Jack is there too, perhaps imagining this is the next American Graffiti. Unfortunately for the Wolfman, it is not.

This movie was apparently so bad that it bankrupted Robert Stigwood’s production company, and the Bee-Gee’s eventually sued him over royalties related to it. If I were them I’d suddenly be worried about the money running out too.

This movie is not redeemable, even for its camp value. It’s not “awesomely bad” or “so bad its good,” it’s just plain bad. I thought I knew what an awful movie was before seeing this movie, but it actually transcends narrative, filmmaking, and manages to defile the canon of one of the greatest rock bands of all time. I would not recommend it to anyone, to watch under any circumstances, even for a morbid curiosity to see how bad it is (which is why I watched it.) Do not watch this movie. I’ll repeat that. If you value your sanity, or think fondly of the Beatles in any way, do yourself a favor and not watch this movie. If you want to see a Beatles musical, see Across the Universe. Or wait for somebody to make a really good one.

It’s become increasingly obvious the more I think about it that, if only to avoid the possibility of having to endure a third Beatles music within the next 30 years, to create some kind of guidelines for future generations, taking on the problems of the problems of the 1978 and 2008 Beatles musicals. So take heed, filmmakers of tomorrow:

1) Try to draw more focus on the earlier pre-Sgt Pepper’s Beatles, and, if you do use the more psychedelic Beatles songs, focus more on Paul’s stuff (“Here Comes the Sun” would be fine too, “Octopus’ Garden” likely wouldn’t.) John’s songs aren’t very complimentary to narrative, and you end up with bizarre interludes. Under no circumstances is “Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite” to be used. Ever. “Strawberry Fields Forever” is a borderline case, because it isn’t as jarringly non-narrative as John’s other songs, but in both Across the Universe and Sgt. Pepper’s it gets used as an utterly dreadful ballad. But I think it could work.

2) Thematic diversity. Both films have a problem with taking a single issue and more or less defining the entire movie around it. Sgt. Pepper’s is about the corrupting nature of fame and power, while Across the Universe is an anti-war movie. There needs to be some variation, maybe a strong subplot not tied into that theme, or else try to create some more conflict with the theme (both of the above things are presented as bad, understandably, but that removes 99% of the conflict from the story. There needs to be disagreement and synthesis of ideas.) Otherwise it just becomes an overpowering series of intertwined Beatles songs.

3) Self-referential comments need to be low, if not to a minimum. The Beatles are such an integral part of pop culture that it’s easy to put references to characters or lines into the script. But it’s also really easy to go overboard with it too, because there’s so many iconic lines and characters. Across the Universe goes especially overboard with this, with every major character being named after some Beatles song or another. It’s ok to have a few characters that aren’t named after the songs, or to keep spouting random bits of Beatles lore. This makes the movie actually about something other than the songs, which, as important as they are to a musical, are not the entirety of the film.

4) Not every song needs to be on the nose about what it’s about, but at the same time, don’t attribute completely new meaning to a song. The first problem is “Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite” always been used as a part of a circus number (Sgt. Pepper’s including two guys in a rollerskating horse costume as Henry the Horse. I wish I were making that up.)

The best example of the opposite problem I can think of is “I Want You (She’s So Heavy)” which in both films gets used in drastically different ways. In Sgt. Pepper’s it’s about the music people lusting after the band and the dangers of fame. In Across the Universe...

Yeah, heavy-handed much?

5) Actually, maybe just don’t make a musical about the Beatles, especially “based on the music of…” and save everybody involved a lot of trouble.

The Princess and The Frog

2009-12-27T00:02:00.001-08:00

Try and remember the last great Disney animated film that didn’t begin with that jumping Pixar lamp. This will probably vary depending on your tastes. For me, it was Lilo and Stitch, although I would consider Hercules, Mulan and Tarzan acceptable answers as well. This is not to say there’s anything technically or story-deficient in anything post, say, 2000 in non-Pixar Disney animated films. They just seem to be going through the motions, perhaps hitting a few clever notes but not getting into really solid territory.

The Princess and the Frog is probably not the greatest Disney film ever. But it’s good, exceeding expectations and harkening back to the better days of the Disney Renaissance (having the directors of The Little Mermaid doesn’t hurt that fact.)

There’re a lot of headier issues we could delve into here about representations of race and class in the context of 1920’s New Orleans (and what racism is acknowledged and how much is not.) Especially in terms of swarthy Lothario Prince Naveen’s fictional nation with European trappings yet just brown-enough skin to keep any Middle-American concern for interracial relationships somewhat at ease. But I haven’t invested the level of engagement to get to that point with the text yet, and we can definitely discuss this over in the comments.

That being said, I think, overall, there’s a good balance between trying to represent the particularities of New Orleans culture and the 1920s without going too deeply into stereotype or heavily covering up the issues of the time.

The story is, for delving into the rather limited Frog Princess story, rather deep, and there’s a lot of good characterization and flow. The overall messages of the movie, about self-determination and hard work, are definitely a step above waiting for an arriving prince, or even the non-descript “wanting more” of the Disney Renaissance princesses. The music also is probably the strongest since Beauty and the Beast and ties in very well with enforcing the messages of the movie while being good songs in their own right.

I have a soft spot in my heart for the Disney villains. As appropriate to melodrama, the richest and most nuanced characters are at times the more villainous ones. So, while at times a bit creepy, and overly theatrical, Disney villains get a chance to be the decadent and dark id to the Disney superego. And Doctor Facilier, the voodoo houngan who curses Naveen and desires a social status denied to him due to his heritage, could easily make #10 of my personal top Disney villains list. Being voiced by the rumbly baritone Keith David (perhaps best known as Goliath on Gargoyles, or for his part in They Live,) definitely helps.

The Princess and the Frog is, in my opinion, definitely the best animated non-Pixar Disney movies of the past decade (unless you include Enchanted, at which point it’s a strong #2,) and possibly the best since The Lion King. It’s a pretty strong movie with a great narrative thread. You shouldn’t be troubled taking your kids to the movie, and it has a strong appeal for all ages.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

2009-11-30T11:53:00.000-08:00

The second film in the Twilight series, appropriately enough titled The Twilight Saga: New Moon, came out over Thanksgiving. For those of you for whom this is news, allow me to welcome you to back from the rock you’ve been under.

Before getting too deep into this, I’m going to say that I have not read the books, nor do I have any intention of ever reading them.

I addressed the primary issue I have with the Twilight mythos in my article about vampire movies. I find that the kinds of vampires present in Twilight seem too awesome for their own good: beautiful pallid immortal superhuman creatures that glitter in the sunlight and blessed with a collection of powers and a weakness to being ripped apart and set on fire (a weakness which most of us non-immortal non-superhumans have as well.) It sort of ends of playing out like somebody’s game of Vampire: The Masquerade gone horribly awry.

I would try to avoid putting spoilers here, but, really, I doubt I could even if I tried. The story, excised of it’s supernatural elements, is all very much a staple of melodrama: Edward and his love Bella are torn apart, there is some romantic tension between Bella and her friend Jacob (played by Taylor “Sharkboy” Lautner,) circumstances and misunderstandings lead to a potential catastrophe that has to be solved by Edward and Bella reuniting, and then Bella then has to choose between Edward and Jacob. Adding in some scenes with werewolves, vampires, and many shots of shirtless men, this takes about two hours to unfold.

The movie was professionally made, and not lacking in technical execution, although I think Twilight was made better, at the very least it captured the kind of fervent young obsessive attractions that make up most high school romances. Sure, there’s a lot of topless male parading going on is this movie (especially from “Sharkboy”) but it didn’t seem to capture the same kind of madness Twilight did. As someone who hasn’t read the books, I’m still curious just exactly what is coming from this series: I feel as though I’ve watched two movies that seem to be setting up for something later on, and in the interim I find it very hard to actually care about any of the characters or wait long enough for this set-up to pay off into something.

I would probably wait to rent this movie, although I imagine the target demographic wouldn’t mind the chiseled male forms projected to the size they are on a big screen. I don’t think you actually need to see the first movie to make sense of this one (it does make reference to events from the first, naturally, but nothing so complex that you couldn't figure it out without having seen it.)

I’ll be giving the film a proper review in a week on 11 Word Movie Reviews.

Addendum

2009-10-31T00:30:00.000-07:00

I just saw a movie the other day that I did not, by any stretch of the imagination, expect to like. But it would be more than a worthy addition to my list of vampire movies that don't suck.

Vampire in Brooklyn should be an awful movie. It has 11% on Rotten Tomatoes and a 4.3 on IMDB. It has Eddie Murphy in it, a man whose movies are alternatively comedic masterpieces or soul-crushingly dreadful. It's directed by the similarly hit-and-miss Wes Craven (who, despite being the horror director who gave the world Scream trilogy and the Nightmare on Elm Street series also gave us Cursed and the original iterations of The Hills Have Eyes and Last House on the Left.) It's a horror-romance-comedy about a Carribean vampire who is hunting for one woman to keep his race alive. It has Murphy inhabiting multiple rolls (the vampire, a preacher, and an Italian mafioso.)

This isn't a masterpiece, but it's a good vampire movie. I really enjoyed it, and I think you should give it a chance. It's currently on HBO, and is on demand, and I bet any reputable DVD rental source should have a copy sitting somewhere. It isn't as awful to watch, as say, Norbit, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, or any other number of bad Eddie Murphy movies that one can immediately think of offhand...

Nosferatu

2009-10-31T00:05:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween everybody, goblins and ghouls, courtesy of Son of Double Feature!

In my previous post, I mentioned F.W. Murnau's classic 1922 film Nosferatu. While doing some research on a new spec screenplay (I might post details after I get a draft together and register it with the WGA) I found out that Nosferatu is in the public domain in the United States.

I found this through Archive.org. And now, without further adieu, Nosferatu!

My Top 11 Vampire Movies That Don’t Suck

2009-10-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

In honor of the re-appropriated pagan fertility festival-turned-candy frenzy known as Halloween, and the 13 days of Halloween reviews going on at 11 Word Movie Reviews, I have decided to put together a list of my favorite 11 vampire movies.

I’m going to immediately note that Twilight isn’t on this list. Although Stephanie Meyer’s Romeo and Juliet with sparkly bloodsucking undead is very popular with the kids right now, it’s literally defanged a lot of the menace of the vampire in fiction. Where once the horror of a creature that infects its victims with an uncontrollable lust that consumes its life and destroys those around it, has been thoroughly sanitized and presented as benign or (overly) sympathetic. This is not to say Twilight isn’t a fine dark fantasy romantic melodrama, but the vampiric Cullen clan could have easily been mutants or demons than the walking dead, and a lot of the flavor and weaknesses of the vampire have been tweaked or outright forgotten, so I don’t think of it as a particularly good example of vampire movies.

But the Twilight brood isn’t the only example of watered-down vampires, be they cereal mascots:

Vegetarian duck vampires:

Count Duckula actually has very little to do with this article. I just like him.

And, of course, we can’t forget when Leslie Nielsen was Dracula: Dead and Loving It:

The vampire story, overall, is so ingrained in the contemporary mindset, most films (and TV series) are variations on the theme, or mocked for comedy (like the example above, and some below.) A lot of the rankings here have to do with technical quality and personal preference than anything else.

Here are 11 good movies that capture the terror (and perhaps, the comedic neuroses) that come from being one of the children of the night:

11. Interview with the Vampire

Interview was the pendulum swing that sent popular culture to the romantic vampire. With famously handsome actors like Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise it’s of little surprise this happened. It’s actually a very engaging movie, and brought about the big resurgence of vampire fiction in the early 90’s (which more than a few of my friends were into.)

10. Once Bitten

Jim Carrey became an A-list star after Ace Ventura, but few remember his pre-In Living Color career. Mostly with good reason. (That’s unkind, I actually really like Earth Girls are Easy.) Once Bitten in hindsight feels like someone desperately trying to paddle after the Teen Wolf wave, in which teenaged Carrey is threatened with vampirism by a seductive (what we would call now) cougar. It’s not so much wacky as it is a teen-friendly pseudo-comedy about vampires.

9. 30 Days of Night

I believe the in 30 Second Reenacted by Bunnies did this far better than I could ever hope to.

8. Nosferatu: Phantom Der Nacht

An adaptation of F.W. Murnau’s classic, Klaus Kinski gives an amazing performance as the titular bloodsucker. Werner Herzog is one of the bolder German directors out there, and he manages to find quite a lot of thematic material to work with here.

7. Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust

NERD ALERT!

Dark, visceral, fun. ‘Nuff said.

6. Blackula

I have a soft spot in my heart for exploitation movies. So in the little Venn diagram of my fascination with horror and my love of exploitation movies (amongst many other topics,) Blackula falls square in the middle. It has action, adventure, romance, and black vampires! Ok, really, all it has is black vampires. But still, I like it.

5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Joss Whedon is my hero.

That is all.

4. Nosferatu

If we’re going to talk about German Expressionism, this is one of the movies I’d actually want to discuss. F.W. Murnau is one of the best directors to come out of the movement and this is my favorite. Nosferatu is so dark and moody and complex that it really manages to hit all the emotional notes while trying really hard not to pay the Bram Stoker estate anything.

3. Dracula (1992)

Not a lot of people have affection for the Coppola version. I’ve expressed how awesome I think Gary Oldman is before, and will leave it at that. And, barring Keanu Reeve’s kind of minimalist accent, the movie is quite strong and a very faithful adaptation. It’s got great production values, good script, and a lot of amazing performances.

2. Shadow of the Vampire

Take the concept “What if Max Schrek, who played Nosferatu in the Murnau movie, really was a vampire?” and bring in some of the finest American actors of our time (and Willem Dafoe, sorry Willem,) and what do you get? Simply put, a great movie.

1. Dracula (1933)

Okay, honestly, did you expect anything else but this? It’s the quintessential vampire movie. Bela Lugosi’s best performance, and it’s nothing short of inspired. It’s probably the reason we as a culture on occasion go batty for vampires.

So, if you’re going to catch The Vampire’s Assistant, watch True Blood or Vampire Diaries, or catch the Twilight sequel New Moon, here are 11 vampire movies that are pretty choice...

But you don’t have to take MY word for it. DA DUN DUN!

Fever Night

2009-10-02T18:24:00.000-07:00

Fever Night
(aka A Band of Satanic Outsiders)

Initial Disclaimer: This movie was produced by some fellow UCSB alumni, and very good friends of mine. I’m going to try my best to be objective and think of this outside of my prior relationship to the filmmakers, but, just in case I ever smack of favoritism, keep that in mind.

Initial Tangent: Support local and indie filmmakers! See small unknown movies, even if they aren’t by your friends.

I’ve reviewed some questionable horror films on this blog in the past. Fever Night (Schrader and Harris, 2009) is definitely not questionable in terms of scope, ambition, or general production skill. The story deals with three friends getting lost in the woods and their encounters with strange and disturbing forces of darkness. It evokes the same ‘70’s B-Movie exploitation aesthetic tapped in Grindhouse, up to and including the 1970s Warner Bros logo. But, like the aforementioned Tarentino-Rodriguez collab, it brings a lot more to the table to literate film afficionados.

Although to anyone thinking about it, the choices of locations, amount of actors, and general production aesthetic scream low budget, it definitely doesn’t seem like it was shot on the cheap. The visuals were crisp and very aesthetically pleasing (or displeasing as was required,) the soundtrack was great, and the cast generally gave great performances.

The script for me is a mixed bag. The dialogue and characterization are great, and there are some very interesting payoffs and structuring devices used. However, I feel parts of it for me got lost, possibly in editing; I was at times genuinely confused about just what I was seeing and what was supposed to be going on. However, it was not the bad kind of confused that makes me want to stop watching the movie, but definitely kept me intrigued for more. I’m still not entirely sure what happened in parts of the movie, but it kept my interest and kept me emotionally involved, if confused.

So, if Fever Night is playing in a theater near you, I’d wholeheartedly recommend it, especially if you’re a big exploitation horror buff. It’s a loving tribute, and you can definitely sense the affection towards the source influences. Overall, I’d give it a B.

Alternate Take on Jennifer’s Body

2009-09-21T01:14:00.000-07:00

NOTE: Before settling on my more conventional review of Jennifer’s Body, I played around with writing a review “in the style of” a Diablo Cody character. The (somehow vaguely infuriating) results are here for your (and my) enjoyment.

I don’t pony up the big bucks to go to theaters too often, Kemosabi, but Jennifer’s Body got me try-curious. Would it be another Juno, or “d’you-know this is a good movie?” So, I blindfolded myself and took the Pepsi Challenge. I wasn’t totally electroshocked but at the same time it wasn’t totally awful-waffle.

Megan Fox is a Succubus, and she doesn’t just play one on TV. She’s kind of a Monstrous Feminine wearing a Libby suit going through the local Sausage Fest for breakfast without a side of syrup for dipping. She’s supposed to be a total Betty, and more than a few bro-hams will slime me for saying it, but “I don’t know.”

The story hits a lot of the notes of some old horror subgenre classics, like The Rape-Revenge Fantasy Waltz, The Body Horror Shuffle, and goes through the Demonic Possession Minuet in 55 seconds flat, played through the Alp Horn of semi-Sapphic post-feminism. RICOLA!

Bitch still got less characters than a monologue, and I ain’t got time for that jibber-jabba. Although she’s put the majority of the lines into the tiny thumbs of Megan Fox, it still managed to totally Outbreak in the whole movie.

The bar for me was pretty low if this were a pole vault, or high for a limbo, but Jennifer’s Body more or less cleared it either way. Hey Mikey, I liked it, but overall it wasn’t much hotter than Nick Lachey’s old band. You can Wikipedia that shit.

Sorry, gotta go, my hamburger phone is ringing. I’m Audi, 5000.

Jennifer’s Body

2009-09-21T01:13:00.000-07:00

My feelings on Juno are well documented. Very much so. And my complaints, I feel, still stand. Juno is extremely lacking in individual characterization. Although I have no problem with stylized dialogue (c.f. Billy Wilder, or Quentin Tarentino,) Juno suffers from having characters with extremely idiosyncratic diction and a very particular rhythm performing in such a way that is frustratingly similar by multiple actors. Jennifer’s Body is Diablo Cody’s follow-up to Juno, a pseudo-horror film-cum-comedy about a succubus (played by Megan Fox) who feasts on the boys in a small town in Michigan.

DO I GET TO YELL AT THE HEAVILY TATTOOED FORMER SEX WORKER WHO APPEARS TO HAVE WON AN OSCAR THROUGH DUMB LUCK?!

No, my favorite irate space monster and movie review device. I actually liked Jennifer’s Body. It’s actually one of the first American horror movies I’ve liked in a long time.

YOU HAVE BETRAYED YOUR IDEALS, PUNY HUMAN! MORBO WILL DESTROY YOU!

Allow me to clarify:

Jennifer’s Body has its pro’s and it has it’s cons. First the pro’s:

#1) Genre awareness

I like a movie that knows what came before it, and Jennifer’s Body knows it’s stuff. It comes off as a sort of post-Feminist exploration of the possession/body horror/rape-revenge subgenres of thrillers with heavy dashes of Sapphic homoeroticism thrown in for good measure. It’s probably not for everyone (this blogger at Fangoria didn’t seem to get it,) but I like the attempts to play with these tropes in a new light. The comedy elements fell flat for me, and most of the times I laughed were usually more “laughing at” the movie than “laughing with” it.

#2) Story Structure

When I was trying to think of nice things to say about Diablo Cody as a writer, I came up with this: she has an impeccable sense of story structure and how to go through the beats of a story. She’s very good at dedicating the amount of time she needs to for information and to build suspense and tension and to release it, with some interesting twists along the way. As a storyteller, I can respect her knack for this.

#3) Women Filmmakers!

I am a big proponent of seeing women and people of color in production positions in film and TV, and Jennifer’s Body is written and directed and edited by women filmmakers. So, that’s a plus in my book.

#4) Characterization improvement

The Juno-speak (or more accurately it seems based on interviews I’ve seen with Diablo Cody, Cody-speak) is limited here. Jennifer is the one character who spews bizarre nonsensical catch-phrase-y desperate attempts at wit as though she’s getting paid per attempt, although one peripheral Asian girl character also comes close. Although a few other characters throw out little bits of this every now and again, thankfully it’s few and far between.

But it ties into my first con…

#1) Limited Characterization

When people aren’t speaking some variant Juno-speak, they tend to be incredibly flat lines. This isn’t as bad as many of the actors are able to add some nuance to what might otherwise be a rather uninteresting character (J.K. Simmons immediately comes to mind in his role as the one-handed teacher.) And I must reiterate that I’m happy that not everyone talks like they’re these incredibly verbose and speaking their own unique little vernacular, but at the same time, I felt those other characters could have used some subtle tweaks here and there.

#2) The Ending

Without spoiling anything, the movie’s ending is completely unnecessary and unsatisfying. I would have been just as fine with it ending about five-ish minutes early.

An 11 Word Movie Review is in the pipeline for this. Needless to say, it will score higher than Juno, but not by much. It was fun, a good potentially-cult movie, and possibly worth seeing, although I give it a lukewarm recommendation at best.

Top 5 Non-Iconic Musical Moments

2009-09-14T11:08:00.000-07:00

Since Al Jolson mumbled “Wait a minute, wait a minute, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet,” screen sound has been as crucial a part of the filmgoing experience as anything else. This includes things like voice, like, and music. There are plenty of examples of crucial, iconic, moments from movies where music plays a substantial role. But, today, I’ll be looking at five of my favorite examples of briefly featured music from movies that, although not crucial to the story, and not the part of the movie that everyone else typically remembers.

As a disclaimer, and for reiteration, this isn’t including a lot of musical pieces that are big parts of the overall push of the film and generally aren’t story-relevant. So, although I might have a secret warm spot in my heart for Part of Your World:

Or Enid Coleslaw dancing to Jaan Pehechaan Ho at the beginning of Ghost World:

And I might have been extremely tempted to put Jessica Rabbit singing “Why Don’t You Do Right?” on the list:

But they aren’t on the list. They’re great songs, outright awesome musical moments, but this isn’t as much about awesome musical moments as it is about random background music that sticks out to me and makes me say to myself, “Hey, I like that song” and severely tempts me to make a trip to the iTunes store.

If I couldn’t find the relevant clip in question, I would try to find the music video, and, barring that, the last resort will be whatever usable clips I can find.

HONORABLE MENTION:

This is not really about movies, but about the video game Portal. Portal is an awesome 3D platforming puzzle game done by Valve Labs (best known for coming up with shooters like Team Fortress 2 and the Half-Life series.) The theme of Portal, Still Alive, was written by singer-songwriter Jonathan Coulton, who is well known amongst a small fanbase for heartfelt love songs and emotional explorations amongst objects and characters that we don’t commonly give such thoughts (some of my favorites include Skullcrusher Mountain, Code Monkey, and Tom Cruise Crazy.) There is a proportional relationship between how nerdy you are and how much you like these songs; for the record, I like his songs a lot. Still Alive is a song about how the main character failed to kill crazy sarcastic killer robot GLADOS.

It’s not really about movies, unless I argue Portal is a rather cinematic video game, which is kind of a stretch. But it’s pretty much my favorite song out of a video game. And it’s a great song, so enjoy getting it stuck in your head.

5.

Song: Blue Monday
Artist: Flunk
Film: Nancy Drew
Commentary: Those of us who grew up either late Gen-X or early Gen-Y will probably remember a considerably different version of Blue Monday

And people who are considerably more music aware and/or older will remember the original version done by New Order:

Nancy Drew is one of those movies that I didn’t want to like as much as I did, and if you claim I liked it I will start shouting louder than some of those people at town hall meetings (this dose of scathing political satire has been brought to you thanks to Son of Double Feature.) But it’s a pretty cute, funny, movie, and this song more or less blindsided me.

They also had a great cover of Kids in America by The Donnas, and Dare by Gorillaz amongst the musical awesomeness. Apparently the music supervisor and I have some common ground musically.

4.

Song: First We Take Manhattan
Artist: Leonard Cohen
Film: Watchmen
Commentary:
I ended up hearing this song at the theater during the credits for Watchmen and downloaded it immediately that night. The fact that they couldn’t find some place to cram a snippet of this movie into the movie proper is a shame. But I left the theater, and I left it dancing. Leonard Cohen, of course, is an excellent songwriter, and this is one of my favorite songs he did, if only for, “I don’t like your fashion business, mister.”

3.

Song: The Imperial March
Artist: John Williams
Film(s): the Star Wars series
Commentary: If you’re like me, this song begins running through your head when dreaded authority figures are striding through the hall. With the exception of the overture, this is probably the most recognized piece of music from the movies, and with good reason. It’s loud, it’s big, it’s in your face, like the Empire itself, it dominates. And it’s probably the best music a cape-swooshing villain could hope to follow him.

2.

Song: Every Me and Every You
Artist: Placebo
Film: Cruel Intentions
Commentary: I previously mentioned the most iconic part of Cruel Intentions. (I am not up to it, so please insert your own relevant lesbian joke here.) All Sapphic makeout sessions notwithstanding, I remember watching this movie, and after Ryan Phillipe’s character (Sebastian) drives off humiliating his psychiatrist’s daughter, this song is pumping as he drives his awesome car down the freeway. It is extremely mid-90s jangly vaguely alterna-pop in that at times magical period after Nirvana but before Limp Bizkit. The video is also pretty standard fare (cut between movie clips and live performance.)

And…the number one 1 choice…

Song: Partyman
Artist: Prince and the New Power Revolution
Film: Batman (1988)
Commentary: There are probably more iconic scenes out of Tim Burton’s Expressionistic foray into Gotham City. “Where does he get all those wonderful toys.” The parade scene. Batman and Joker’s final confrontation on the clock tower. But my favorite scene has, and always will be, the one where the Joker defaces all the paintings. And this song is probably the perfect accompaniment to that scene. And he indeed rocks a party like no other can.

But what are some of your favorite non-iconic musical moments? Comment and let me know!

Ponyo

2009-08-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

Ponyo (Miyazaki, 2008) is the latest (and most likely final) offering by Hayao Miyazkai, whose previous works include Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, and, of cource, Porco Rosso. The dub and distribution of Ponyo, as for all recent Miyazaki work, is being handled by the Walt Disney Corporation.

Starting off with the negative: my first and major complaint with Ponyo lies in the story. In terms of narrative, it is rather lacking, the conflict completely peters out in the third act, and some of the characters are more loose sketches than fully fleshed-out well-rounded characters.

But, films aren’t (as much as I loathe to admit it) just about narrative. In terms of almost every other technical and emotional element, Ponyo really shines.

No surprise given Miyazaki, but Ponyo is breathtakingly beautiful, especially in the backgrounds. The animation is generally breathtaking, and the story, despite the flaws I addressed above, is very emotionally engaging and poignant.

Should you see Ponyo? Are you under the age of 7? If so, I commend your grasp of advanced vocabulary and reading comprehension for having read this article. Tip of the hat, young geniuses. You’ll probably like it, and see some striking maturity and raw emotions that are often ignored by contemporary “family films.” Are you a parent? You should enjoy this film quite possibly as much as your kids do, although they might deal with it in different ways than you do. Disaffected, pretentious, childless hipster? You mean you haven’t seen it yet? No, in all seriousness, and without hyperbole, this is fun for the whole family.

Overall, it’s on the borderline of a B+ and an A-. However, the emotional artistry of the film pushes it over to an A-.

Happy Birthday!

2009-08-23T10:18:00.000-07:00

MORBO WISHES TO CELEBRATE THE WHELPING OF THIS PATHETIC HUMAN!

Thank you very much, Morbo.

I WILL DESTROY YOU!

Morbo means he loves you.

I love you too, you space monster, you.

Expanded 11 Word Review: End of Evangelion

2009-08-14T16:19:00.000-07:00

I wouldn’t call myself a full-blown anime fanatic by any stretch of the term. Like almost every nerd in the mid-90s, I went through an anime phase, and I have fond memories of a lot of the horribly butchered dubs that were in syndication in my Junior High days (Dragon Ball Z and Sailor Moon, I’m looking at you... I’ll prove my nerd cred by namechecking the Samurai Pizza Cats.) I’m also a huge fan of Hayao Miyazaki, as I mentioned in my Porco Rosso review. But I would say my interest in most anime now is casual at best. If I find a series or a film I like, I don’t bias the medium one way or another. But I also wouldn’t get into something just because of its country of origin, and the style isn’t as offensive to me as some more old school animation fans.

I ended up watching Neon Genesis Evangelion this summer more or less by accident. I’m a huge fan of FLCL, another extremely out there anime, which was produced by the same studio (Gainax,) and I had heard that a lot of the show was sort of in reference to this one. So, finally, on a whim, I started watching. After watching the 26 episode series, I ended up watching the theatrically released film End of Evangelion that was released shortly after the show’s run. The show plays heavily and subverts the conventions of the “Giant Mecha” subgenre of brave pilots controlling giant robots and using them to fight other robots.

The show (and film) focus especially on Shinji Ikari, a neurotic teenage pilot of one of the EVA units, and his battles with the monstrous robotic Angels who threaten the earth, as well as his relationships with his fellow (female) Eva pilots, his (almost all female) superiors, and his strained relationship with his father and commanding officer Gendo Ikari. This film deals with the climax of an apocalyptic “Third Impact,” and the struggles of Shinji’s inner turmoil to make sense of his life.

This leads into one problem. The first issue I could see with this movie is it’s basically incomprehensible. Taken in context with the final two episodes of the series (which are folded into the second half of the film,) and with my own understanding of Judaic-Christian imagery and Lacanian psychoanalysis, it still took me two viewings to get a basic understanding. The plot almost defies summary, and I would be hard pressed to actually recommend this movie to someone not already familiar with the show. A lot of the issues of Third Impact it has to do with Self-Other binary issues and a sort of anxiety about reintegration with the self and a focus on suffering that seems almost masoochistic in nature (whether people would prefer to exist without pain and boundaries or not.)

As confusing as this might seem based on the last paragraph, I really enjoyed this movie. It’s erratic and nonsensical in a lot of ways, but it’s also a lot of fun. It’s really profound in a lot of the issues it explores, psychoanalyzing Shinji (and a lot of the side characters) and exploring and deconstructing their motivations in a way that’s extremely Neo-Freudian.

I have to admit part of the reason I like this movie is how it basically falls into place into a manner that I can pick apart as a film scholar. It seems like a really rich text for analysis almost on purpose (as a matter of fact, as of the writing of this article, I’m preparing a paper for submission analyzing the film’s depiction of the feminine and motherhood as a method for individualization.)

The ending sequences also has some interesting uses of animation to explore some very heady issues about how people relate with themselves and with others.

Even if the story is confusing, the action is straightforward and really exciting. I really liked it, and I’d recommend if you’re open to the idea of having a Japanese anime mess with your head, and not be afraid of not getting all of it, you check this out. I give it an A- in my 11 Word Review.

It is (at least for now) available both dubbed and subtitled on Youtube, so check it out.

Derek Domike and The Half-Blood Prince

2009-08-11T03:15:00.000-07:00

Six Harry Potter movies have been released over the past 8 years, with two more currently in production (representing the last book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.) The franchise is incredibly prolific in both its print and film forms, making author JK Rowling the wealthiest woman in the United Kingdom.

As a somewhat scrawny (although I, like star Daniel Radcliffe, have been bulking up a bit) brown-haired Caucasian male with glasses, I was a lightning bolt scar away from “The Boy Who Lived,” at least at first glance to people who don’t really look closely at me. I don’t particularly welcome the comparison, but it has been made (multiple times, to my chagrin.) This made me exploring the Bildungroman of the novels something of a painful chore. So, in a way, this one is a little personal for me.

For the next six days at 11 Word Movie Reviews I’ll be posting reviews of all the Harry Potter movies. My thoughts, overall of the franchise, are they are generally solidly made and dependable, if occasionally unremarkable. I always enjoy watching the Potter films, even though I wouldn’t call myself a fan of the franchise in general. But as, I guess, a casual outsider, this might give me a chance to be slightly less biased than reviewing say, The Dark Knight. (If you didn’t catch how ridiculously in love I was/am with this movie, here you go.)

Overall, Half-Blood Prince did not disappoint, but it did not necessary surprise either. My brothers, having read the books, told me about parts that were shortened or excised, and that they felt were suggested at to fans in a manner almost akin to “you should be familiar with this.” Having not read the books, I really didn’t notice this, and the story should make sense, although the movie does seem to presuppose you’ve seen the other five parts (which, in all likelihood, one has.) The movie flowed pretty well, it dragged a bit in the second act, and it is pretty long. But, with the prices of the multiplex the way they are, I find less and less reason to complain to a movie for at least keeping me entertained for the time allotted.

The special effects were good, and a general kudos to the screenwriters for their adaptation (trimming a rather sizeable book into this was likely a challenge.) Everything, overall, was about par if not slightly better than average, and looking back on it, I didn’t really have any complaints. If you’re a fan, you’ve already seen it, and if you generally dislike the franchise, I doubt this movie will change your mind. But I generally find them solid (if not spectacular) pieces of filmmaking and thoroughly enjoyable.

What stood out for me was the acting, especially amongst the younger cast. Over these six films we’ve seen a lot of growth and improvement in the craft of Daniel Radcliffe (Harry,) Rupert Grint (Ron,) and Emma Watson (Hermione,) although overall I don’t think anyone will keep them in mind when Oscar season comes around. Tom Felton (playing Potter’s rival Draco Malfoy) is given a lot of storytime this time around and he seems to shine in it. The adult cast, including a lot of luminaries of British filmmaking, does a great job as well. I particularly enjoyed the over-the-top manner of the villainous Death Eaters.

(I have decidedly mixed feelings about Potter fandom as well.)

The grade I give this movie, alongside the rest of the franchise, will be shown soon.

In conclusion, here’s how I would rank the films in terms of quality:
Order of the Phoenix
Prisoner of Azkaban
Half-Blood Prince
Goblet of Fire
Sorcerer’s Stone
Chamber of Secrets

If you haven’t seen it, I’d recommend it, especially for Potter fans, but I would definitely recommend you go rent the series up to this point and catch up and watch it as well. It’s definitely not a disappointment, and worth the price of admission. They also definitely are, in the most hopelessly cliché way imaginable, fun for the whole family.

RIP John Hughes

2009-08-06T14:16:00.000-07:00

A more fitting tribute to the king of 80's teen flicks might be forthcoming. But, in the event that doesn't happen:

Destino

2009-08-05T02:40:00.000-07:00

Based on a 1945 and 1946 collaboration between the two strange bedfellows if there ever were any, Walt Disney...

...and Salvador Dalí...

Destino was shelved after 1946 due to financial concerns and put on indefinite hiatus. In 1999, the project was revitalized, and based on Dalí's (and John Hench's) storyboard, the project was subsequently animated. Done by Disney Studio France, it was produced by Baker Bloodworth and directed by Dominique Monfrey. Nominated for a 2003 Best Animated Short Academy Award, and show in museums from the LA County Museum of Art, NYMOMA, and Melbourne Australia. It is currently projected to have a DVD release sometime next year.

I try to avoid going too much into my "animation as a legitimate medium of expression" argument, because it's either a very easy or very difficult argument depending on who I'm talking to. But, in short, like any form of expression, from writing, to painting, to photography, to film and video, and to animation (which carries such a strong "immature/for children," bias that people seem blinded to their potential aesthetic and thematic capabilities,) there should be no stigma to a medium for artistic expression.

I saw it just recently, and wanted to share it with everyone. It's like a moving Dalí painting, and has some parts reminiscent of some of Dalí's short works (the ants seem straight out of Un Chien Andalou, for example.) This allows some interesting juxtapositions and metamorphoses of forms, and playing with time in a really intriguing way. It's like a cross between an experimental Dalí film and a Dalí painting, and I really don't have any more glowing review of it than that.

Here is Destino. Enjoy!

11 Word Review Expanded: Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey

2009-06-21T18:20:00.000-07:00

Before he was saving Sandra Bullock from The Bus That Wouldn’t Slow Down, monotoning his way through being The One in the Matrix Series, or even misplacing his mind in A Scanner Darkly, Keanu Reaves was Ted “Theodore” Logan.

The first Bill and Ted movie (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure) is a pretty humorous endeavor in its own right: two young men who, in 100 years, will likely seem like the crystallization of the “slacker” stereotype (played by Reaves and Alex Winter,) travel through history to ensure that they pass their history report and, subsequently, preserve a utopia future timeline where their garage band music is the blueprint for an entire perfect civilization. It's good, in a very silly sort of way.

When doing a sequel, it’s often tempting to just repeat the formula but just up the stakes or do more on a larger scale, but this movie doesn’t just. It takes a ridiculous concept and pushes it even further. In Bogus Journey, Bill and Ted are killed by evil robot versions of themselves, escape from Death, go to Hell, defeat and then master the Grim Reaper, travel to Heaven to get genius Martian scientists Station to build good robot versions of themselves, then return to Earth to defeat the evil robot Bill and Ted and the film’s nominal villain Chuck De Nomolos.

Read that sentence again. Soak it in. This just isn’t a film with increased stakes, it’s one playing in a super-absurd kind of world. And the thing is, each of these events logically progresses from the last, and each of these sequences is laugh-out-loud hilarious.

Picking up from the last lines of Excellent Adventure (their time-traveling mentor Rufus [George Carlin] saying to the audience after witnessing a disastrous Wyld Stallyns practice session, “They get better. I promise,”) Bill and Ted are entered into the San Dimas Battle of the Bands. The movie really ends up being how Bill and Ted’s band manages to become the greatest in the world. And, including Martians, Death, and Medieval Princess girlfriends as the rest of the band, and some time travel, it’s really hard not to be.

Rather than just summarize the movie and give a lengthy version of “Oh my god, how awesome is that,” here are my three favorite parts of the movie (in no particular order.)

1) Twister With Death

Ingmar Bergman is probably rolling over in his grave, and was probably livid when this came out, but that’s why I find this hilarious. Having two idiots play and proceed to beat Death in a series of boardgames (Battleship, Clue, and Twister amongst them.) Also, the sublimated rage with which Death says, “You have sunk my battleship” is awesome. Death is actually probably my favorite character. Also note the mix of seriousness and humor that makes this work.

2) Heaven

Notable primarily that the meaning of life is revealed to be from Poison’s “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.”

3) The Ending

The magazine and newspaper montage here is probably the pinnacle of how ridiculous this idea is, but also how strangely compelling. I mean, this was literally right at the end of the Cold War, when Western Culture (like rock and roll and blue jeans) had been instrumental in finally making conditions in the Eastern Bloc seem so abysmal by comparison. Maybe…rock and roll really could bring us all together?

Also: “Death Wins Indie 500” with the subtitle, “I didn’t know I could run that fast.” C’mon. That’s just hilarious.

This is definitely an example of, while not necessarily a great movie, or even an excellently made one, but it is a very funny movie that does what it does well. The actual plot is pretty much useless; it’s primarily an excuse for the series of ridiculous events to take place. And part of what makes this compelling is the movie’s own internal logic. Of course the way to defeat evil robot versions of yourself are good robot versions of yourself. And of course Death would be proud enough to go through the entire Milton Bradley gaming library. Most sequels can only hope to be just as good as the previous film, but I think Bogus Journey exceeds its predecessor in every way.

The Bill and Ted series also spawned a briefly lived cartoon series, which, although inferior to the Back to the Future cartoon that ran around the same time, isn’t bad (and is available on Youtube.) However, if you have the time, and haven’t seen it before, or haven’t seen it in a long time, go watch Bogus Journey on hulu. You’re in for a treat.

STATION!

Ghostbusters 3 Hypothetical Casting

2009-06-08T13:57:00.000-07:00

This year marks the 25th Anniversary of Ghostbusters, a movie which I may have mentioned I liked previously. Furthermore, writers Gene Stupinsky and Lee Eisenberg, best known currently for The (American version of the) Office, and soon for the hilarious looking Harold Ramis-directed Year One (I know cardinal sin #1 is to judge a movie by it’s trailer, but by God it’s an appealing trailer.) Dan Aykroyd has stated in interviews that he wants the likes of Alyssa Milano to play part of a generation of “younger Ghostbusters” who almost literally receive the franchise off the backs of Ramis, Ayrkoyd, Bill Murray, and Ernie Hudson.

So sorta like this. Sorta.

The script isn’t even finished yet, although they’re pushing for a 2012 release. With that in mind, here is what I thought of when I contemplated a hypothetical casting of Ghostbusters 3. I broke the four main parts into the main sort of archetypes they filled, starting with...

“The Heart” (Dan Aykroyd/Ray Stantz): Kenan Thompson

People slightly younger than me and slightly older than me may not as fondly remember Nickelodeon’s sketch comedy program All That (if this were a broader blog, I’d probably end up rambling on about it, and other parts of the SNICK lineup ad nauseum.) These same people may also remember the Good Burger movie (which unfortunately let the plague known as Brian Robbins [Norbit] loose on Hollywood.) These people should hopefully not remember some other Kenan vehicles (the Geneva-convention-breaking The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Fat Albert in particular.) Most should now know him as the only black guy currently on SNL.

A lot of Kenan’s characters and routine on SNL have some edge and bite to them, much like Aykroyd’s (Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute immediately springs to mind for the latter.) But under that vitrol, Kenan and Aykroyd both possess an overabundance of heart, and the Ray Stantz character embodied that enthusiasm and optimism and wide-eyed wonder that would actually try to reason with a genocidal Sumerian god by posing as a representative of the “city, county, and state of New York.” Looking at some of Kenan’s past work, I think he could play that kind of character very well.

“The Mouth” (Bill Murray/Peter Venkmann): Paul Rudd

Type-casting, I know.

But somebody needs to provide the mouthy dry humor and withering “you got to be kidding me” sort of deliveries that Murray filled the first two movies with, and if I trust anybody to be dry and mouthy and hilarious, it’s Paul Rudd. This is perhaps the most direct translation from one to the other.

“The Brain” (Harold Ramis/Egon Spengler): Ellen Page

My thoughts on Juno are not a factor here. The core of this choice is deadpan. Ellen Paige is capable of delivering that kind of delivery, and she’s more high profile and slightly younger than my original choice for the role (Thora Birch.) And she’s a girl. Yay for diversity.

“The Punch-Clock Schmoe” (Ernie Hudson/Winston Zeddemore): Seth Rogen

C’mon, Seth Rogan is nothing if not perpetually laid back and laconic. Winston Zeddemore was a guy who was interested in getting paid and the fact that ghosts existed and were in need of busting was of secondary importance. I could similarly see Rogen being the kind of guy who could approach ghostbusting with a blasé attitude. He’d be the “blue collar” or “relatable” one.

Also, I know this isn’t my usual gig. Scott over at He Shot Cyrus does these considerably more often, and his are usually much more spot on and funny. Check ‘em out!

Expanded 11 Word Review: A Scanner Darkly

2009-06-05T19:57:00.000-07:00

I have written an 11 Word Review a day (or the equivalent) since when I began the site in September of last year. That is approaching 300 reviews, or 3300 words. I have written considerably less reviews here, some of which have already been touched on by 11 Word Reviews. But today is the first of a series where I go on, in considerably more than 11 words, about a movie of my choice. Consider it a chance to say, in more than 11 words, what I think of some of my favorites (and least favorites, and some mediocre) movies.

I reviewed A Scanner Darkly (Linklater, 2006) on September 18th of last year. The movie is one of a series of filmic adaptations of stories by one of my favorite science fiction authors, Philip K Dick, (the others being such stories as Total Recall, Minority Report, and Blade Runner.) Dick’s stories are primarily interested in issues of perception and reality (and challenging those ideas,) which fits it in ideally with issues of Postmodernism, and this one is supposedly autobiographical to an extent, dealing with Dick’s own problems with drug use.

The film is a pretty faithful animated adaptation of the book, which is about Bob Arctor (Keanu Reeves,) an Orange County undercover narcotics officer strung out on futuristic brain-altering drug Substance D and trying to investigate his drugged-out circle of friends (Robert Downey Jr., Woody Harrelson, Winona Ryder.) On the way, Arctor’s does manage to solve the case, despite having a complete chemical-based psychotic break along the way.

First, let’s talk about the use of animation in this movie, similar to another Linklater movie Waking Life, which uses rotoscoping to animate on and around live action performances. This method starts out being jarring, but I was surprised at how quickly I got acclimated to it. The real use of this is to help make some of the more sci-fi elements of the movie (like the license plates on the car, and the blending scramble suits,) from being too jarring and bizarre.

The overall structure of the story has some weird disjointed moments, but these feel intentional and are definitely not disorienting, which is a difficult thing to pull off.

In terms of performances, there is one standout guy, Robert Downey Jr. Although he is one of the best actors in general (cf. Chaplin, Hearts and Souls, Tropic Thunder, Zodiac, and Iron Man as standout examples of his work.) I’d make a joke here about Downey having a lot of research about addiction, but I already did for the 11 Word Review. But he really does. While Woody Harrelson and Keanu Reeves are at best being stoners, and Freck (Rory Cochrane) is on some mix of meth and heroin. I can’t exactly tell just what Downey is trying to be on, and therein lies the charm.

(Also, in case you miss the joke: 6+3=9, but 6x3=18. Just say no, kids.)

Overall, this is a very cerebral movie to be sure. There’s a lot going on to make you think, and that’s certainly not a bad thing. You are able to build empathetic relationships to Arctor, but unfortunately, the overall isolation and anxiety of this film makes most of the characters, although fascinating to watch, unrelatable. This makes the ending and resolution of the movie somewhat unsatisfying for me. Maybe I just have a lack of tolerance for drug users. However, it is a fun movie up to the turn in the third act, and even though the resolution isn’t satisfying, I can hardly think of a better one.

I give it a B+. I’d recommend you check it out if you like science fiction/Philip K Dick, Postmodernism, or if you’re looking for something a little new and novel in your filmgoing experience.

"The right reading for this is the one I'm giving."

2009-04-30T23:16:00.001-07:00

Orson Welles is generally regarded as one the greatest monolithic figures in cinema. From the sheer cinematic brilliance of Citizen Kane and The Magnificent Ambersons, his performances in Kane, The Third Man, and one of my favorites A Touch of Evil.

He was even Unicron in the 1984 Transformers: The Movie, at a time when he himself had grown especially planet-sized.

He's the inspiration for a White Stripes song.

However, Welles (perhaps in no small part for deciding to seemingly target media magnate and all around captain of industry William Randolph Hearst for his masterpiece Citizen Kane, or his general bristly personality and enormous ego,) ended up slowly sliding into less and less prestigious work, symbolically culminating in his voice-over work.

Which, you may or may not be aware, was routinely lambasted by voice actor and Welles impersonator Maurice LaMarche on some of the shows he frequented in the 90s.

Whenever I'm feeling down, I like to listen to these outtakes and get a good laugh in.

And, although Welles' career foundered after an initial burst of brilliance, he is widely remembered despite that for those particular works than his latter decline. Either way, kind of uplifting.

YES!

Top 5 Walt Disney Psychedelic Movie Moments

2009-04-20T23:54:00.001-07:00

“psy·che·del·ic adj
weird, distorted, wildly colorful, or otherwise resembling images or sounds experienced by somebody under the influence of a psychedelic drug”

Although a union-busting, possibly racist and anti-Semitic, Commie-hating, just right-of-center corporate jerk, Walt Disney definitely knew how to drop random surreal dream sequences into his movies. As much a product of the 20th century (and Modernism) as Disney is, it’s not surprising to see those touches of more avant-garde influence touching on the overall studio oeuvre (cf. Fantastia.) Here are five of my favorite moments, plus one bonus mention.

Honorable Mention
“Hellfire,” The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Barring the frantic, more Warner Brothers inspired, antics of the “A Friend Like Me” sequence in Aladdin, this is about as trippy as it gets for more contemporary (at least post 70s) Disney, although it’s decidedly more of a “bad trip.” Especially notice what the robes turn into at 3:25.

5. “Heffalumps and Woozles,” The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

I’ve wanted to argue it’s a metaphor for Communist paranoia (“because they come in every shape and size!”) but, any way you slice it, Pooh’s honey-based paranoia is palpable here in the rapacious Heffalumps and Woozles. Although it seems like a half-watered down version of the “Pink Elephants on Parade” sequence, this is definitely noteworthy.

4. Donald going insane, Der Furher’s Face

Trapped in a Fascist nightmare world, Donald Duck eventually goes insane before waking up (and overjoyed, of course, to see that he isn’t trapped in “Naziland,” but is in fact in the good old USA.) Now overlooked because of the at times callow racial stereotyping (and the “Donald Duck as Hitler” image from this sequence,) this is definitely one of the better examples of this trend.

It is also definitely a “bad trip.”

3. Ending Overture Sequence Alice in Wonderland

Picking one “bizarre surreal moment” in Alice in Wonderland is definitely fun. This basically recaps the entire movie at high speed.

2. “Pink Elephants on Parade,” Dumbo

Although Dumbo is supposed to be drunk here, I suppose we should count ourselves lucky that none of us have accidentally drank whatever he did.

“What’ll I do?! What’ll I say?!” Yeah. Another bad trip.

1. “You Belong to my Heart,” The Three Caballeros

After watching Disney’s “good neighbor” propaganda films (Saludos Amigos and The Three Caballeros) back-to-back with my girlfriend, we (she getting her masters in psychology, and me being somewhat psychoanalytically focused anyway,) came to the conclusion this is the climax of Donald Duck’s psychosexual crisis since, lacking genitals, he can’t actually consummate his desires for the myriad Latin girls he spends the movie chasing.

Language actually begins breaking down here describing just what is going on, other than women’s faces exploding from flowers, dancing cacti, and turns of events best seen to be believed.

In short, don’t drink the Kool-Ade at the Disney animation studios, unless you’re prepared to see some of this.

Happy April Fools Day!

2009-04-01T15:48:00.001-07:00

I was going to come up with some kind of elaborate blog-related prank, but I settled on this instead.

Summer Film Preview

2009-03-20T00:26:00.001-07:00

Starting around memorial day (although moving ahead earlier and earlier in the year,) the summer filmgoing season is where Hollywood tries to cram all its earnings into a three month period (although by August they’re usually just dumping whatever they couldn’t get in earlier.)

While doing my brackets for the Large Association of Movie Blog’s March to Box Office Madness, I got to take my first real look at some of these titles. Some were surprising, some were awful, some were actually intriguing. Some...

Safe Money

In this category we have sequels and franchise films: Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince, G.I. Joe, Star Trek, Angels and Demons, X-Men Wolverine, Terminator Salvation, Transformers 2, and to a lesser extent Crank 2 and the new Fast and Furious. Many people will see these primarily because they have seen the ones before and people like safe movies (or, rather, known quantities.)

Also, a good bet will be the family film sequels: Night at the Museum 2, Ice Age 3. Pixar will also have Up coming out this summer, which looks fun, and Disney might also get a chance to recoup from the Jonas Brother’s 3D movie with The Hannah Montana Movie (unless the tweens have turned on her already too. Fickle, fickle, tweens.)

Imagine That is a curious case, because Eddie Murphy makes two kinds of movies: good movies, and abysmally awful movies. I am optimistic this might actually be the former.

And, of course, there’s a stream of comedies, either of the “sweet romantic” variety (The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, The Proposal, When in Rome, and The Ugly Truth) or the raucuous Judd Apatow variety (Funny People, Observe and Report, Land of the Lost, The Hangover, When in Rome, Adventureland, Year One, and Bruno) (I seriously believe Seth Rogan doesn’t sleep or he has a twin running around Hollywood.)
And 17 Again, which falls right in the middle (safe but not saccharine):

It’ll do alright.

Weird Release Dates

State of Play

The Soloist

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3

Of those three, The Soloist looks most intriguing, but all seem more a fall release. I’m curious to their strategy of releasing them in the summer.

Things I’m Actually Curious to See

Well, more like, “thing.”

This is the only trailer I’ve seen (besides Up) where I said to myself, “I want to see that.”

What in the name of all that is good and holy?

G-Force

Not to say it’s bad. It has the potential really go wrong, but the trailer’s sheer ridiculousness made me laugh so hard that it might actually work.

Not to be confused with…

Dear God, Why?

Dragon-Ball Evolution

To quote Rainier Wolfcastle: “My eyes! The goggles! They do nothing!”

After watching this trailer, I want to start a rumor. Next year 20th is doing an adaptation of Neon Genesis Evangelion starring Hillary Duff and a CGI robot monkey. Pass it on.

Leprechaun

2009-03-17T13:04:00.000-07:00

Faith and Boggorah, top of the mornin’ ta yae, boyo, kiss the Blarney Stone, merrily we go along... It’s that time of year again where everybody wears green or gets pinched, the beer is green, and everybody is a little bit Irish. As someone of actual honest-to-god Irish heritage (although not evident in my name, like many modern Caucasian Americans, I got a solid streak [a little over a third] giving me a genetic predisposition towards alcoholism.)

Were this a serious blog, I might discuss “real” Irish-ness, through something like The Secret of Roan Innish. But I won’t. See it. It’s good. But I won’t.

If there is a more Irish symbol than the Leprechaun in the American popular consciousness, I’d be hard-pressed to imagine it. They fight, defending their pots of gold, and people are always after their lucky charms. But this Leprechaun…

Leprechaun (Mark Jones, 1993) is part of a series of horror films going spanning a decade. From Leprechaun’s 2 and 3, to Leprechaun 4: In Space (set in, as Wikipedia will tell us, in Space, with a hyperlink to Space, as in “the boundless, three-dimensional extent in which objects and events occur and have relative position and direction”) and taking a turn in 2000 with Leprechaun: In the Hood and 2003 with Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood (and, unfortunately, not followed by Leprechaun: Back 3 tha Hood (In Space). This sequel, unfortunately, writes itself.)

I will admit that, until deciding to write this, I have never seen Leprechaun. I saw a clip of it on TV at one point in my early childhood and, traumatized, refused to watch the rest of it (I had similarly feelings towards The Goonies, primarily because I stopped watching after Chunk, tied to his chair, first met Sloth. I ended up turning off the TV, wondering what that strangely deformed man did to that little boy until years later. I believe I squealed and hid under my bed.) But, Leprechaun is most noteworthy for having a young Jennifer Aniston, and little-person and nerd hero Warwick Davis as the titular Leprechaun.

Warwick Davis’ other credits include Marvin the Paranoid Android in the unfortunate film version of A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (where, as the character tends to do, he stole the show,) Labyrinth, Return of the Jedi, the Harry Potter Franchise, and Willow, the latter is the primary reason I don’t try to sneak under George Lucas’ bed every night with a garrote wire. Thus, as you can see, he is a friend of nerds.

Look how hard they try to hide the little guy. I can only imagine the disdain of those who paid to actually see this in theaters. But, even then, you knew what you were in for.

I’m going to try my damndest to take this seriously and not damn this movie immediately. My thoughts, more or less as they happen, here we go…

20 seconds in and we get a rather interestingly lit shot of the Leprechaun limping down a flight of stairs. Warwick Davis certainly is taking this seriously, to his credit, he does get top billing appropriately. The production values are pretty standard early 90s. We learn immediately that those who try to steal the leprechauns gold are doomed to death.

Beginning with a woman with a pretty lame Irish brogue and the drunken Mr. Daniel O’Grady provide charmingly accented exposition and the chauffer with an American accent. And then gold! Leprechauns’ gold. Based on what we know, and the lightning, this is not going to end well.

Say what you will, this is actually very professionally edited. The camera isn’t awful and direction isn’t enough to make me gag. We have our first death within the first six minutes, when, posing as a child, the leprechaun bursts out of the suitcase (posing as a suffocating child) and knocks the lady down a flight of stairs.

It turns out the lady is his wife, although I realize this wasn’t well-established. But we do set up some good facts about the leprechaun’s limitations: it’s afraid of four leaf clovers but can only be temporarily stopped by bullets. Putting a clover on the crate, however, seems enough to hold it in a crate.

Now (pre-nose job) Jennifer Aniston is in a jeep with her “hick father” in North Dakota when she’d rather spend the summer in LA. I am aware Jennifer Aniston’s character has a name (Tori,) but I’m just going to call her by name. They happen to stay in the house where the Leprechaun’s being kept. Wait. What were a pair of stereotypically Irish people doing in North Dakota? Where did he find the leprechaun? Is it an American leprechaun? Have leprechauns followed the Irish diaspora? How in the world is any of this plausible? There’s also a tarantula. North Dakota is known for its massive tarantula populations. They also call this the “O’Grady Place,” which doesn’t answer the question at all.

Everything starts falling together: there’s a theme about Jennifer Aniston being materialistic, and she has a love subplot with a Joey Lawrence lookalike who is very much a salt-of-the-earth blue collar guy. For convenience, instead of calling him by his character’s name (Nathan,) I’ll call him “Joey Lawrence lookalike.”

Whoa.

Joey Lawrence lookalike convinces Jennifer Aniston to stay, although, even after rewatching it I’m not entirely sure how.

I’m trying to pick out just who the leprechaun is going to kill. My money’s on the painter (Ozzy) they just introduced and the dad. The skeptical little kid hanging out with the painter, Jennifer Aniston, and Joey Lawrence lookalike may all very well live.

There’s some more awkward flirting between Jennifer Aniston and Joey Lawrence lookalike.

Of course the leprechaun gets out, and he still wants his pot o’gold. He tricks the dumb painter guy into knocking off the four-leaf clover using the same “fake voice” trick. I wonder if this is the only gag in the Leprechaun’s playbook: hiding in something, using a different voice, then bursting out and killing someone.

The lighting is generally awful when they try to light the leprechaun. This is probably to conceal the makeup work, which seems passable at best. Best line in the movie: “There’s a leprechaun in the basement! Oh there’s a leprechaun in the basement!”

Another leprechaun rule: uncontrollable compulsion to polish shoes. Nathan grabs a ridiculously thin twin to defend himself from the leprechaun when investigating. “It was just a rat.” Lame, but could be worse. This would be my general review of the film, I suppose.

About twenty minutes in, and near the end of the first act, begin greatly regretting decision to watch movie.

Ozzy, however, is the best part of the movie, he has the best lines: “Hey, hey look up in the sky!... It’s a magic rainbow! Leprechauns and rainbows! It’s a sign! … No, no, no, no, we gotta go, gotta go see what’s at the end … C’mon, go with me, we gotta get to the end of the rainbow! There’s always a pot of gold!”

Half an hour in: leprechaun follows people on truck on tricycle in high speed. This shot somehow comforts me for a while.

Ozzy and the little kid find the leprechaun’s gold. The Leprechaun attacks Jennifer Aniston for some reason. Ozzy and his little brother get the gold appraised, and the appraiser keeps a coin. The Leprechaun somehow leaps out of a safe to attack him. This strategy seems to work for the little guy, so I can see why he keeps using it. He then kills on him by jumping on him with a pogo stick singing a version of “This Old Man.” I now somehow simultaneously hate and love this movie. He later attacks a state trooper by first ripping into his face then snapping his neck. If he can do this, why does he rely on his “hide in container and surprise people” strategy?

Over halfway through, not writing so much as being kind of bored. The film’s trying really hard to remind us of the leprechaun’s OCD urge to polish shoes, so that’ll definitely be relevant later. He hates Lucky Charms (easy joke.) He also uses a bear trap on Joey Lawrence lookalike, but he survives (everyone in this movie survives.) Somebody needs to light this movie better.

They call the police, but the police don’t believe it. Duh.

Leprechaun bleeds green blood. They think they killed him with a shotgun, but the Leprechaun jumps out of the hood of the car and then punches through the car windshield. Again, I must question the leprechaun’s tactics. It seems like he could easily force his way to his gold, if he didn’t have to rely on this ridiculous method.

Later, when Jennifer Aniston finds the gold as part of a plan to appease the Leprechaun, he teleports out of nowhere to claim it. Again, if he can do this, why in the world does he rely on the same “hide in OBJECT X and ambush them“ tactic? He’s upset because he has all but one coin, the one Ozzy accidentally swallowed earlier. I suppose he couldn’t just cut his losses and let them keep one gold coin. But meh.

“High diddly dee, a Leprechaun is me!” This is part of the way I can simultaneously love and hate this movie.

They pull the shoe trick, distracting him with polishing shoes.

I sincerely wish I’d watch this movie on fast forward. Cool shot of Jennifer Aniston walking down a hallway in the hospital.

After watching him chase Jennifer Aniston in a wheelchair I have a thought: for a guy with limitless magical powers, the Leprechaun’s primary tricks are using unusual vehicles and jumping out of tiny spaces. That is, of course, when he isn’t using superhuman strength and teleportation.

Suddenly, it’s just Jennifer Aniston running around being chased by the Leprechaun, appropriate for the “final girl” (per Carol Clover.)

Think they kill it, of course, Leprechaun comes back for one last scare. They think they kill it again, but of course not.

As to my predictions: The dad doesn’t die, but is hurt, but then again everyone is to a minor degree, but there are very few actual fatalities (by my count 3, 2 in the beginning, the sherrif’s deputy. For shame Leprechaun. That is not a respectable kill total.)

I was going to propose a Leprechaun-Chucky crossover but the end result would be so one-sided (say what you will about Chucky the Killer Doll, but at least he’s creative.)

Overall, the script is a solid C from director Jones. It’s got a couple of good lines, like “I traded me soul for me gold, you’ll trade ye life!” It’s definitely self-aware of what it is, but doesn’t cross the line into enjoyable self-parody (like it’s closest competitor, the Child’s Play/…Of Chucky series.) Direction closer to a C+, but still not exactly great.

I’d give this movie a C. It’s not great, but I really can’t say I hated it. That’s not true. But there are parts I definitely didn’t really really hate, and I was generally more bored than angry, and I’ll admit, I laughed a few times. You are not missing out for missing it.

So, this is Son of Double Feature, wishing you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day, and High Diddly Dee, a Leprechaun is me!

A Big Honking Nerd Review: Watchmen (Snyder, 2009)

2009-03-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

If you continued reading comics past the age of 17 one of two things likely happened: 1) you have deep suited emotional problems rooted in some kind of abuse and deep-seated anger that resolves itself in some kind of vicarious vigilantism, or 2) you read Alan Moore’s groundbreaking 1987 deconstruction of the superhero genre Watchmen. Possibly both. Anyway, Watchmen is the reason why Alan Moore is given license to be such a gigantic prick, because it is one of the best comics, quite possibly ever.

I’m definitely more a Marvel Zombie than a DC Drone, but many of my favorite comics do happen to come out of the Hallowed House of Superman and Batman than the Mighty House of Ideas (especially considering current editorial decisions, long story short, Joe Quesada sucks.) Watchmen is an incredible graphic novel, and if you liked the movie, definitely go and read the graphic novel.

Watchmen has been in development hell for 27 years (Terry Gilliam famously called it “unfilmable,”) and finally saw the light of day thanks to 300 director Zach Snyder. This is where I say how this movie is madness and we type in all capital letters about how this is not madness, and is in fact Sparta. Pretend that just happened.

So, for those uninitiated, Watchmen centers on a murder mystery, a conspiracy caper centering on the murder of G. Gordon Liddy stand-in and psychopath superhero The Comedian. Along the way, barring a few minor changes here and there and subplot or two dropped, it follows the general trajectory of the miniseries. How they managed to fit in the sheer amount they did was, in and of itself, rather impressive.

However, a couple of telling changes. The first involves the non-presence of cigarettes. I understand Hollywood’s intent here, trying to keep suggestible kids from thinking that smoking is cool or glamorous. But for a movie that has full frontal nudity and bone-splitting gore, preventing the representation of smoking on the off chance that someone will be influenced into thinking it’s cool somehow seems almost laughable. For that matter, the two scenes that come to mind are worse off because of it. In one, a character searching for a cigarette lighter on a high-tech ship accidentally activates the flamethrower, which, without her smoking, is just ridiculous and makes her character suffer because of it. The other, where in the comic a young Rorschach sticks a cigarette into another kid’s eye and proceeds to beat him mercilessly now ends with him ripping a huge bloody chunk out of his cheek.

If that last sentence didn’t warn you, this movie is gory. I recently reread the comic, and although it is certainly bloody and violent, I feel as though in this it gets amped up to a degree that is almost grotesque. I got the sneaking sensation that, given the sheer volume of Doctor Manhattan’s blue wang, we get more than a few hints of female nudity, an as-graphic-as-you-can-get-in-an-R-rating sex scene that drags on for ever, and excessive gore to try and have the movie convince us its not gay.

Which brings me to another point, very closely related to the last two paragraphs: DO NOT bring your children to this movie. No matter how they plead or beg, do not take them. Anyone under the age of 16 watching this movie is really, most likely, a bad idea. It’s an R-rated movie, and a hard R at that, and I don’t care how much they whine or what a cool parent you’d seem like for dong it, it is an awful idea.

And barring the ending (for the sake of those who haven’t seen it, I won’t spoil it, but needless to say it’s slightly different,) I actually rather liked this movie. The casting and acting were great, good production design, good costumes, great music (even discounting the completely unnecessary MCR cover of Desolation Row,) generally this was a well-crafted film. It was fun, and I generally liked it, although it could have been better, and the main flaws were in the story changes and the adaptation. That wouldn’t keep me from discouraging this for anyone. And, at almost 3 hours, if you have to pay 10 dollars to go see it, at least you’ll get your money’s worth.

Overall, I give Watchmen a B+. Fun, decently made, but way too long, and is most likely the wrong medium to be made in. Had the deal gone through for a 12-episode animated hour-long miniseries (which is, in my opinion, probably the perfect medium for it outside of the comics themselves,) that would probably be A+ material, even with the story changes.

But, on the bright side, it was not this.

The Top Five Dark Knight Youtube Parodies

2009-02-02T14:32:00.000-08:00

“It’s just things that you don’t want, I can use ‘em
Meg can use ‘em, we can do something with ‘em
We’ll make something out of ‘em
Make some money out of ‘em at least
(This fits me perfect, give it to me)
Hey, if you ain’t gonna use it just give it to us
We’ll give it a home”
- The White Stripes, “Rag and Bone”

This is the last thing I’ll write about The Dark Knight (Nolan, 2008,) I swear.

The youtube generation is the Rag and Bone generation of pop culture, picking and choosing, mashing up and mixing and matching with impunity. Give us all the detritus, all the good, all the bad, and we’ll make something out of it. High or low, crass or class, they’ll remix it, remaster it, remake it, make it all their own.

The Dark Knight may have been snubbed for Best Picture at the Academy Awards, but this film is clearly taken the popular imagination by storm, and has popped up within a series of youtube parodies. Not surprisingly, a lot of them revolve around Heath Ledger’s Joker performance. Here are 5 of my favorites:

5. The Joker Blogs

Not a parody in the strictest sense of the word, but this is clearly inspired by the film’s Joker, but has plenty of extra-curricular knowledge (like Harley Quinn.) It’s rather well-done, and the kid they have doing The Joker does a great job. The other videos (there are 4 of them and a Christmas themed one) are pretty good.

4. “The Dark Knight Trailer Spoof”

Silly low-budget parody of the trailers. Takes a lot of serious dramatic bits to their natural conclusion, so it’s got plenty of opportunities for jokes.

3. “The Dark Knight - Spoof Sweeded (bekindrewind)”

A lot of the funnier youtube videos out there, taking a page from Be Kind Rewind are doing 0-budget versions of real movies. I like seeing things built out of cardboard from Star Wars on down. I’m just amused at the special effects.

2. The Fresh Prince of Gotham

Nostalgia-riffic song parody from an internet meme. Only thing more obvious is a Joker Rick Roll:

Thank you Internet for not disappointing.

1. Dark Knight PSA Series

The impressions are lame and awkward, but that’s really the point. This whole series gives me a bad case of the giggles, especially this one and the bike safety one. Check them all out. I love the bumpers.

Honorable Mention: The Amazing Adventures of Little Batman

This is so adorable it makes me want to cry.

Also, the guy does a spot-on Adam West, and, clearly somebody has traveled into the future and used all the Batman paraphernalia I’d like to own.

Did you find a more hilarious Dark Knight parody? Comment and let me know!

Son of Double Feature’s 2009 Oscar Picks (Part 2 of 2)

2009-01-30T00:33:00.000-08:00

As promised, the other half of my Oscar predictions.

Best Documentary Feature
The Betryal (Nerakhoon)
Encounters at the End of the World
The Garden
Man on Wire
Trouble the Water

And the Winner Is… Man on Wire
My Reasoning: I have not seen any of these, so I’m totally guessing.

Best Documentary Short Subject
The Conscience of Nhem En
The Final Inch
Smile Pinki
The Witness – From the Balcony of Room 306

And the Winner Is… The Final Inch
My Reasoning: I have not seen any of these, so I’m totally guessing.

Achievement in Film Editing
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Frost/Nixon
Milk
Slumdog Millioniare

And the Winner Is… Slumdog Millionaire
My Reasoning: This is where, as usual, one movie begins to dominate.

Best Foreign Language Film of the Year
The Baader Meinhof Complex
The Class
Departures
Revanche
Waltz With Bashir

And the Winner Is… Revanche
My Reasoning: I have not seen any of these, so I’m totally guessing.

Achievement in Makeup
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Hellboy II: The Golden Army

And the Winner Is… The Dark Knight
My Reasoning: I find that new technique they did for the scars for the Joker to be particularly intriguing, and I imagine the makeup community to be equally intrigued. Otherwise, Hellboy II?

Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures (Original Score)
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Defiance
Milk
Slumgdog Millionaire
Wall-E

And the Winner Is… Slumdog Millionaire
My Reasoning: I think the Bollywood vibe will push it over the top here.

Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures (Original Song)
Wall-E "Down to Earth"
Slumdog Millionaire"Jai Ho"
Slumdog Millionaire "O Saya"

And the Winner Is… Slumdog Millionaire
My Reasoning: Peter Gabriel might get this, but, in all seriousness, odds are better.

Best Motion Picture of the Year
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

And the Winner Is… Slumdog Millionaire
My Reasoning: This thing has mad hype going for it. However, Frost/Nixon might pull a surprise.

Best Animated Short Film
La Maison en Petits Cubes
Lavatory - Lovestory
Oktapodi
Presto
This Way Up

And the Winner Is… Presto
My Reasoning: Hilarious.

Best Live Action Short Film
Auf Der Strecke (On the Line)
Manon on the Asphalt
New Boy
The Pig
Spielzeugland (Toyland)

And the Winner Is… New Boy
My Reasoning: I have not seen any of these, so I’m totally guessing.

Achievement in Sound Editing
The Dark Knight
Iron Man
Slumgdog Millionaire
Wall-E
Wanted

And the Winner Is… The Dark Knight
My Reasoning: Unfortunately, the most likely places for the Academy to honor this movie.

Achievement in Sound Mixing
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Slumdog Millionaire
Wall-E
Wanted

And the Winner Is… The Dark Knight
My Reasoning: See Sound Editing.

Achievement in Visual Effects
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Iron Man

And the Winner Is… Iron Man
My Reasoning: Iron Man had the best special effects of the three. ‘Nuff said.

Adapted Screenplay
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Doubt
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

And the Winner Is… Slumdog Millionaire
My Reasoning: I’m expecting this movie to have quite a bit of sweeping power.

Original Screenplay
Frozen River
Happy-Go-Lucky
In Bruges
Milk
Wall-E

And the Winner Is… Milk
My Reasoning: I imagine this is where Milk is going to get its honors. I am excited to see an animated film up there, however.

Tune in to the Oscars to see how wrong I am, or how right you are, and you can rub it in my face.

Son of Double Feature’s 2009 Oscar Picks (Part 1 of 2)

2009-01-28T00:03:00.000-08:00

Like most examples of consensus groupthink I am usually displeased by the results/nominees for the Oscars, and find them to bias period dramas and melodramas over things like, for example, comedy.

That being said, these are my picks/predictions for the 2009 Oscars. Unfortunately, this is real long, so I’ve split it in half to save some space. The other results will be posted on Friday.

“Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role”
Richard Jenkins, The Visitor
Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn, Milk
Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

And the Winner Is… Frank Langella
My Reasoning: Underdog Mickey Rourke and likely favorite Sean Pean will split the vote, allowing safer choice Langella to sweep away that naked gold man.

Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
Josh Brolin, Milk
Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road

And the Winner Is… Heath Ledger
My Reasoning: Well, because A) he really made the performance of a lifetime in that movie, the kind of jaw-dropping acting that only occurs once in a great while. B) he has additional sympathy due to his tragic death, but I really think, based on merit alone, he deserves this.

If anyone else wins, expect them to mention Heath in their acceptance speech.

Also, any other year, I would have given this to Downey. Go and watch Tropic Thunder, he’s the only consistent part in it.

Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie, Changeling
Melissa Leo, Frozen River
Meryl Streep, Doubt
Kate Winslet, The Reader

And the Winner Is… Kate Winslet
My Reasoning: Jolie is, for sure, the underdog here. The three strongest contenders are Anne Hathaway, Meryl Streep, and Kate Winslet. I would not be surprised to see any of them walking away with the award. Meryl Streep won the SAG award, but Winslet won for this film in a supporting role, and the Golden Globe. Winslet has also created so much momentum and buzz around this performance it’ll probably push her over the edge.

Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams, Doubt
Penélope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Viola Davis, Doubt
Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marissa Tomei, The Wrestler

And the Winner Is… Viola Davis
My Reasoning: Marisa Tomei and Amy Adams are also likely choices, but I think Viola Davis is probably going to take this one in the end.

Best Animated Feature Film of the Year
Bolt
Kung Fu Panda
Wall-E

And the Winner Is… Kung-Fu Panda
My Reasoning: Pixar can typically make off with this award no questions, but there’s some actual tough competition here. Kung-Fu Panda is probably the best Dreamworks animated film so far, barring, perhaps, the original Shrek. I liked Wall-E a lot, but I’m not sure if the Academy will go for it too. I’m expecting Kung-Fu Panda to be a bit of a spoiler here for those expecting a Wall-E victory. Bolt’s lackluster box-office is probably going to hurt it here.

Achievement in Art Direction
Changeling
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
The Duchess
Revolutionary Road

And the Winner Is… The Duchess
My Reasoning: Goddamn some boring nominees this year, although the Dark Knight had some interesting choices with design (particularly with the Joker,) I don’t think it was exceptional. The Duchess is a safe bet here.

Achievement in Cinematography
Changeling
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

And the Winner Is… The Dark Knight
My Reasoning: …But I would not be surprised if Slumdog Millioniare surprised people here.

Achievement in Costume Design
Australia
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Duchess
Milk
Revolutionary Road

And the Winner Is… The Duchess
My Reasoning: This is exactly why I dislike period dramas.

Achievement in Directing
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

And the Winner Is… Slumdog Millionaire
My Reasoning: A lot of great directors here who deserve some recognition. David Fincher is due for some recogntion, and Ron Howard is an academy favorite. Oh, and Gus Van Zant too (I’m sorry, I still hold a grudge for having to sit through Elephant and Last Days.) But I think Danny Boyle will take this one.

Morbo Says...

2008-12-25T01:39:00.000-08:00

Morbo says: HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM SON OF DOUBLE FEATURE! GOOD NIGHT!

A Five Year Old Me Picks His Top Five Movies

2008-12-22T00:31:00.000-08:00

This handsome young 5-year-old lad is named Derek, I have picked him out from the far-flung past of 1990.

“Wow, I have cool glasses in the future! Is it the Jetson’s yet?”

Give it a few years, 5-year-old Derek.

“Do I have a pet robot?”

No, but we all have phones in our pockets.

“Radical, dude!”

So, I have brought you here to talk about your five favorite movies of all time. Are you okay with that?

“Will you help me spell stuff?”

Of course.

The Top Five Movies of All Time
By Derek Domike (Age 5)

5. The Many Adventures of Winnie The Pooh (Lounsbery and Reitherman, 1977)

“Pooh is a silly old bear. I love this part where Rabbit is redecorating his hole and he…” laughing “…he puts sticks on Pooh’s butt like antlers! And he draws a face on it and everything! How silly is that?!”

4. Batman (Hefti, 1966)

“Batman doesn’t let the bad guys get away with anything. He helps out people in trouble even though he doesn’t have superpowers or anything. And he’s friends with Robin. In this one Batman and Robin have to fight The Joker, The Penguin, The Riddler, and Catwoman. In one part Catwoman disguises herself as a reporter and Batman can’t tell its her. And there’s this submarine shaped like a penguin. And the Batcopter, and the Batboat, and the Bat-Motorcycle. It’s pretty much the best movie ever, except for the other movies here.”

3. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Barron, 1990)

“Donatello’s my favorite. He does machines. Also, he likes pizza.”

2. Gremlins 2: The New Batch (Dante, 1990)

“I like the one who talks funny. He says ‘Ah the apple, the city so nice they named it twice. Check it out von time von’t you.’ And there’s all kinds of monster gremlins, like one made out of vegetables (scary,) and one that are bats or spiders or made of electricity. They’re scary, but Gizmo’s nice.”

1. The Adventures of Milo and Otis (Hata, 1986)

“I have watched this movie over 100 times I bet. My favorite part is when they’re on the farm and having a good time. It gets kind of scary after that, though. This might not be for little little kids, like my brothers.”

“They don’t like it very much.”

“Is that good, old Derek?”

I’m not that old.

“Yes you are.”

Okay, maybe I am.

Top 11 11 Word Movie Reviews

2008-12-08T11:13:00.001-08:00

I write the 11 Word Movie Reviews blog; speaks for itself.

With 100 posts written daily since I first started, I wanted to cap off this event with my 11 favorite reviews I’ve done so far. A lot of them are historic firsts, at least in terms of that blog.

11. September 1st, 2008
To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (Kidron, 1995)

This one speaks for itself. I don’t know why I decided to use this cult drag movie as my first review, other than the self-contained fact of John Leguizamo’s ability to work it. I immediately followed with reviews of Gremlins 2 (one of my favorite movies) and Disturbia (closer to the “least favorite” end of the spectrum.)

10. September 14th, 2008
Norbit (Robbins, 2007)

I saw Norbit for a dollar and still wanted my money back. This is my first “Alternate” review.

9.September 5th and September 6th, 2008
Flintstones (Levant,1994) and The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas! (Levant, 2000)

My first multi-part review, referencing a previous review.

8.October 7th, 2008
Batman (Burton, 1988)

Arguably the review I’ve had the hardest time with getting in 11 words, but I am very pleased with the results.

7.October 28th, 2008
Air Force One (Petersen 1997)

My first link to a youtube video in a post. And it’s true. He wants you off his plane.

6.November 16th, 2008
The Pacifier (Shankman, 2005)

If only for the Suburban Commando reference.

5.October 13th, 2008

Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace (Lucas, 1999)

My first link to a Son of Double Feature article, my Bizarro-review of Episode I.

4. November 15th, 2008
Willow (Howard, 1988)

Mixes both alternative reviews, a variation of Morbo, and also, an awesome movie.

3.October 5th, 2008
Austin Powers in Goldmember (Roach 2002)

Take that, John Travolta.

2.September 27th, 2008
Juno (Reitman, 2007)

My feelings for Juno are well documented. But also the first appearance of my favorite reoccurring device: the frame of Morbo of Futurama, yelling whatever I can’t. Thanks Morbo, for screaming when I can’t.

1.December 8th, 2008
Planet of the Apes (Schafnerr, 1968)

My 100th post in the blog, and, actually, my favorite. Are the best yet to come, or have I jumped the proverbial shark?

YOU ARE DOING FINE, DEREK!

Thank you Morbo.

I WILL DESTROY YOU!

Morbo means he loves you.

I love you too, Morbo.

Happy Thanksgiving from Son of Double Feature!

2008-11-28T16:10:00.000-08:00

Son of Double Feature’s No on Prop 8! Homoerot-athon

2008-11-03T22:44:00.000-08:00

I apologize to those California readers who might have seen ads on this blog (and its sister blog 11 Word Movie Reviews) advocating a Yes vote on Proposition 8. For those unaware, Proposition 8 is a measure here advocating the elimination of gay couples’ right to marry in California.

I don’t typically want to make this blog a soapbox for my political ideals, but I’ll make an exception here. I’m requesting the ads be removed. This is not just because I support gay marriage (in the context of a civil union, primarily, I don’t think it’s the state’s obligation to tell churches what they can and can’t do, but that’s hardly the point,) but because I believe this proposition is extremely discriminatory. Even if it does pass, however, I fully expect the State Supreme Court to overturn it. These same people want to defend their personal rights (like gun ownership,) while trampling on the rights of others (like abortion and gay marriage.)

Furthermore, to pretty much mock and defy the Yes on Prop 8 ads, and in solidarity of those LGBT folks out there to show I do not personally support this anti-gay marriage position (which is what Prop 8 boils down to,) I have here a list of four of my favorite gay and lesbian (or, at the very least, same sex) kisses.

4. Gandhi and Abe Lincoln
Clone High USA, Episode 3, “A.D.D.: The Third D stands for ‘Disorder.’”

Clone High USA was one of my favorite shows on MTV for its brief tenure in 2003, before being cancelled for Punk’d. The premise follows a Dawson’s Creek-esque high school populated by the clones of famous historical figures (the core cast was Abe Lincoln, Gandhi, Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, and JFK.) In this episode, Gandhi has been diagnosed with A.D.D., which the student body assumes is AIDS, and thus, shun Gandhi, fearing him to be contagious. After a message from special guest and ADD sufferer Tom Green (“Look a Ferris Wheel! I can make a muscle! Plastic bag, plastic bag! Plastic bag, plastic bag!”) Abe shows Gandhi is not contagious by kissing him. Which, of course, this being high school, makes him shunned more than Gandhi for his homoerotic gesture.

3. Naomi Watts and Laura Harring
Mullholland Dr (Lynch, 2001)

I don’t get much out of David Lynch movies, other than wondering what exactly I was supposed to get out of them. But, what I primarily remember from this movie (other than the bizarre cowboy interlude near the end) was this scene. This is probably because I’m a heterosexual male (I’m apologizing in advance for my #1 choice, as well.)

2. Gabriel Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna
Y Tu Mama Tambien (Cuarón, 2001)

Which is Spanish for “and your mother, also.”

Alfonso Cuarón is one of the great new Spanish-language filmmakers (although I wracked my brain to try to find some same-sex pairings in a Guillermo Del Toro picture.) This movie has some really intense love scenes in it, but, it’s the film’s climatic same-sex kiss that made its way on to the countdown.

1. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Selma Blair
Cruel Intentions (1997)

I apologize for being a male. If you ask any guy who came of age (especially who hit puberty right around this time) they will not only have fond memories of this scene but, likely, wore out the tape or scratched the DVD with repeated rewatchings (I did not own it on tape or DVD, but I have friends who definitely did.) It’s relatively tame by our contemporary semi-acceptance of female bisexuality (what with Ant-headed Tila Tequila’s “A Shot at Love” dating show on MTV, and future one-hit wonder Katie Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl.” Not to mention the seeming ancient history of Madonna and Britney Spears locking lips at the MTV Video music awards.) And, although lesbian kissing not exactly being a new thing, this was the scene that many people my age will likely remember.

In short, I doubt any google ads will sway you, and I also doubt I’ve done little to help either. But, for those of you in California who want to preserve the right for everyone to get married, vote NO on Prop 8!

Sorry for that, this blog is more about movies less about ideology; I swear this will (hopefully) never happen again.

Extra Lives: Five Video Games That Should Never Be Movies

2008-10-29T17:37:00.001-07:00

Most of these games are awesome, but none of them would make good movies. In no particular order:

The “Sonic the Hedgehog” series

Sonic the Hedgehog is a game that went from exciting 2D platforming to awkward 3D adventure games faster than you can say Sonic Adventures. This is not the primary reason why the Sonic games would make a bad movie property.

My primary concern is that it would be animated (likely CGI), and if any of the recent Sonic cartoons are any indication, Sega has no interest in really putting out a consistent quality product.

In fact, the only good Sonic cartoon was the Saturday Morning animated series that ran on ABC in the early 90s.

He is the fasting thing alive, and has a rocking Early 90’s intro song, but probably not going to get a movie anytime soon.

The “Legend of Zelda” series

I am a huge Legend of Zelda fanboy, and I’d love to see a good movie made about the series. But I don’t think it’s possible. Link is a character who doesn’t speak and acts as an audience-surrogate in the game. Making him talk would raise the question as to what Link’s character is. Which, if the 1980s is to be believed, recalls the catchphrase “Excuse me, Princess.”

In fact, any time Link has opened his mouth has led to bad times all around.

But, leaving Link mute would probably make the movie extremely difficult, if not impossible, to properly execute. This, on top of the what would likely be a live-action budget in the $50 million area, this has the potential for disaster written all over it.

Chrono Trigger

Again, we have a mute protagonist. Discounting that, although the game is one of the best RPGs (possibly ever) and has some real depth of character and designs it would be long. I’ve seriously spent many many hours playing through Chrono Trigger, with New Game + and seeing all the endings it could take probably upwards of 40. I’d be concerned with what would have to be cut to preserve the epic story, with all its labyrinthine twists and turns.

And also, Magus would get a huge fanboy boost and probably be in way too much of the movie than he realistically deserves.

No offense to the Magus fanboys, but if there’s somebody who should get limited screentime in a Chrono Trigger movie, it would be this pale son-of-a-gun over here.

Mass Effect

Mass Effect was one of my favorite games of recent memory. But it would make an awful movie, because part of the fun is investing in the Commander Shepherd you create (be s/he a badass spacer with a haunted past or a noble war hero,) and, as anyone who watched me play through the game knows, it’s really boring to watch somebody else’s vision of this character go through without any of that investment.

The Sims

The Sims is fun to play, but, unless done right, it would be just be…people. Doing stuff. And maybe some aliens, zombies, vampires, werewolfs, robots, sasquatches, and witches (thank you expansion packs.) But even with that stuff, it can be a tad dreary unless you are micromanaging your own Sims.

But that doesn’t mean Sims machinima aren’t occasionally awesome:

So, these games are very fun, in general, but they should perhaps avoid making the jump to the big screen anytime soon.

Extra Lives: Five Video Games That Should Be Movies

2008-10-20T13:25:00.000-07:00

I’ve said what was good and what was bad, but what do I think should be used from this rich medium? Here are my five choices below.

5. Bioshock

Bioshock would be the easiest transition because it is already so cinematic. This First-Person Shooter sets you down in the corrupted underwater utopia of Rapture, the dream of Rayndian Objectivist Andrew Ryan. A dream that has become a nightmare. It is a creepy, creepy, game, and I think it would translate great as a kind of unique horror film.

4. Battletoads

Battletoads is probably one of the hardest beat ‘em up games ever. It also has anthropomorphic frogs (Rash, Zitz, and Pimple) who fight the evil Dark Queen. I think this would make a good movie because: 1) I honestly just want to see a movie with asskicking CGI frogs, and 2) you’ll get at least some cache by linking it to a rather hilarious internet meme.

3. Earthworm Jim

The first of the two extremely more overtly comedic examples, Earthworm Jim could be a great CGI action-comedy: he’s already PG-friendly, he’s got a lot of great characters and ideas to work with (like Evil the Cat and Planet Heck, or Professor Monkey-for-a-Head, or so on.) Earthworm Jim also had an awesome Pythonesque cartoon show in the mid-90s.

2. Sam and Max

If you have an afternoon free, go and watch all the episodes of the painfully briefly lived Sam and Max Freelance Police series, or play the games, and give me a legitimate reason why this hasn’t already gotten picked up by some animation studio or another.

1. Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?

The first to put the Miss in Misdemeanor, before Missy Elliot, was Carmen Sandiego. Besides putting the Seoul in South Korea and making Leningrad cry uncle, Carmen Sandiego would make a great movie primarily because it has aspects of a spy-thriller, espionage, and mystery genres. Again, if done correctly, I think the Carmen Sandiego character would be a more-than-adequate character to base a film (and maybe a franchise) on.

‘Nuff said.

Next up, Five Video Games That Should Never Be Movies. Tune in!

Extra Lives: Top Three Video Game Adaptations

2008-10-16T15:30:00.000-07:00

After writing such mean things about video game movies, here are three that I thought actually worked (or almost worked). In fact, with the exception of one of these, I actually kind of mildly dislike these movies as well.

3. Street Fighter (de Souza, 1994)

This film makes me sad primarily because it was Raul Julia’s last film, and an unfitting way to remember Gomez Addams.

That being said, despite the presence of Jean Claude Van Damme (who I generally dislike) and some nonsense about my favorite Street Fighter character (Blanka,) this is actually not a bad movie per se. Not especially good. Were I to rate it, it would be a solid C.

You can also spot in that trailer a brief cameo of singer Kylie Minogue as Cammy, in-between doing the locomotion and being unable to get you out of her head. (Apologies to any Australian readers, but this is about all I know her for.)

2. Pokémon: The First Movie (Haigney and Yuyama, 1999)

The Pokémon games are really addictive RPGs if you actually ignore all of the media produced outside the video games. Forget about the media blitz itself; the games are not bad.

That being said...I don’t hate this movie very much either. The plot is convoluted with cloned pokémon fighting regular pokémon, and the voice acting’s kind of insufferable. But on the other hand, it did not make me actively upset the way any of the Bottom 5 did.

Although the title did give me issue at the time. It is somewhat presumptuous to assume your movie is the first movie of multiple sequels (a problem some big budget films, like the recent Golden Compass and even Bottom #2 Super Mario Bros. are guilty of.) But, again, all I can do here is damn with faint praise.

Way to get #2 with lowered expectation, Pokémon movie.

1. Mortal Kombat (Anderson, 1994)

As I mentioned last time, I like this movie, and I like it primarily because it stays true to the spirit of the game without trying too hard to explain the nonsense that is going on. Even though the special effects are early CGI that did not hold up, which is generally true of special effects from around this time (watch Spawn and try to remember how cool the effects looked, for example.)

Also, it has Christopher Lambert in it, and that’s almost enough for me.

Can you think of two more? Seriously, I could only come up with three. I haven’t seen Hitman, but have heard it was passable, but still don’t want to extol it without having seen it. The upcoming Max Payne looks like it might not suck. Any others?

Extra Lives: Bottom Five Worst Video Game Adaptations

2008-10-09T10:09:00.000-07:00

For whatever reason, many video games have not made the transition to movies very well. In video game’s defense, many movies have not either.

I’m looking at you, E.T.

Anyway, here are the five movies I think of when I think of as particularly egregious examples.

5. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (West, 2001)

Game Premise: Platform Adventure game. Female Indiana Jones with proportions Russ Meyer can only dream of looks for treasure in various ruins, most likely battles crippling back pain.
Movie Premise: Lara Croft, British socialite, goes seeking relics that, somehow, allow her a through time confrontation of her father, played by Jon Voight. Most shocking of all, Voight doesn’t seem the least bit bothered by this.
What Went Wrong: I want you to go to the imdb page and see how many people were involved with writing this movie?

Don’t worry, I’ll be here.

If you don’t didn’t go check, there are 8 writer’s credited on Tomb Raider. And it shows. There are easily six movies in there struggling to get out, and you can almost tell where one stops and the other starts.

Many of the examples here are guilty of having way to much story for their own good.
4. Double Dragon (Yukich, 1994)
No, not this:

But this:

Somehow, unlike many of the other concepts here, in staying true to the original game, this is somehow worse. Having Scott Wolf in it doesn’t help. .

3. BloodRayne (Boll, 2005)

Uwe Boll has a reputation as a hack. And, I mean, to his credit, it’s difficult to make something about a pseudo-bisexual leather-clad vampire-killing-vampire work as a legitimate piece of story. But, really, as easy as it is to screw up such an idea, Uwe Boll manages to screw it up in a way so fantastic it boggles the very mind.

This movie also has Ben Kingsley in it. Ben. Kingsley. Gandhi. One of the best actors of his generation. Thankfully, his presence in the film is minor (in fact, the only villain role given less time in a movie is John Malkovich in the equally godawful Eragon.)

I tried to find a video on youtube, but most of them were Goth-y AMV’s that kind of made me throw up in my mouth a little bit each time I looked. You’ve been warned.

2. Super Mario Bros. (Jankel and Morton, 1993)

This would be #1 if my choice for #1 wasn’t so godawful. The problem here for Super Mario Bros., like Tomb Raider above, is the sense to make sense of out of what is essentially a senseless premise. Instead of going with “there’s this other world full of dragons and walking Goombahs” (whatever Goombahs actually are…are they mushrooms?) there was a lot of attempts to allegorize characters, rationalize saving the Princess, and all other manner of business that the film’s target audience (boys under 10) not only will not appreciate, but will be downright antagonistic towards.

Also, Dennis Hopper, in the midst of his villains phase (including movies like Water World) gives arguably one of the worst performances in his career as King Koopa.

Everything in this movie, besides being too much story, has a feeble attempt to allegorize Mario monsters into people. So instead of “Big Bertha”:

We get Big Bertha:

...Which is in and of itself symbolic about the problems with the movie.

1. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (Leonetti, 1997)

Now, I actually quite like the first Mortal Kombat. That is because, primarily, it’s essentially Enter the Dragon with name changes and a sideplot where Johnny Cage beats up a four-armed demon prince to prove himself as a real fighter. I’ll talk more about it when listing my top three video game adaptations.

But MK:A is stilted, it’s bogged down in character mythology and too much of the story from the game which, at that point, had been so saturated with characters (I believe they even managed to work in the Animality combos from the third Mortal Kombat game, as well as characters from that game like Sektor and Cyrax [who as Robot Ninjas are almost awesome].)

They also couldn’t get Christopher Lambert to reprise his role (the best one in the movie) as Raiden. Clearly, there could be only one. (/highlander-joke.)

Tune in next time, same Son of Double Feature Channel, when I talk about the other side of the coin, my three favorite video game adaptations.

October is “Extra Lives” Month on Son of Double Feature

2008-10-07T23:57:00.000-07:00

This month on Son of Double Feature I’m going to tackle a set of articles around a theme. The theme in question is video games and movies, either adaptations of one or the other. Video games are one of the most profitable new forms of media out there, and, as such, movies have utilized games, both as cross-marketing tools, and also as a way to adapt properties to the big screen.

That isn’t to say video games aren’t, of themselves, a rich and interactive medium that has its own strengths. There is a lot of innovation in video games in terms of interactive mechanics and storytelling, from the sandbox-style of a Grand Theft Auto or the massive immersion of a Sims or Spore (or Mass Effect), video games aren’t just about collecting coins anymore.

And Hollywood has taken notice, from as early as Tron to the latest big budget attempt (Jake Gyllenhaal is currently filming an adaptation of the Prince of Persia series.) This week I want to look at some of the best (and the worst) of the video game to film transition. Join me, won’t you?

Nothing Says Class Like a Glass Skull Full of Diamond-Filtered Vodka

2008-10-03T17:03:00.000-07:00

For those unaware, according to Variety, Columbia is planning a third Ghostbusters movie, after years of prodding by co-writer and principal Dan Aykroyd, with script written by two co-executive producers of the American version of The Office.

Of course, I’m genuinely excited (see my now-epic The Greatest Movie Ever Made.) That being said, I think the only guy who might be more excited would be Dan Aykroyd himself. Aykroyd genuinely believes in the paranormal. As a matter of fact, according to the DVD commentary for the special edition of Ghostbusters (with Harold Ramis, Ivan Reitman, and I believe Joe Medjuck providing commentary,) the original draft of the script was much less comedic and much more focused on these kinds of paranormal activity.

Here is an infomercial I found on the internet for his brand of vodka (filtered three times through carbon, then through diamonds before being bottled in an intricate skull shaped bottle) marketed by Dan Aykroyd himself.

Aykroyd, of course, knows a lot about the world of higher energies we do not understand. After all, he did once witness a mass sponge migration, and knows the ins and outs of an ectocontainment system (notice how he says ectoplasm around 1:03.)

Don’t believe me? Watch for yourself.

“I didn’t know Dan Aykroyd was in this picture!”

I’m going to put up a poll, feel free to participate. The question is:

Dan Aykroyd’s Crystal Head Vodka: Viral Video Hoax or Genuine Madness?

Vote now! And comment and discuss if you feel so inclined!

Also, expect an update about an exciting theme this month for Son of Double Feature.

Irony is No Longer Ironic

2008-09-27T14:33:00.000-07:00

“It’s like rain on your wedding day…”

“How can you be nostalgic for something that happened a little while ago.”
- George Carlin

This is more of a cultural studies concept, but it has, tangentially, to do with media.

Earlier, while passing by a local Hot Topic, I came across the following shirt.

Now, my feelings on Juno are well documented. However, my feelings for the movie are nothing compared to this faux faded shirt with a catch phrase from a movie from last year.

This is clearly my fault for actually looking inside a Hot Topic, which is pretty much where my childhood went to fester and die. But this particular store is the nexus of where the ironic t-shirt seems its most strong in our culture.

The ironic t-shirt is something that is not new, and are in fact quite common, especially amongst arrogant “alternative” kids who want to make a statement without actually having to speak or formulate it themselves.

The irony, theoretically anyway, is that others would not expect the shirt-wearer, a hip, edgy, person who likes to self-identify as part of a fringe culture, as a fan of Rainbow Brite, or to call attention to the nostalgia inherent in the shirt. However, something so contemporary as a movie released so recently deconstructs both of these ironic arguments, because, firstly, Juno is supposed to be a “hip” “indie” movie that is devoid of any kind of ironic cache of childishness, and is too recent to be nostalgic. This shirt is faded for no reason other than for the sake of itself, which actually, in and of itself isn’t exactly as much ironic as it is stupid.

This kind of forced irony is something that’s become a little to prevalent, but the real irony lies here: that these supposedly hip looking people would not be buying shirts with these characters on them unless they actually liked them. So the irony is not that they seem to be cool wearing a lame t-shirt, but that they’re lame people pretending to be cool by wearing a lame t-shirt. This, actually, is some kind of meta-irony, where the irony itself is ironic.

Perhaps, in order to further increase the edge, and irony, the t-shirt companies will begin printing faded ironic shirts for things that haven’t even happened yet. I will comb the mall and see t-shirts with Jake Gyllenhaal for The Prince of Persia (Projected for a 2010 release) or the new faded shirt for the latest children’s cartoon show, like The Brave and the Bold:

Once this becomes passé, we will have t-shirts that will make us nostalgic for things that never were, like Superman Lives or a tour t-shirt for Doctor Teeth and the Electric Mayhem. And then, after that, ironic t-shirts will be ones that don’t show anything at all on them. And, finally, every t-shirt will be ironic, whether it is intentionally worn as such or not. And then, when all t-shirts are equally ironic, then and only then will people forget about all this nonsense and get on with their lives.

I will not even address the idea of owning an actual hamburger phone yourself:

That is just plain stupid, and nobody has any excuse to do that. Ever.

A french fry phone of the other hand:

Well, that speaks for itself, doesn't it?

Screenwriting 101: Don’t Sweat the Dry Spells

2008-09-22T16:26:00.000-07:00

Remember my screenwriting articles?

Well, the problem with any sort of creative work (screenwriting included) is you can’t force yourself to produce, despite how much you might want or need to. Sometimes you just don’t know what to do next, or how to do what you want to do something, and inspiration is being fickly silent.

Do not sweat it. This does not mean you’re a bad writer. This happens to everybody at times, and you can’t expect to produce material constantly or even eternally. Ideally, I’d write a page of a screenplay a day. And that would be a good habit for anyone to keep. But, in truth, it’s more erratic. You might write five pages in one day, ten the next, rewriting cuts that down to maybe 10, and then a few weeks of stubborn refusal to finish.

The invention of the internet makes this much more difficult. You can just sit on your computer and suddenly waste hours. And, of course, none of us are just screenwriting machines: there’s work (especially for those of us who remain unsigned,) school, family and friends and other loved ones. And, of course, there are the worries related to those things on top of that.

Acknowledge those feelings but don’t dwell on them. Here’s what I do when the creative juices stop flowing:

1) Work on another project

I try to keep busy, which possibly means working on other projects. I might revisit an old project that I had not thought about in a while, or start a new one. Given time and distance you can gain a different perspective on the work you’ve been staring in the face for the past few weeks.

The result doesn’t even have to be a screenplay. Right now, for example, I’ve started work on a children’s fantasy novel. And when I start having trouble on that I can move to another project.

The problem with this is you can just end up with a bunch of unfinished projects, so try to return to an old project more often than you start a new one.

2) Get off the computer

Every once in a while, it might be good to do something totally unrelated and fun, but not something that is an “obligation” or a “requirement.” Watch your favorite movie, read something totally unrelated to work or school, or go for a walk in the park. As much as I love wasting time on the internet (as many do,) it’s better for your creative functions sometimes to get away from it for just an hour or two to recalibrate your mind.

3) Skip Ahead and Fill in the Blanks

If all else fails, what I do is just drop wherever I am in the script and write a scene way ahead of what’s going on (a scene I knew was coming and wanted to write,) and then start working my way backwards and forwards to that event. Sometimes its easier to fill in the gap between A-Z instead of trying to figure out what happens after a problematic step.

Writer’s block happens to everybody. Just relax, don’t stress it, and it’ll come to you.

In fact, even after I finished this article, I’ve started reconsidering a page 1 rewrite of a project I finished last year. I might use this space as a free form discussion of that idea. More details, as they develop.

Good luck, and good writing!

Gary Oldman: Superstar

2008-09-19T20:34:00.000-07:00

If I were to have a villain in a movie, any movie, it would be Gary Oldman. Gary Oldman is a remarkable actor, not just for his ability to play a wide range of characters, but because he can bring genuineness. Despite myself, I sometimes find myself forgetting they’re characters, and also, sympathizing with them at times, which is the hallmark of a great actor. Oldman’s done some great supporting work though (like the rhythm section of a jazz band, he gives the soloists [like Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart] spots to shine in the Dark Knight, or the vaguely menacing yet always affable Sirius Black in the Harry Potter series.) And yes, he is a great lead in films like Sid and Nancy or Rosencranz and Guildenstern are Dead. But his villainous roles are where, in my opinion, he really shines.

Here are my five favorite Gary Oldman villain roles.

5. Ivan Korshunivov (Air Force One)

Ivan is the one President Harrison Ford wants off his plane. Menacing, cold, calculating, and unlike many of the others on this list, surprisingly macho, Ivan is more of a traditional contemporary movie villain. Also, his Russian accent is quite good, as opposed to the awful drawl Ford adopts in K-19: The Widowmaker.

Moment of Awesome: As mentioned before:

4. Mason Verger (Hannibal)

First off, look at the makeup job there.

I’ll admit that, like Thomas Harris clearly is, I’m a fan of the Hannibal Lecter character (the way he admonishes him in this film and book, and the later Hannibal Rising, however, is almost bizarrely fawning.) But, if you want to make a sympathetic, or at least a protagonistic, Hannibal, you need an antagonist to oppose him, so Gary Oldman puts on a good old boy accent to play Mason Verger. Like some of the later villains on the countdown, he’s effeminate (openly gay here,) and also menacing and threatening.

Moment of Awesome: If the whole plan to feed a man to giant inbred pigs wasn’t awesome enough, we have such a great intro. The way he emphasizes certain words (“the Ris”) and the way he slurs through the whole story is so mesmerizing and creepily compelling you can’t turn away, even if his face is terrifying.

3. Doctor Smith (Lost in Space)

When I first saw Lost in Space I didn’t care much for it, but it grew on me after watching it again on cable. There are some awful parts (the black hole of talent that is Matt LeBlanc,) and it tries way too hard to be a franchise film. But Gary Oldman is able to take the mincing creep that is the camp 60s Doctor Smith and turn him into something genuinely menacing. Besides his repeated attempts to kill the Robinson family, Smith’s just so sarcastic and likeable of a character in that he’s very human. That kind of falls apart when they make him the “creepy spider-monster thing” near the end, which I’d argue was some (conscious or not) attempt to enhance the abberance of this rather effeminate man raising a boy on his own (making a character who could possibly be viewed as LGBT markedly nonhuman.)

Moment of Awesome: Reviving the injured Robinson daughter (played by #2 talent vortex Heather Graham) Smith chides Penny (played by a mid-Party of Five Lacey Chabert) as “Precious” to get him his medical supplies. She resists being called Precious but the way he forces the nickname on her is absolutely great in context.

Alternatively, near the end, muttering his catchphrase “We’re doomed!” and being subsequently punched in the face.

2. Dracula (Dracula [Coppola, 1992])

Here is another example of a role that’s awesome despite the presence of another awful actor and another awful accent (both possessed by Keanu Reeves.) And again, we get the mince, and we get the menace, but Dracula here has two facets, not including the more creature feature makeup-y ones: the revivified young man, and the creepy old man so expertly lampooned on the Simpsons. We also get the same kind of excellent accent as in the previous projects; he has a great talent with using his voice and mimicking accents.

Moment of Awesome: I would count many little parts of Gary Oldman’s performance here. The shadows dancing on the wall independent of his body, the accent, the intonation, all awesome.

But the best moment comes early on, when Harker is almost seduced by some of Dracula’s vampiric minions, he comes out, takes them off him, and to appease them, gives them a baby to rip apart. Harker recoils in terror screaming, and Dracula just smiles and laughs, and raises his hand in a strange little way. I always was intrigued by Dracula's little hand motion.

Also, his dying monologue is pretty cool too.

1. Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg (The Fifth Element)

The Fifth Element is one of the great, oft-overlooked, Science Fiction films of the 90s. And part of the reason, besides delving into the kind of epic space opera that George Lucas seemed to forget sometime in the late 80s post Return of the Jedi, is in the villain. As the ruthless merchant of death Zorg, Gary Oldman limps around with a southern accent of a Mason Verger, has the cruel sibilance of Dracula or Doctor Smith, and the coldness of Ivan Korshunivov, all rolled into one plastic-headed package.

Moment of Awesome: In my favorite scene, Zorg enters the plot, threatens his hired guns, and kills them in a very manipulative way. I also like the use of the Kulsehov Effect in this scene: “Empty. The opposite of full.” The best part, however, is the last 30 seconds or so:

It's for roles like these that when I think of bad guys in movies, I generally think of Gary Oldman. He is great in supporting roles, but its in playing real villains that he gets his chance to shine.

Singing a Song of the South

2008-08-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

“This heart of mine is in the heart of Dixie
That's where I belong
Singing a song, a Song of the South”
- Song of the South

“I’ve never heard of this one…Song of the South.”
“Oh, nobody wants to see that anymore!”
“How bad could it be?”
- Journey to the Disney Vault

“That’s good old fashioned racism.”
- Peter Griffin, on the crows from Dumbo

Song of the South (1946) is the only Disney film that hasn’t been re-released on video, and, considering the number of crap sequels they made (Cindarella 3? Really?!) you’d think they’d cash in on the controversy related to Song of the South, which is supposedly quite racist.

In fact, the movie is the basis for one of the more popular Disney rides. Splash Mountain:

The signs on the line even quote parts of the movie: “not your time, but not yet my time,” as just as an example, and use songs like “How Do You Do?”, “Laughing Place,“ and “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah.”

On the surface: yes, this film is racist. But not in a way of blatant inferiority as mocked by TV Funhouse’s lyrics or even proposing some black people necessarily enjoyed being slaves (like D.W. Griffith’s The Birth of a Nation.) The story is about a Antebellum young boy named Johnny who goes with his parents from Atlanta to visit his grandma’s plantation and the lessons he learns from Uncle Remus and the stories of Brer Rabbit.

Tangentially, the film stars a young Bobbie Driscoll, who you might recognize as the voice of Peter Pan, as Johnny. Hattie McDaniel, the Oscar-award winner from Gone with the Wind, plays another slave here, as Johnny’s house maid. She, if you recall, doesn’t know nothin’ about birthin’ no babies.

Johnny runs away when he finds his father had left the plantation without him. He finds a slave camp, singing some of the stories “Uncle Remus said” and catches the storyteller as the rest of the camp goes looking for Johnny. He makes friends with a white girl named Ginny and a black boy named Toby. He soon learns to not miss the support of his father, and instead long for the support of Uncle Remus.

In fiction there was this idea of “the magical negro,” and there is not a more magical negro than Uncle Remus as he uses the stories of Brer Rabbit and the other “critters” to teach Johnny (like not running away from home.) The stories of the Brer Rabbit take place in a “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah” kind of day, where the critters (who talk in the black vernacular,) were closer to the folks (there are no people seen in the film with the animals besides Uncle Remus) and Uncle Remus posits things might have been better. Ok…that’s just a tinge racist.

And yes, “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah” is from this movie.

The use of both live action and animation used together here would later be refined in films like Mary Poppins and Who Framed Roger Rabbit. But it’s still fairly convincing.

Lessons from the Brer Rabbit stories:
1) “You can’t run away from trouble…there ain’t no place that far.”
2) Be cautious and aware of potential trouble. “Don’t mess with somethin’ you got no business with in the first place.”/”Use your heads and not your feet.”
3) “Everybody’s got their laughing place.”

Important lessons to learn on the plantation.

The argument here of a “happy plantation” covering up the horrors of slavery is a decent one, but I don’t think it’s the whole story. Even keeping in mind, I found a good mix of “positive” and “negative” white and black characters, so I don’t think it’s a fully accurate representation of “a simpler time” but at least there isn’t a whole cloth “whites are good/better, blacks are bad/worse” argument presented. One of the strongest counterpoints here are the “Faber boys” two little white brothers who act like the critters Brer Fox and Brer Bear (small and fast talking vs. big and slow.)

Despite some…stereotypes and hackneyed representations of African-Americans, this film is not too racist (with films like Birth of a Nation for comparison.) And this is not keeping into account some of the equally racist objects in Disney films that have remained uncut like:

“What Makes the Red Man Red”:

“We are Siamese if you please”:

The “Good Neighbor” propaganda dyad that is Saludos Amigos/The Three Caballeros:

And, of course, the crows from Dumbo (note one of those crows is named “Jim,” and there is a joke about hanging from a tree a little before this song starts):

So, if these things are okay, I don’t quite understand why this film isn’t part of the Disney capitalist machine while all these others have had some kind of subsequent rerelease.

And yes, the film is racist, but so are the above, so are a lot of films. It’s the responsibility of parents to discuss these kind of issues with kids. Yes, slavery was and is bad, and these attitudes have become outdated, but instead of trying to discuss these anachronistic attitudes in these films (and others), these sorts of scenes are cut for being racially insensitive in many films.

Dialogue is better than repression.

So, in six words: not as bad as I expected. But then again, I was expecting stuff like watermelon-eating, "yassuh" "nosuh" and "We done like it down here, suh." But any controversy is definitely unwarranted.

One Final Bat-Blog: The Dark Knight Review

2008-07-19T00:06:00.000-07:00

This will be the last time I talk about Batman for a while, I swear.

I’m not a “glass is half full” kind of person. So, with that in mind, here are my problems with the Dark Knight: there’s maybe half an hour (maybe 40 minutes) that could have been cut and still keep the beating heart of the movie alive, the editing for the fight scenes are a little too choppy for my taste, and the ending was a tad weak. (The latter two were issues I also had with Nolan’s previous outing, Batman Begins.)

That out of the way, it is now time to unleash the fanboy.

This is probably the greatest Batman movie ever. Better than Burton, better than Begins. And there are two principal reasons why.

The first is the script. The script is incredibly strong thematically, which is no surprise given Batman Begin’s strong thematic focus, but instead of focusing on the mechanics of fear, this is really a movie about justice, about the law: is Batman doing the right thing in taking the law into his own hands? Is he serving a higher ideal or he is just another problem? The dialogue is crisp if spartan, and the set pieces are excellently executed.

The second was one man, and it wasn’t Chris Nolan. Heath Ledger gives the kind of performance people are going to remember, and not just now, but in many years. He took the character and made it all his own. The sneering falsetto, the lip-licking, the nasally shrill laugh, his shuffling jumbled gait equal parts Charlie Chaplin and loping rabid wolf. Heath put a lot of thought and a lot of effort into knowing who the character was and what he wanted him to be, and it really shows. Two scenes that really touched on this the best were his interrogation scene and the scene in the hospital.

Despite Ledger’s performance, every character gets about equal face time, which is good. Weaker writers or directors (myself included) would have been transfixed by the raw charisma of his character, like a man on fire running through the street. But everyone gets their moments, their payoffs, their character arcs, and nobody is the worse because of it.

So, do I agree with Kevin Smith’s assessment of “Godfather II of superhero movies?” Not entirely. But do I agree with the current general critical assessment (94% positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes?!)

This movie is worth your time, even if you don’t read comic books, even if you don’t like superhero movies or action movies. It will win you over. A.

Honorary FFF: Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker

2008-07-17T15:05:00.000-07:00

‘Tis the season, the one where Robin laid an egg and the Batmobile lost its wheels. With The Dark Knight preparing to make gangbuster boffo box office (industry insiders are predicting anywhere from 100-150+ million dollar debuts for the film) the blogosphere is buzzing with anticipation. And not just if Heath Ledger deserves an Oscar nod (it’s hard for me to say from what I’ve seen, but I’m preemptively agreeing since he’s electrifying on screen.) Before I do my “Top 5 Jokers“ (to decide where Mr. Ledger places,) I want to talk about one of my favorite Batman movies of all time.

No.

Nice, but no.

Sheesh, no way.

Not to be confused with the NES game of the similar name:

I expressed my adoration of the Dini-Timm Batman Animated Series before, but it bears repeating: in my opinion, it’s one of the best cartoons pretty much ever. Batman Beyond, also called “Batman of the Future,” like the unfortunate “The Batman” which followed, was designed primarily to sell toys. It chronicles Bruce Wayne’s replacement, Terry McGinnis, who’s groomed in the place of the new Dark Knight in a futuristic Gotham.

The show was kind of blah, most of the villains were too, but this is movie almost redeemed the show (as did a subsequent episode of the much better Justice League Unlimited around this timeline, called “Epilogue,” which tied it in to the rest of what fans have dubbed the DCAU.)

Mark Hamill is one of my favorite actors to portray the Joker because, like I get the sense Ledger does, he really understands the character. Jack Nicholson made the Joker a little too friendly, with his grin and just a hint of psychopathy, more charm and less terror, than is really necessary to capture the evil of the character. He is still governed by some semblance of sanity, and doesn’t seem to be in it just for the fun.

Return of the Joker was eventually cut into a PG version, but it was originally made and later released in an “unrated” (but more PG-13 version, which is where the clips I’m going to show are from,) and, for his return to the role here, we get a Joker who delves into darker territory than Broadcast Standards and Practices would rarely permit.

But I’ll avoid going too far into “The Joker’s a stone cold badass,” although it is my primary praise for the film. So, to get it all out of my system:

The Joker doesn’t get to kill anyone on TV, whereas in the comics he’s the villain other villains tell horror stories about, infamous for killing a Robin, crippling a Batgirl, and gassing a class full of kindergartners. Although other actors have captured the humor of the character, or the laugh, few but Hamill (and I’m reserving judgment for Ledger until I see the film in full) really capture the menace throbbing underneath the surface.

The film starts with Batman foiling a robbery of Jokerz (a gang of criminals modeled after the Clown Prince of Crime, who he routinely struggles with on the show,) until we learn just who they’re working for.

As the Joker menaces Bruce Wayne and Terry, we learn why Bruce refuses to believe the Joker has returned.

I don’t want to spoil the twist, although it’s fairly obvious who the Joker is (even with the red herrings thrown about.) But, a large part of the plot features Terry figuring this out for himself.

Other than this primary feature (Mark Hamill,) there are some other things I can say in praise of the film: the production design is pretty cool, creating a bleak neon-colored Gotham that feels like it could be in the future, and all the other voice actors hold their weight (some other recognizable talent would be Melissa John Hart and Henry “The Man” Rollins.) The script isn’t the best, but it’s good, and the pacing is great. It’s a fun movie and the crew clearly holds the source material in proper regard (which is important in my opinion with doing any adaptation.) All in all pretty solid in terms of technical craftsmanship, nothing.

The final set piece of the film worth mentioning is the fight between Terry and the Joker, who holds his new opponent in disdain to the “genuine article.” Which is a great fight scene (barring the second, the second best in the movie.)

”Don’t play psychoanalyst with me, boy!”

I like this movie, and if you’re looking for a fun Batman romp on video and all are Burtoned and Shumachered out, since The Dark Knight might be packed, give this a rent. B+.

Oh, by the way, if you aren’t planning on seeing The Dark Knight, I thoroughly recommend it.

Part of the Batman Blogothon at:

http://bigmikesmovieblog.blogspot.com/

“In Soviet Russia, Movies Watch You!”

2008-07-13T15:23:00.001-07:00

“What the bourgeoisie therefore produces, above all, are its own grave-diggers. Its fall and the victory of the proletariat are equally inevitable.”
- The Communist Manifesto

Yes, yes, I’m a photoshop wizard.

I’m not a Marxist, despite being involved in academia. Although I am familiar with dialectical materialism, and sympathize with the workers of the world, I have my own philosophical objections to Marxism, or rather, a lack of belief in its ability to genuinely work given the capacity of human nature to seek a better life for oneself, sometimes at the expense of others. But that is irrelevant.

Before I get too into this, this is ever so slightly tongue-in-cheek. Like I mentioned in a roundabout way my blog on narrativization, I’m of the opinion that anyone can provide any number of readings on a text, if they have the desire and the rhetorical skills. For somebody to make a serious Marxist reading of Wall-E (Andrew Stanton, 2008) is inevitable, I think the reading is kind of obvious (the machine-human metaphor, a classed robot system, the commercialism criticism, so on.) Which makes this only all-too easy.

I don’t want to exactly compose a review for Wall-E, since (as the Forgotten Filmography Fridays prove) I am of the Jay Sherman School of Film Criticism: “If you don’t have anything critical to say, don’t say anything at all.” I found it incredibly sweet and polished, like every other Pixar film I could name, and if you like any Pixar movies, you should like this one. Except Cars. I don’t care much for Cars, primarily because all the NASCAR jokes. And Larry the Cable Guy.

The one guy worse than Jeff Foxworthy.

Anyway, bad tangent. From here on in I’ll be talking about Wall-E in specific. I don’t think anyone who isn’t a diehard Pixar fan will be complaining about spoilers, and those who are will have already seen it likely. But I talk about specific plot elements (including the ending,) so I’m giving you fair warning.

One of the primary themes in Wall-E is about functionality, or as Wall-E and EVE refer to them, “directives.” Each machine has its directive, and a determined function that is based on their nature: Wall-E is supposed to crush garbage, Mo the scrubber robot is supposed to scrub, the makeup robot is supposed to apply makeup, and so on. The robots then are the Marxist proletariat, struggling to survive and put upon by the larger socioeconomic system.

The people in Wall-E are the bourgeoisie, they control the means of production, and they reap all the rewards of robot labor. They are complacent and overindulged, confined to their hoverchairs and drinking all their meals out of cups. This produces a culture that is obsessively consumeristic, running along the same paths, doing the same events, and getting the latest colored jumpsuit (Blue is the new Red) from Buy’N’Large.

It is the intention of the Autopilot to keep this system, for both sides of the equation, running indefinitely. When confronted with the possibility of an alternative, Auto is unable to see the potential of a life outside of the robot-human class system, even if there is the possibility of returning to Earth, it will not break from its previous orders to remain in a holding pattern. It sees nothing but the functionality and function of the system. Perhaps it is the “invisible hand of the market” (Adam Smith terms, not Marx’s, I know,) who keeps the system working even in the face of evidence like the viability of Marxist socialism (or perhaps despite of it.) Or the elite who wishes to keep its position in the system secured, since what use is a spaceship autopilot on Earth?

This, of course, leads to a total revolt, human (the Captain and a few “enlightened” humans) and machine (Wall-E and EVE, along with their ragtag bunch of misfit malfunctioning robots who try to exist outside of their preset functions) rise up together to change the system and work together to create a better tomorrow for both their kinds. They had nothing to lose but their chains.

This kind of functionality, in a machine metaphor no less, is also expressed in another film that was created by what would become the Pixar team, the perennial classic, The Brave Little Toaster (Jerry Rees, 1987,) where the old appliances find themselves facing the fate of every object that’s outlives its usefulness.

Also, I want to do this to most of the cars in Cars.

But, the Brave Little Toaster is clearly an allegory for the life, death, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ (to be saved for a future blog. Stay tuned.)

Is Wall-E intended to be Marxist? Unlikely. Critical of current consumer culture? (I love alliteration.) Most definitely, but I doubt they’re actually advocating all-out class warfare. Speaking of critical consumerism, make sure to buy all your Wall-E merchandise, if not now, then at your next visit to Disneyland. Your Wall-E t-shirt, your Wall-E cap, your Wall-E action figure, your Wall-E Poster, video game, flatware set, bedsheet set, and your Buy-N-Large T-shirt, &tc. But make sure it’s the real deal, and not some cheap imitator.

*(By the way, all of the items I thought I just made up are available at the Disney Store. In case you were wondering.)

Robots of the world unite!

Teaser Trailers and Narrativization

2008-07-04T03:27:00.000-07:00

So, I feel compelled to apologize in advance for a general failure at writing lately. I haven’t seen any obscure movies lately, and I have about three half-finished articles in the works (a discussion of children’s television and gender role formation, artist Steve Ditko’s Objectivist influence on the recent Incredible Hulk, and a response to the feminist critiques of Sin City, all of which interest me but I’m just unfocused at this exact moment.) It’s all personal stuff, which isn’t what this is for, this is for the movie stuff (although odds are all my anxieties won’t end up there either.)

On that note, I want to talk about something that interests me in two different ways. I’ve become entranced with the pre-promotional material for Batman: The Dark Knight (Chris Nolan 2008).

I have to repeat my Ghostbuster’s spiel about the level of my childhood obsession, but take it to a new and higher (and perhaps pathetic) level. I’ve been watching Batman in some form or another since I was 2 (I am now pushing 23, so this has gone on a full two decades, only a fraction of Batman’s almost seventy years of existence.) I watched the campy 60’s Adam West Batman.

And my childhood included some form of syndicated (tape-recorded?) episodes of the classic cartoon:

I watched the Dini/Timm Animated series. If you didn’t watch these, watch them, and try to catch one where Mark “Hey Kid It’s Mark Hamill” Hamill provided the voice of The Joker.

I’ve read the comic books for about as long as I could read. (This is the cover to one of my favorite Batman issues ever by one of my favorite authors ever: Grant Morrison.)

I’ve seen Tim Burton’s Batmans, which are good, but could be better, and totally not the focus of this article. I’ve seen the increasingly craptastic Joel Schumaker Batmans (HINT: Batman and Robin (Schumaker 1998) is about three times more watchable if you pretend Uma Thurman is a drag queen.) And I was a big supporter of the previous Chris Nolan-penned/directed Batman Begins which was simultaneously a popcorn flick and a pensive meditation on the nature of fear.

In short, I’m obsessed.

So, as a big fan of the previous film, and of the Batman merchandising machine in general, I was of course awaiting on baited breath for the upcoming release of The Dark Knight (which in itself seems to be referencing some of the great events in the Batman comics [The Long Halloween, The Killing Joke, and, of course, through the title Frank Miller’s classic revamp of the character.]) We got our teasers, starting with the viral “Why So Serious?” campaign. IESB.net showed a series of clips from the film. Somebody illegally posted the first five minutes on the internet. I do not recommend you watch that. Especially since it’s so easy to accidentally hit “The Dark Knight First 5 Minutes” on your search engine of choice and find it hosted on some site or another.

Filmmakers for big budget releases more and more try their best to keep, but the media hyping the release leaks bits and pieces (and the commercials do the same) until you have a feeling you have watched a sizeable portion of the film. This is what’s interesting to me on a critical or theoretical level.

Not to seem like I’m breaking things down to way too simple a level, but: people consume media. The individual members of an audience are given pieces of information. They do what they will this information, typically they try to figure out what they are seeing and try to anticipate what will happen next. So given Fact A, we then expect Fact B to arise from it. Good storytellers will either anticipate this and surprise you (giving you Fact C, for example, instead of B,) or just give you what you expect with something else (you got your B, but D is there too, or Q, or whatever.) Narrative does not exist in those frames flashing by on its own, or even in the script, or in the performances. It is in the audience constructing a narrative out of the information provided.

This might seem to take a lot of power out of the writer, director, actors, and other talent making a movie (or any other sort of art.) In fact, the opposite is true. Even though the audience really creates the story, it is up to those people to make the information received to create the most likely narrative to be created.

My real point here is that audiences might not do what is expected with these facts. Joel Schumaker might not want me turning Batman and Robin to its logical homoerotic conclusion. Or he very well might. It’s immaterial really. I could also start imagining the kind of story I would do, given the same basic information. Any viewer actively participating with the text could come to whatever conclusions they desire. This is how we in film studies end up with Marxist or Queer readings (or whatever) of a film. Not all films were originally meant with such a reading in mind.

These sorts of clips, the trailers, promotional photos, even the first five minutes as a self-contained entity, they produce narrative in miniature. They construe a story, sometimes de or recontextualize voice-overs. We try to produce a whole story, mentally, out of this incomplete information. We are given an even more limited set of facts, and begin to try to piece together a larger narrative.

The odds of us taking this incomplete handful of puzzle pieces and producing the image itself is unlikely if not downright near impossible. There are holes, gaps, what have you. But the puzzle metaphor is weak for this even though it’s visual. The best metaphor I can come up with is how they clone the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. There were gaps in the DNA, which were filled with frog DNA. Whatever intended pattern is present in this narrative, we do not have the whole picture, and we fill in the wholes with whatever junk is around mentally. We might produce something with this information that is close to what the director had in mind, but sometimes it can. I might have the Joker leap out of the sewer like Pennywise, the clown from It. Or end the film with the climactic death scene in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker, or add characters who are there in the comics but not in this movies’ story.

Chris Nolan has promised The Dark Knight to be a detective story, premiering Batman’s talents as one of the DC Universe’s premiere detectives. Every viewer is, in their own way, a detective. We take the information given and try to put this together into a cohesive pattern. We do this all the time, both in media, or in real life (just this week, grocery shopping, I saw somebody left a carton of cookies out of the cookie aisle on top of a pack of soda. In my own head I began producing a narrative [why the cookies were put there, the kind of person who would do this and just leave them there, &tc.]) The human mind’s ability to produce patterns is always at play, sometimes when parts of the pattern are missing. However, oftentimes it can be seen that those patterns might not be exactly what the author intended. We can arrange the raw material of the narrative, every element, into a pattern, sometimes something wildly out of what the director might have imagined (although my Batman and Robin example isn’t exactly a radical reading, all things said.)

Expect a full review after The Dark Knight comes out.

Remembered Filmography Tuesday

2008-06-24T21:37:00.001-07:00

NOTE: The following is part of the Bizarro Blogathon at the Lazy Eye Theatre.
http://lazyeyetheatre.blogspot.com/2008/06/bizarro-days.html

Greetings from Bizarro-World! Me am not Bizzaro-Derek #1, from cube-shaped planet Bizzaro-World! Me and writing in blog-o-cube on series of tubes which nobody uses to write in blog that is not about movies. So, for blog not about movies, only makes sense to talk about some of me favorite movies of all time!

Me hate movies, me hate so few movies so little that it am easy for me to defend all of them. Me will watch great movies, and me will try to typically find something redeeming in them. Me am something of “glass half-empty” chalk-skinned monstrosity. Also am decidedly less eloquent than other bizarros. This am because of my lessons from Bizarro-World’s greatest rhetoricians: Bizarro-Paris Hilton and Bizarro-Lindsay Lohan.

(If am wished to talk about probably favorite movie, me might have selected Paris Hilton-vehicle “The Hottie and the Nottie” which looks like it is the best movie ever made. But, since me want to see it so much, me planning on always seeing it.)

But, to talk about one of me favorite movies of all time, it should have two things: it should be a movie that I never wanted to see, and it should not let me down in such a colossal way that I am not disappointed that I wasted perhaps months looking forward to its release.

This am my choice for discussion: Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace (Lucas, 1999.) Me HATE Star Wars. Me hate Star Wars so much since me am little. Me hate Jedi Knights, me hate Lightsabers, me hate starship battles. Me especially hate the Wookiee holiday of Lifeday, as practiced in the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special (the last appearance of hated characted Boba Fett.)

Me had some reservations: George Lucas, after all, poorly regarded director and architect of the Star Wars franchise with no money and no success. He directed and wrote second and third Star Wars, which are genuinely the worst two of the six movies.

Like all other Star Wars movies, Phantom Menace is absolutely chock-full of redeeming value. Here am five most favoritest moments:

1) Amount of Things That Happened

So much happened in this movie. There am no pod races, geopolitical diplomacy, and not one star ship battle. That am almost too much for one movie. This is why Phantom Menace had to be made. So much relevant things happened that other parts of prequels and old trilogy did not make sense without knowing it.

2) Dialogue

Bizarro-George Lucas’ greatest strengths are his ability to write dialogue and direct actors. As Bizarro-Harrison Ford famously noted before fading to obscurity, “You can’t write lines like this, but you certainly can say it.” So it make no sense how good dialogue is. All dialogue full of emotion and drama and gravitas, it is definitely not ham-handed or wooden. Characters all fully-realized, and even most minor characters like Queen Amidala and Obi-Wan Kenobi feel like real people and not just loosely-connected series of plot devices. Me am of opinion that Star Wars prequels, for this reason, would not be improved if George Lucas had allowed outside help to write or direct them.

3) “And, as a child, I built C3PO!”/”Midiclorians…”

This Robot Chicken am totally inaccurate about how much sense this made. From least favorite scene that me never memorized.

4) CGI Yoda

In prequel movies, character of Yoda was a puppet, unlike earlier movies where was not a puppet. However, like all the puppets, since the actors were able to interact with them, were much more believable than using outdated computer generated imagery. This helped preserve suspension of disbelief. This made prequel Star Wars less about a series of special effects and more about story and “power of myth” that George Lucas am never mentioning.

See? Puppet Yoda clearly inferior to CGI Yoda.

5) Jar Jar Binks

To quote Bizarro-Peter Griffin, “That am not good old-fashioned racism.” Jar Jar Binks is a well-loved character, perhaps best loved character in Star Wars movies. Me need to say much more about how much he am not racist caricature, and how prequel trilogy could have been one movie and been much worse.

Unfortunately, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith sucked SO badly it ruined whole franchise for me.

Me am love other movies too, like Battlefield Earth, Gigli, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harold Met Lloyd, Norbit, and Sherlock: Undercover Dog. Me feel exact opposite feeling of wanting to jab out eyes with fork while watching.

That am beginning of blog! Never read blog again because me no talk about nothing else! Hello!

Forgotten Filmography Friday 14

2008-06-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane
(dir. Scott Thomas, 2007)
New Line Pictures
Summary: Zombies on a plane. Zombies. Plane. Take Snakes on a Plane, remove Samuel L. Jackson and the snakes he’s just about had it with, and add zombies. You’re more or less there.

My screenwriter friends in Santa Barbara were quite obsessed with zombies. Quite a few film geeks I know love their George Romero films, or 28 Days Later, or many of the other zombie classics. My favorite of Showtime’s Masters of Horror series is the Joe Dante-directed episode “Homcoming” in which dead veterans rise from the grave in order to vote against the unseen President who sends us to war. And my favorite half of Grindhouse was the Robert Rodriguez-penned Planet Terror

So, before we get into the meat of it, is this a good zombie movie?

I actually think so.

This is not a good movie in the traditional sense. It will not redefine a good zombie movie the way 28 Days Later did, for example. But, as a zombie movie, it is a resounding success.

We have the set-up for all the resolutions in the first ten minutes. All the basics trappings are set up, every little set-up dangled up to be gnawed apart later.

For what really is “zombie Snakes on a Plane,” this film is quite enjoyable and quite suspenseful. It’s a good idea, well-written, well executed, decent acting. The zombie effects are great.

And it’s scary too.

My one major complaint is that we don’t see zombies for about 40 minutes, and in a movie about plane zombies, I hope to see the walking dead within the first 30 minutes, tops.

So, keeping in mind its nature, I’d recommend Flight of the Living Dead, especially for zombie movie fans. It might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s a lot of fun. B+.

Forgotten Filmography Friday 13

2008-06-13T01:00:00.000-07:00

Chilly Dogs (dir. Bob Spiers, 2001)
GET Entertainment
Summary: Snow Dogs with White People. Wait, read on.

Ok, listen to this: somebody who has no place going to Alaska inherits land there and goes for the adventure of a lifetime, he falls in love, and goes on a dog race. Does this sound remotely familiar? It should. It’s the plot to one of the last thrashes of Cuba Gooding Jr.’s legitimate Oscar-winning film career, Snow Dogs (he later went on to further sabotage himself with duds like Radio, The Fighting Temptations, and What Love Is.)

This is not Snow Dogs. Snow Dogs is Shakespeare next to this polished frozen dog turd. But further to my chagrin, this movie came out a month before Snow Dogs, which leads me to believe one of two possible conclusions:
1) Two people had the same awful idea (possible).
2) Somebody heard about Snow Dogs and tried to produce the exact same story (more probable.)

Here’s an interview with “star” Skeet Ulrich (the film was released in Europe as Kevin of the North):

Leslie Nielsen, and Natasha “Species” Henstridge round out this cast of people who were once relevant.

Kevin starts from scenic Canoga Park (two towns away from beautiful Van Nuys, CA, where I grew up,) to Alaska. This movie has the laughs literally coming at a snail’s pace (1 mm/second, if Wikipedia’s to be trusted.) Everyone is literally phoning this in.

Leslie Nielsen is trying to find a treasure map owned by Kevin’s grandfather. There’s a dog race, a love triangle, some dog pee, everything here is so by the book it makes me want to scream, or yawn.

The one saving grace of this film is a presence of bulldog (albeit an American, and not a British, Bulldog.) Bulldogs, if you were not aware, are ridiculously adorable, because they are simultaneously tough and tiny yet seem to not be aware of how tiny they are (some chihuahuas are cute for this exact reason.) They also look happy all the time. Here is a video of one eating a watermelon.

See? Isn't that adorable?

In conclusion, bulldogs are perhaps the best breed of dog because...wait, what was I talking about? Anyway, pass on this movie, it’s not worth watching, and barely even worth writing about. But it was better than Sherlock: Undercover Dog. D+.

It Came From Forgotten Filmography Friday 12

2008-06-06T00:18:00.000-07:00

Sherlock: Undercover Dog (dir. Richard Harding Gardner, 1994)
Columbia Tristar Pictures
Synopsis: Two kids help talking dog detective save his master and stop smugglers on Catalina Island.

Warning: It’s rated PG for “comic criminal elements and for some mild language.” My issues with the MPAA aside…what?! Comic criminal elements? When is that PG worthy?

My first issue is with the title itself. Sherlock: Undercover Dog. The dog is undercover. What is he posing as? Somebody else’s dog? I much rather prefer the UK Title “Sherlock Bones: Ace Detective.” That at least a pun.

Billy talks to things that don’t talk, thus the irony when he find a dog who can talk. This dog has an eyepatch no less. He’s also British. And a detective. For some reason this is all very boring.

The score is arguably the worst score ever scored. The direction reminds me overwhelmingly of an episode of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, or its spinoff V.R. Troopers (which also, may I add, had a talking dog.) This general poorness includes the framing, the “wacky” use of sped-up footage to inspire “comedy.” However, it is a blissfully short 78 minutes, so the director is not trying to torture his audience (although this got an MPAA rating, which suggests it got some theatrical distribution.)

Even at 78 minutes this is too long. I’ll use the IMDB plot summary, after fixing up the spelling and grammar errors: “Billy, 10, a dreamer, wants to be taken seriously so he can live with his toy-designer father on Catalina Island. Billy's plans get seriously spoilt when Sherlock, a talking police dog, demands his help to rescue his police detective handler kidnapped by smugglers. But Sherlock likes to keep his talking a closely guarded secret. So now no one will take Billy seriously until he rescues the kidnapped detective and catches the smugglers...”

Does he catch the smugglers? Does anything funny happen? Does anything remotely entertaining happen? Does anyone deserve to watch this movie? The answers are, in order: yes, no, no, and possibly prison inmates but that would constitute cruel and unusual punishment.

For the record, the funniest thing about this movie is the IMDB FAQ:

“Does Sherlock Bones have any catchphrases?
He sure does - its ‘I no talk to people.’

Are there any plans for a sequel?
At present it does not look likely that a sequel will be produced.

What happened to the dog that portrayed Sherlock Bones?
Though not confirmed, it is widely believed that the thespianic dog unfortunately passed away some years ago.”

There’s some friends who learn to get along to help Sherlock Bones, a love interest between the dad and the vet. Wacky police officers. Wacky smugglers in wacky clothes that might have been fashionable in 1992 (we’re talking like rainbow-colored lycra.) And…yeah, is there a stronger way to say “do not ever watch this movie?” Other than “do not ever watch this movie?” Do not watch this movie.

Tune in next week when I review “Undercover Boy.” F-.

Screenwriting 101: Diary of a Spec Script Part 1

2008-06-01T23:58:00.000-07:00

For the next few weeks at least, I’m going to chronicle my own attempt to write a new spec screenplay. This will be my sixth feature I’ve written, although there are two, maybe three of those that are third or later drafts, and I would actually consider showing to an agent.

One thing worth noting is that these are the methods I’ve come up with after a lot of writing, and it’s primarily something that works for me. You’ll have to work on developing your own methods, but maybe what I do can give you an idea towards what to do.

First I need an idea. I’ve been thinking lately about the way the internet is, how people build entirely new and different lives in cyberspace, especially in those fan communities where people pretend to be something totally different from reality (like MMORPGs, or Second Life, or so on.) So I want to take that a step further: in the future, where virtual reality holds sway, people can live entirely different lives online, being whatever they want to be. That’s an idea.

An important question. How do I feel about this? That will help me figure out my tone and my theme. To be honest, while some elements of this can be fun, I think it’s really ridiculous. The tone I want to go for is absurd, ridiculous, and bizarre. I want to go for such audacious things in the online world (machine gun-wielding monkeys riding dinosaurs, etc.) and juxtapose that with very mundane things in the real world.

But where’s my story in this?

This is an important question to ask. You can’t go half-cocked into a screenplay not knowing what the story is or else you’ll meander and end up cutting a bunch of pages in rewriting. So, what is my “A” story, the main arc?

With this idea, of people being able to communicate across continents, a love story seems interesting: between two people who know each other well online, but might not even know they exist in the real world. I like that idea, but it doesn’t fit in with the audacity idea I had before, but I like it. I’ll keep that in mind for my “B” story. Subplots are nice, a few of them can help pad around another story and address your theme. And I can’t just have samurai fighting the entire Soviet army for the whole movie.

Now that I have a sense of my basic plot (absurd online action juxtaposed with mundane reality in a world where people waste countless hours in virtual reality) I have to ask: what is my theme. I seem to have a stance on technology here. The sentence in my head that jumped out to me was: “Technology is bringing us together even as it’s pulling us apart.” I like that. It’s a good theme. I put it on a sticky note on my laptop.

Now that that’s out of the way, I have a rough idea of what I want to do and my theme, I want to come up with a logline, which is good way to condense what you’re after. This is what I first wrote, which is a little long:

In the future, people live entire double lives online, lost in a virtual reality of their own making. Leroy Jenkins is one man who dedicates his life to the Virtual World, living in a realm of audacity and bizarreness even as his own life is full of boring mundaneness. Leroy wins a special competition in Virtual World, getting to playtest Virtual World 2.0. But when the process malfunctions, Leroy finds the virtual world and his virtual persona invading reality.

But I’m not using this as a pitch, it’s just for my own use. And you can see how the idea developed even in the last few minutes of me thinking about it. That sounds like a lot of fun to write and it’d be a great movie.

Next week, I outline and start coming up with my opening. Good writing!

It Came From Forgotten Filmography Fridays 11

2008-05-30T00:34:00.000-07:00

The Adventures of Robin Hood
(dir. Michael Curtiz and William Keighley, 1938)
Warner Bros
Synopsis: “Durr, don’t you worry, never fear, Robin Hood shall soon be here. He robs from the rich and he gives to the poor. Yo ho, we go skipping tra la through Sherwood Forest, helpin’ the needy and the oppressed.”

This is kind of a cop-out. I know Erroll “my wicked, wicked, ways” Flynn played Robin Hood. I know he’s one of the great swashbuckling actors of all time (along with guys like Basil Rathbone [who’s also in this movie] and Douglas Fairbanks.) I know this is going to be good. There’s even the clip of Bugs Bunny meeting him in the cartoons:

(near the end)

But I’ve never seen The Adventures Robin Hood. My familiarity with the Robin Hood story is rooted in:

The Disney Robin Hood cartoon

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves

Robin Hood Daffy

And, of course:

Robin Hood: Men in Tights

I have to ask you a few questions:
1) Do you like swordfights?
2) Do you like witty banter?
frankly, 3) Do you like good adventure movies?

To play devil’s advocate, you know the plot. This is all very CHC, and the Robin Hood myth is very much part of the common parlance. There’s a lot of intertitles, which comes out of being only a recent addition to the world of sound and color (1938,) the silent film techniques were still in very strong practice. But, still, a lot.

That being said, this film is beautiful lit, shot, and designed.

Also, Robin Hood is a stone. Cold. Badass. When defending a hunter who shot a king’s deer in the first scene, Robin lifts his bow at point blank range and threatens the Sheriff of Nottingham with an arrow to the face. Its hard to properly explain how cool I’ve decided Robin Hood is. Were I five years old, I would feel inclined to run around in green unitards. This movie is a lot of fun. I would try to characterize it as more than just a series of awesome swordfights. It’s actually just a great, fun, movie. If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth watching.

If you want to see one of the best fight scenes in film history (or in my top 10,) this is the classic. Errol Flynn, Basil Rathbone, swordfighting, spiral staircase, watch it, now:

A-.

Screenwriting 101: Good Idea, Bad Idea

2008-05-28T00:22:00.001-07:00

Good ideas are never so clear-cut as bad ideas.

An idea might seem a lot better on the page or in your head or in an outline than it might actually be. Bad ideas do not immediately make for bad scripts, but they certainly do not help make a good script any easier to write. So why add another problem towards making a great script?

An idea isn’t like an orange or a Jedi, you can’t tell when it’s gone bad. (Hint: If a Jedi has gone bad, his eyes will look all yellow and glowy. The orange will look brown and decayed. Both, however, smell awful. Do you think Darth Vader can bathe with that thing on? Also, what is the deal with airline food?)

Here are some ideas about how to tell if you have a good idea:
1) Make a Movie You Would Want to Make

Really, this should be a no-brainer, but it bears mentioning. A good idea is one that you will be excited about writing yourself, and nothing makes you more excited than writing a movie you yourself would like to see. Pick a genre, your favorite genre, and write a movie in that style. Nothing is more painful to write or watch than something not even the writer is interested in. If you don’t want to write it, no matter if it’s a good idea for somebody else to write, you shouldn’t write it. Furthermore, this extends to your own personal interests. You like vintage cars, make a movie set in the 50s full of drag racing.

2) Make a Movie People Already Have Seen Before

At the risk of sounding positively reactionary, if worse comes to worse, safe sells. Although many of us claim to be discerning filmgoers, a great percentage of people, and I know this because I worked for video retail, rent Jean Claude Van Damme movies and want to hear Will Smith say “Oh hell no!” and movies you may think are god-awful ideas (cf. Over my Dead Body or The Hottie and the Nottie) are popular and oft-requested titles. A lot of bad movies get made because they’re based on a good idea that’s been done to death. But you don’t have to be so blatant. Take an idea that’s been done before and make it another genre, or add some other twist, something you’d be interested in writing about (see #1.)

3) Talk to People

This might seem scary. People, as anyone who went through junior high can tell you, can be very cruel. But, people will be watching your movie. So talk to some friends about an idea you have, people you trust (and people who won’t steal your idea.) If a vast majority of them think it’s a bad idea, odds are, it is actually a bad idea. That might mean your pitch needs some work, so in case that’s an issue, before you run it by people, just write up your logline and memorize it before you hang out with your friends. If they really don’t like the idea (Juno in Space with a Sassy Robot,) then maybe it’s time to retool the idea, or drop it entirely. This is the entire premise behind focus groups, which are what Hollywood uses to retool ideas for mass appeal. However, be warned: this kind of focus group approach is best if done sparingly, or else you end up making something that tries to please too many people, and thus fails in the process.

4) Write an Idea List

Don’t just start with one script idea and start fleshing it out. Come up with a list of 4 or 5 or 6 or more ideas for screenplays. As Supreme Court Justice Potter Stuart said about obscenity, “I know it when I see it.” And the same holds true for good ideas. Against a backdrop of mediocre or poor ideas, a good idea shines out like a beacon. But, what if you like all your ideas and think all of them are good ideas? After you’re done patting yourself on the back, go and ask this question: which one is your favorite idea? You have one, you know it. Start work on that one.

If you really can’t decide, go and use strategy number three and ask 10 or so people which of those ideas is their favorite. If 5 or more pick the same idea, odds are that’s the one to go with.

5) Read. Read. Read./Watch. Watch. Watch.

Take in media. Read a few novels, watch a few movies, besides being fun, it’s educational. Pick out some ideas you like, or retool a bad idea you think could be better. Let’s say, for example, I thought the idea behind Anonymous Rex (a Forgotten Filmography Friday title, go back and read my review ) was really clever, but it was lacking in some kind of aspect. I could use the idea of a group of secretive individuals living parallel to humanity in a bizarre undercover society as a backdrop for my own idea (werewolves? Nazi robots? Whatever.) The more familiar you are with what people like (in additional to what you yourself like) the better you can craft an idea and a screenplay.

6) Steal. Steal. Steal.

But steal discerningly. Don’t lift whole patches of dialogue (unless you’re looking for guild arbitration or are writing a very insightful [and in-cite-ful] parody.) But, if you like parts of an idea, mash them together, throw a bunch of ideas against a wall and see which ones stick.

That’s it for this time. Next week, I’ll be starting a special series, “Diary of Spec Script,” which will chronicle my attempt to write a new script from scratch. Keep writing!

Honorary Forgotten Filmography Friday

2008-05-27T23:56:00.000-07:00

When I was 16 I was home sick from school, and watched the most bizarre, and wonderful guilty pleasure film of all time. Now I hope to inspire you to rent it (I own it, and am extremely willing to loan it out to friends. You’ll see why soon enough.)

I’ve technically seen this movie, but after watching a series of obscure movies I disliked, I decided to talk about one I loved, and one of the reasons I keep diving through piles of unmitigated crap.

Well, I think to myself, Maybe this one will be another Six-String Samurai.

Six-String Samurai is to post-apocalyptic rockabilly samurai movies what Gone with the Wind is to the Civil War. All hyperbole aside, this is a movie worth discussing.

Since I’ve seen it before, I can’t in my vague and nebulous sense of ethics give this its own Forgotten Filmography segment. But, I have to discuss this obscure gem.

This is even better for having the “In a World” Voice Over guy attached to it.

Six-String Samurai is set in an alternate timeline where the Russians bombed the US in 1957, Elvis was King of the last bastion of hope, Lost Vegas, and after he died, every swordswinging post-apocalyptic Rock n’Roller is gunning for Elvis’ crown.

Six-String Samurai very closes follows what TV Tropes calls “The Rule of Cool” (found here http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RuleOfCool) insomuch as the cooler something is, the more the audience is willing to forgive its inherent ridiculousness. A samurai dressed like Buddy Holly fighting three bowlers, cavemen, or the entire Russian Army, for example. Or fighting Death (who bears an uncanny resemblance to Slash from Guns and Roses,) in a guitar duel.

It is hard for me to describe the pleasure Six String Samurai has in its audiacity and its ridiculousness. If you tried to justify, or even really explain this film other than just discussing its patent bizarreness comes off as “you really have to have been there.” But I’m going to try anyway.

This film is rather well-documented on Youtube, so I can show a handful of my favorite sequences. At it’s core, despite the story of The Kid, the orphan who follows Buddy around and eventually learns what it takes to be a real rock ‘n roll samurai, this narrative is primarily episodic, with our titular samurai at odds with some bizarre menace or another.

This is the tail-end second sequence in the film, where a gang of killer bowlers is after Buddy’s guitar on the orders of Death himself. Watch the whole clip, but pay particularly close attention at 1:17:

This sequence is oddly tone breaking, the cannibal Cleaver sequence. If this film were a question, it would be “what the hell am I watching?!” Followed immediately by, “Why do I like it so much?” And, most likely, “What’s wrong with me?”

This is a scene near the beginning of the Third Act, where Buddy Holly single handedly defeats the Soviet Army with his kung fu guitar rock ‘n roll magic. And of course Commies hate rock ‘n roll.

Finally, Buddy Holly vs. Slash/Death. SUCCUMB TO THE POWER OF HEAVY METAL! Also note the hilariously out-of-left-field Wizard of Oz allusion ending.

You have received the thrust of the movie, but some parts missed include:
* Samurai Buddy Holly dueling scimitar-swinging Ritchie Valens in the desert.
* Buddy’s “Spinach Monster” speech after the opening credits.
* the argument about whether a 54 Plymouth can outrun a 57 Chevy (in the first quarter mile, that is.)

So, why aren’t you renting this movie? Netflix and Blockbuster Online both carry it. Your local video store…well, I can’t vouch for your personal video store. But add it to your queue already. You will not regret it!

Follow the Yellow Brick Road, homie!

It Came From Forgotten Filmography Friday 10

2008-05-23T00:47:00.000-07:00

Porco Rosso (Kureni no buta) (dir. Hayao Miyazaki, 1992)
Studio Ghibli
Tagline (well, not really, but I like it): “I’d rather be a pig than a fascist”
Synopsis: 1930s aerial ace cursed to be a humanoid pig finds his humanity as he battles a swaggering American pilot hired to defeat him. Or, as the anonymous imbd synopis reads: “In Early 1930's era Italy, air pirates, bounty hunters and high flyers of all sorts rule the skies. The most cunning and skilled of these pilots is Porco Rosso, a man cursed with the head of a pig after watching the spirits of the pilots killed in the last air battle he fought in rise to the heavens. He now makes a living taking jobs, such as rescuing those kidnapped by air pirates. Donald Curtis, Porco's rival in the air and in catching the affections of women, provides a constant challenge to the hero, culminating in a hilarious, action packed finale.”

I guess this is my attempt to make up for Three Pigs and a Baby. I had heard of Porco Rosso prior to renting it, but I assumed it’s under almost everybody else’s radar, thus its forgotten title. Sort of a cop-out, yes. Wait till next week's.

For those who’ve never heard of him, Hayao Miyazaki was (since he retired, although he still keeps working,) probably the greatest force in animation since Walt Disney. His Studio Ghibli has produced films like My Neighbor Totoro, Princess Mononoke, and Spirited Away. If you’re not familiar with his work, do yourself a favor and rent everything he’s ever made, even if you hate animation, or just Japanese animation (or especially so in those cases.) Miyazaki’s work touches an emotional core few other filmmakers in general can, although in animation Disney did, and the folks at Pixar are doing an admirable job here stateside (John Lasseter also oversaw the Mouse’s American distribution of Ghibli’s films, so they must be fans.)

Porco Rosso is set in the 1930s Adriatic, where seaplanes and sky-pirates rule. Porco Rosso is the best amongst them, a bounty hunter cursed with a pig-like physique and wanted by the Italians for not flying for Il Dulce. He is bested by an American pilot, who also has an eye for the various women in Porco’s life. After getting his plane fixed, he finds himself in continued conflict with the various skypirates.

I couldn’t find any caps of the scene where Porco is cursed, watching the planes ascend into the white sky of heaven. But, it was one of the most beautiful and genuinely heartbreaking scenes in animation.

The Disney dub is pretty good, with some somewhat major names contributing their talents (Michael Keaton does the voice for Porco, and Cary Elwes his American rival.) I would recommend you go out and see this movie, it’s become one of my new favorites.

Porco Rosso approves. A.

Screenwriting 101: The A-Ha Moment!

2008-05-19T00:01:00.001-07:00

This is a little more oblique than a lot of the stuff I’ve discussed before.

Inspiration is something that’s really important to any writer, because without it you’d have no idea what to write or where you’re going, and craftsmanship. Thomas Edison famously noted invention is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. What I’ve focused on here thusfar has been the “perspiration,” rolling up your sleeves and actually focusing your drive on the ambitions you’ve set before you, and the techniques to (the tools in the writer’s craftbench.) But, despite it’s small quantity in the process, inspiration is important.

I can’t say with any certainty where this inspiration comes from. It could just be the right two neurons connecting at the right time. It could be heaven sent, or the workings of the subconscious or the collective unconscious. It could be magic gnomes that live inside your head. In any event, it’s there and it happens, and the phenomenology thereof is really immaterial.

The more you write and the more you work, the easier it becomes, I feel, to get inspired. You will find that in certain situations you are more prone to be inspired than others. These are the “A-Ha!” moments, where everything falls into place and you know exactly what you have to do (or close enough to fake it.)

For example, most of my A-Ha moments happen late at night, around midnight or later, when I’m trying to sleep in bed. Suddenly, I’ll either know exactly what I want to write about, or I’ll have the perfect scene for my own script. I typically have to race to my computer to pound out a rough outline or a few pages or the scene in question, sometimes I’ll find myself rewriting a whole script this way (I did this just recently with one of my specs.)

For every person this is different. Ernest Hemingway usually started writing very early in the morning, although typically this is because he was so drunk by midday he couldn’t write any more. For me, I’m more of a night owl (and I also typically avoid the harder spirits, and drugs in general for that matter,) and I do my best writing sometime between eleven at night and the early morning hours. I’ve actually always been this way, before I could go to bed I’d have a million crazy ideas for stories or just things to imagine. It might be something intrinsic to myself and my own creative process, so yours might be entirely different. You might find the inspiration you seek in the bath, or upside down, or in the car, or at the office, or whatever. But, wherever you find your inspiration, you’ll find it becomes easier to get to it if you find yourself in a similar situation (maybe you’re brain knows this is a good situation to be creative and thus is more creative.)

What is key to being inspired is learning to tell a good idea from a bad idea. More on that next week. Good writing!

It Came From Forgotten Filmography Friday 9

2008-05-16T23:28:00.000-07:00

Three Pigs and a Baby (2008)
Dirs. Howard E. Baker and Arysh Fyzee
The Weinstein Company/Jim Henson Films
Synopsis: “Topical” “adult-friendly” “humor” meets “wacky” “fairy tale” meets cut-rate CGI animation meets me trying not to gouge out my eyes with spoons for an hour and a half.

I rented two movies this week produced by the Jim Henson Company. The first, Mirrormask, was exceptional, and I’d recommend everyone go out and try to rent it. (By my own extremely arbitrary rules I can’t talk about it because I had heard of it.)

The second:

Unstable Fables: Three Pigs and a Baby is not.

We all know the success of the fairy tale send-up in Shrek. And, if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, these fellas are very sincere flatterers.

If it isn’t clear from the poster, the animation is god awful. And not like bad, but just incredibly unpleasing. Every character looks weird. Especially the wolves.

Especially the wolves.

The film chronicles the three little pigs who, after routing the big bad wolf, being infiltrated by wolves who place a baby into their custody believing the baby will turn on its parents to feed them (they end up having to trick the adopted wolf-who-doesn’t-believe-he’s-a-wolf-and-thinks-he’s-a-pig-wolf to do it anyway.)

Three topic jokes I could do without:
1) all the FEMA jokes
2) “It’s a little too soon for Mission: Accomplished, cadet”
3) And the interracial adoption plot as a whole.

Three pop culture references I could have done without:
1) Dr. Wolfowitz, the Dr. Strangelove-esque mad-scientist, complete with the “out of control appendage” (in this case a tail.)
2) The nod to “The Great Muppet Caper” (which only served to remind me what a great genius Jim Henson was, and what.)
3) The line-by-line reenactment of the “you’re tearing me apart” monologue from Rebel Without a Caue.

And, finally, all the gay pig jokes.

John Cryer plays one of the three pigs, Richard, who is, well, the gay pig. In his house of sticks (which is meticulously decorated) he has a prized statue of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Thus he’s a “friend of Dorothy.” He’s overly fussy about his clothes, decorations, and so on. He also goes “Hello, teenagers!” at one point, which, if you can read the inflection, was, well effeminate to say the least. At the end, when grabbing onto a motorcycle, he’s happy it has “a sissy bar.” I don’t want kids watching movies that perpetuates homophobia. Cryer’s performance, in and of itself, is not exceptionally offensive and barely comes off as swishy, but the things they have him say makes me squirm.

Not that there’s a lack of things that made me squirm.

If you have kids under the age of 5, try to find something better for them to watch. If you’re over 5, ignore this movie like the plague.

D-.

Screenwriting 101: Redrafting

2008-05-12T00:21:00.000-07:00

Writing is fun. Rewriting though…is not fun. I have yet to meet somebody who legitimately enjoys redrafting their scripts, but it’s a necessary evil. Like flossing. And although some people might get away with not flossing and still have an awesome set of pearly whites. If you want your script to be the best and brightest out there (and who doesn’t?) you need to do not just one rewrite, but multiple ones.

But, you may think, why multiple rewrites? Isn’t one enough?

In a word, no.

You have multiple things to fix when you’re rewriting, and each thing is difficult enough to find as it is. The easiest way to do this is to do multiple “passes” of a script, looking for certain things, like characterization (dialogue continuity generally, but also actions, for each character,) story continuity, rephrasing (I go through the whole script and generally ask myself “can I explain this in less space while explaining it more thoroughly,”) look for extraneous scenes, look for missing scenes, and general spelling/grammar errors (or, the bane of any writer in the era of spellcheck, writing a totally different word than you mien. See what I did there? That’s what we call ‘comedy.’ Or what I do anyway.) It’s best to do this after some time has past so you can look fresh upon the material.

This may be arduous to do once on a 100+ page script, let alone over and over and over and over again as you look for each individual thing.

But why make the script the best it can be? Odds are, you’re going to be asked by whoever buys it to do a rewrite anyway? Well, the thing is, if you don’t do a good job with that rewrite, then you’re in real trouble, because the studio or the producer will bring in another writer to do your work for you, and before you know it you’re splitting your paycheck 15 ways to Tuesday. And nobody wants that, except for us other writers trying to get paid for a lot of work you already started. So polish your script as brightly as you can before you try and sell it, that way you’ll have to do less editing when that moment arises.

Next week’s topic is going to be the “a-ha!” moment. Good writing!

It Came From Forgotten Filmography Friday 8

2008-05-09T00:40:00.000-07:00

Anonymous Rex
(dir. Julian Jarrold, 2004)
Illumination Films
“For 65 Million Years, They’ve Watched, and Waited…”
Synopsis: “The dinosaurs didn't go completely extinct when the asteroids hit 65 million years ago. Today, every ten thousandth person in the country is a dinosaur, evolved to be human-sized, wearing sophisticated solid-light holographic disguises to maintain the facade, getting stoned off regular cooking herbs like basil, rosemary and tarragon, and living by their own shadow government's laws; any human who stumbles upon them is to be immediately executed. Two dino private investigators, velociraptor Vincent Rubio (Sam Trammell) and triceratops Ernie Watson (Daniel Baldwin), are hired by one of Ernie's old girlfriends to find out why her younger brother committed suicide, and discover a dino cult called Voice Of Progress that wants dinokind to come out of the closet and reclaim the planet.”

This is a made-for-TV adaptation of a book by Eric Garcia. I imagine the conversation with Garcia to go like this:

“Hey, Eric, this is your agent.“
“How’s the casting going on Anonymous Rex?”
“Great, we managed to rope a Baldwin.”
“Really?! Which one?!”
“…”
“Alec, right?”
“…”
“Billy? Stephen?”
“…Daniel.”
[Throws the phone to the ground in rage]

The cast here includes some other names besides overweight (recovering) cocaine addict Baldwin, like Isaac Hayes and Faye Dunaway.

For all my desire for this to suck, it actually doesn’t. The story’s pretty clever (likely because it’s an adaptation of a novel series, author Garcia is a co-executive producer.)

The premise is great: what if the dinosaurs didn’t die out, but instead evolved into a human-sized mirror society, living amongst humans through the use of solid-light holographs. This culture has its own laws, primary amongst which is don’t show your reptilian form to humans.

This script is pretty solid. The camera relies on a lot of sped-up movement to rely the passage of time.

The plot concerns velociraptor detective Vincent searching for answers regarding a pro-dino cult. Eddie (Baldwin) is his partner, and, thankfully, most of his subplot and work is brief and quick to forget for the main plot.

This is exactly the kind of thing I’m on the lookout for. Something I have never heard of, something frankly I am unsure I would like.

The dinosaurs use herbs the way humans use drugs, getting a fingertip of sage or whatever. Tarragon has an effect like PCP. But it’s hard not to giggle about that. Tarragon.

Tee hee. Tarragon.

Anyway, my favorite scene is Daniel Baldwin’s character angrily storming out of the house going to “the club,” for a raid, and his daughter saying, distraught, “It’s 3 AM!”

Which I imagine to be something out of his real life.

Barring the strange casting and the script which is a little out there, this is a fun sci-fi movie. I’d recommend it. B.

I couldn’t find any relevant clips, so this is Daniel Baldwin.

Screenwriting 101: Keeping the Pace

2008-05-05T00:29:00.001-07:00

Pacing.

Is.

Important.

It really is.

You can tell any story in any amount of time, in either 5 seconds, or 30 seconds, or over hours and hours. But a screenplay is a limited format. You can’t make 6 hour epics or 30 second mini-films (but you can do that online.) Well, you can, but most people aren’t going to sit through the whole thing. Most movies are between 90-120 movies (1.5-2 hours,) with some larger films rarely pushing to 3 hours. This gives you a limited space to tell the story you want to tell.

On the other hand, you have more than adequate time to tell a story, and you need to put all the information in such a way that it’s not just one massive infodump (“…and then, and then, and then…”)

The audience will not want to receive the whole of the story immediately (or else, why watch it?) but they also expect some kind of narrative to tie itself together eventually.

Thus, pacing is important. This fits in with the act structure I discussed earlier, but, in simpler terms, you can’t feed the audience all the information immediately. You need to dose it out in small amounts over the course of 90 or more pages.

This is the core of pacing your story. You need to make sure that every scene provides some piece of information that is crucial to the story, even if the audience is not immediately aware of the importance. At the same time, you cannot provide too much information in one scene, or else the audience will be overwhelmed, and also will feel more like they’re being bombarded.

To properly pace out a story starts when you’re outlining. Keep in mind what the audience needs to know and when they need to know it for the most dramatic efect.

This is crucial to the “surprise twist” of suspense films. By withholding and pacing out when you deal information, you can have your surprise twist 75 minutes in (or whenever.)

On the same note, you must be careful to the volume of information you need to tell. If you need to present too much information, a film might become less a narrative and more a series of facts.

A handy trick I use in these instances is, if I know I’m transmitting some piece of information, I make a note of it, either immediately above the scene itself (later deleted) or in a separate document I’m looking at. That way I know I need to provide this piece of information.

Next week, we’ll be discussing the redrafting process. Good writing!

It Came From Forgotten Filmography Friday 7

2008-05-02T14:54:00.000-07:00

Space Truckers (dir. Stuart Gordon, 1996)
Goldcrest Films International
Synopsis: “The year is 2196 – John Canyon (Dennis Hopper) is a down-on-his-luck independent trucker trying to keep an honest living transporting loadd across the solar system in his rocket powered rig. In a last ditch effort to stay in business rather than being forced into teaming up with the ‘Corporation,’ Canyon joins forces with Mike Pucci (Stephen Dorff) to pull off a dangerous transport – contents unknown. At over five times the going rate, it’s an offer they can’t refuse. With the help from stowaway Cindy (Debbi Mazar), the trio sets out on an adventure they will never forget. To make the scheduled deadline, Canyon abandons the usual shipping lanes and heads for the scum cluster – a warzone of bandits, black rocks and rogue asteroids – where they eventually are hi-jacked by the Regalia, a private warship headed by Captain Macanudo (Charles Dance.) It is here the secret of the mystery is revealed and the battle for the universe begins!”

This here is Rubber Duck, we got ourselves a convoy.

I did a couple of bad direct-to-DVD horror movies and action films involving giant insects lately, so I thought it would be in better taste to move towards something else. This is a movie about truckers. Truckers in space. I was drawn to the cast of B- lists, and Dennis “King Koopa” Hopper. This was in a special period of Hopper’s career right around Super Mario Bros and Water World where he was playing insane villains. This is also the time Stephen Dorff was making Blade, and Debbi Mazar was being friends with Madonna and playing the bad henchgirl to Drew Barrymore’s good one in Batman Forever.

Space Truckers is, regardless of it being what the film is about, an awful title.

The production design immediately seems like it was the stuff the Starship Troopers people thought was too weird looking. Shiny labcoats and the costumes look halfway between Troopers and Space Balls with a dash of The Fifth Element thrown in, and comparing this movie to two of my favorite sci-fi movies is not a compliment here (one of them isn’t Starship Troopers.)

Opening with a can of beer floating in the style of Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey is not making many friends with film elitists. This movie is immediately ridiculous. Is it a comedy? George Wendt is in it as a bad-tempered Corporate shill straw man.

Hopper’s character here is not so much insane and evil as he is just kind of off. He’s supposed to be a badass, but I don’t see it.

I keep feeling moments I should laugh (the square hogs, for example,) but am unsure if it’s intentional. Or a tooth floating in zero gravity.

John Canyon spends his free time beating up the same three or four guys and showing how anti-corporate he is. And George Went gets suctioned out into space.

They are, of course, too rebellious and anti-corporate to work for The Man, so they go to carry a mysterious cargo. This, of course, takes them to the (Hive of) Scum (and Villany) Cluster and navigating an asteroid field of vaguely mirror-like asteroids (NEVER tell him the odds.)

This movie tries to force the awkward romantic tension between Stephen Dorf and Debbi Mazar’s characters. Just another bit of extremely awkward forced tension in the Dorf-Mazar-Hopper triangle of awkwardness. They’re supposed to be married, Hopper and Mazar. I think? Hopper seems to take it way more serious than Mazar.

Corporations, bad. Independent unions, good.

The bad guy is like a cyborg nazi leather man. Which is worse than a corporate shill, slightly, I guess. This led to the incredibly bizarre “dick chopping” discussion.

“If you’re gonna hack off my dick, do it! I’ll change my name to Terry or Lee or something neutral. That ain’t gonna change what I know.”

This movie is so bizarre and I’m not sure if I’m supposed to laugh. Sometimes I am, and sometimes…

The ending is more than kinda stupid, and I’m still not sure if this is a comedy or not. I’d probably skip this one were I in your position. C-/D+.

Screenwriting 101: That Damned Shotgun

2008-04-28T19:25:00.000-07:00

I admittedly apologize for all the quotes, metaphors, and analogies, but it’s the best way to explain set-ups and pay-offs.

Vladmir Propp described narrative as: lack, lack liquidated. Or, alternatively, Kurt Vonnegut described the idea of “the hole”: somebody’s in trouble and keeps digging themselves in deeper. Joseph Campbell built a huge flowchart describing this process in stories ranging (with some stretching) to the “narratives arcs” of Jesus Christ and Cinderella, and were used as the template for the heroic epic adventures of Luke Skywalker, Neo, and Harry Potter.

We filmgoers go to the movies (as readers read, or theatergoers go to plays) with an expectation: we want to get something out of it. What is that something, exactly? It can vary. A fright, a laugh, a tear, whatever. In any event, it is something, and, whether you are immediately aware of it or not (and if you plan to write, you’d best get aware of it real fast) a successful film makes a narrative contract between viewer and media: you are going to receive X, and you are going to receive X in a way you do not expect. And who’s job is it to make sure X is received and it remains unseen? That falls to you, the ever-suffering writer.

Russian playwright Anton Chekov said, “If in Act I you have a pistol hanging on the wall, then it must fire in the last act." What Chekov is describing is what screenwriters call set-ups and pay-offs.

Set-ups and pay-offs are lack and the liquidation of lack. They are jokes and punchlines. They are tragic bits of foreshadowing. They are what is expected and what is given in an unexpected way.

Unexpected is important here. If your viewer gets what he is expected in an expected way, he is bored. Despite having been given what he is promised, he is disappointed. How you wrap your present is just as important as what you’re presenting.

Think of a magician, who you expect to do something magical. While you are watching his performance, he performs a bit of unexpected legerdemain that . You are the magician here. And what magicians do to do their tricks is not just sleight of hand, but misdirection. You draw the audience’s eye to something else, so you they aren’t paying close attention to your hands. Maybe a flourish with your arms, or brushing your sleeves, or whatever.

One of the best examples of set-ups and pay-offs I can think of is the first Back to the Future (Zemeckis, 1985.) My favorite example of a good set-up and pay-off is the business with the clock tower. In the set-up scene, Marty and Jennifer are trying to set up their date in the cabin. There’s a woman handing out flyers regarding saving the clock tower, which Jennifer uses to write her number on. We aren’t interested in the old lady or the clock tower, we’re interested in Marty and Jennifer’s interactions (watching where we’re supposed to.) Later, as Marty’s trying to figure out a way to fix his time machine so he can return to 1985, he looks at the other side of the flyer Jennifer wrote her number on, and suddenly we all remember about the clock tower.

The movie has a lot of other great set-up’s and pay-off’s as well, but that’s an excellent example. Another is Marty’s love of rock and roll, he’s first denied at the battle of the bands audition (which also shows he’s a pretty smokin’ guitarist,) but then when he travels back in time, he gets to play on that same stage, wow the audience, and influence Chuck Berry (via his cousin, Marvin Berry.) There are plenty more, too.

So, how do you make set-up’s and pay-off’s? Two ways. While I’m writing, I usually come up with the pay-off first, and then figure out how to do the set-up, which is kind of a backwards way of doing it, but effective. Say, for example, to use the Chekov gun analogy, if somebody’s supposed to get shot, I’ll go back and set up a gun earlier in the script (as far apart as I can feasibly allow so the audience isn’t thinking about that gun.)

A set-up or pay-off can come out of nowhere without the other, but this is jarring and can alternatively shock and confuse your audience or produce a comedic effect. For example, although I love this movie, in the campy Adam West Batman film (dir. Neil Hefti, 1966,) Batman produces his infamous Bat Shark Repellant Spray. This is absurd (and within the show’s goals of high camp,) but had this been one of the more recent Chris Nolan Batman films, he should have had a scene where Batman was studying animal repellants (and Alfred chiding him for him paranoid and overly prepared.) When he runs into a shark in the end of the second act…boom. Bat Shark Repellant. And then it’s alright. We as the audience got a set-up, and a pay-off, instead of just a pay-off.

Having just a set-up can create a sense of lack that remains unfulfilled. You expectedly await the gag to come, and you wait, and wait, and wait... It’s like those cartoons with Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck where Daffy rigs the xylophone to explode when a certain note is paid. Bugs keeps missing that one note. We as the audience, although not necessarily desiring Bugs Bunny to explode, want to see a KABOOM. Daffy gets just as frustrated and shows him how to play it, and we get our earth-shattering kaboom.

Or, alternatively, the “shave and a haircut” knock from Who Framed Roger Rabbit we, like Roger, are dying to hear the last two notes. Dun dunna dun dun… “Shave and a haircut…”

So, make sure to include set-ups and pay-offs in your film, regardless of genre, and you’ll have you audience laughing, crying, screaming, or whatever they asked for.

Next week, we’ll discuss pacing. Good writing!

It Came From Forgotten Filmography Fridays 6

2008-04-25T00:04:00.000-07:00

A Mexican Werewolf in Texas (dir. Scott Maginnnis, 2005)
“It’s Hunger Knows No Bounds!”
or “Terror has just crossed the border!”
or “Dey took our joooobs!”
Synopsis: A chupacabra terrorizes a goat-rich Texas border town of Furlogh.
Or, from the back of the DVD box, “Anna and her bored high school friends band together and plot their escape from their suffocating little Texas border town AKA ‘Goat Capitol of the World’ until, a savage attacker preys on the inhabitants - first the goats, then the humans. The local, half-witted cops think it’s a coyote, but Anna and her friends believe the murders are the signature killings of the legendary Latin American urban myth – “El Chupacabra,” or Mexican Werewolf!”

I would like to begin today’s review discussing a movie I mentioned in passing: Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. In interviews, screenwriter Paul Dehn claimed that his inspiration for the ape uprising was the Watt’s riots of the ‘70s. Clearly, the contemporary “immigration ‘crisis’” is an issue for A Mexican Werewolf in Texas. Before even watching the film, I imagine this Mexican Werewolf has snuck over to take maimings away from the lazy gringo Werewolves (and willing to do it for drastically less pay.)

I would like to bring up one major point before we go any further: El Chupacabra is not a werewolf, and is rarely describing in accounts as having wolf-like features at all. Calling it a “Mexican Werewolf” is, frankly, bizarre (it’d almost be like calling Bigfoot “American Yeti.”) Also, the DVD box claims the town of Furlogh as the “Goat Capitol of the World.” Two word definitions.

Capital: A city that is the center of a specified activity.
Ex. Castroville, CA claims to be the Artichoke Capital of the World.
Capitol: A building or group of buildings in which state legislature meets and where other state government offices may be houses.
Ex. The legislature had a long meeting at the capitol.

So, unless these goats are holding state legislature meetings, and on a global level, it is not the Goat Capitol of the World, but the Goat Capital of the World. Sorry, I just found it irritating. They also misprint this on the sign in the movie itself. Which is unfortunate.

Also, I would have just as readily watched a movie entitled El Chupacabra over Mexican Werewolf.

This movie is not just bizarre, it’s award-winningly so. It won four awards at the Festival of Science Fiction, Fantasy, Horror and the Supernatural in Las Vegas. Best Picture, Best Screen Story, Best Supporting Actress, and Best Monster Make-Up Effects. In short, it’s almost like the Mexican Werewolf equivalent of No County for Old Men.

I was, to be honest, expecting this movie to be a lot worse, which is perhaps why I was able to enjoy it. Before that, I’ll get into the bad: The special effects are awful (take a look at the guy in the chupacabra costume in that earlier clip. Or here:)

The gore isn’t as awful, but because of the next problem looks less impressive and more like a shiny mess. The film’s entire lighting budget appeared to be “natural lighting and three flashlights,” which made all the nighttime location shots more confusing than frightening. All of the acting is pretty wooden. They also reuse the one same shot for the Chupacabra’s POV in multiple scenes which, although thrifty, becomes pretty noticeable (he goes left, right, then starts to go left again, stops, and goes right.)

Now, the good. This was not as awful as I was expecting it to be. The script, despite some problems (a few scenes I could definitely cut, but at 88 minutes I think they were trying to fatten it up as much as possible,) was good. The characterization and plotting are all passable, and the film is very genre-savvy. The direction and camerawork is actually pretty decent, there are some interesting camera angles and compositions (the scene with the uncle in the hospital, for example.)

The story is about Anna Furlough (whose family the town is after) struggling to escape from the redneck border town and “Goat Capitol” she inhabits. Everyone in this film is a pretty crude stereotype, both the rednecks and the Mexicans. At least they are consistent.

Of course, everything’s turned upside down by the invasion of La Chupacabra. If you’ve seen any monster movie you can fill in the blanks: the sheriff doesn’t believe in it, the adults are mostly baffled as it kills the goats. Then it gains a taste for human flesh. Sort of. It’s complicated and I don’t want to spoil it.

The first 45 or so minutes (the first 3 attacks or so) flow well, but it started to drag for the second half as everything resolved itself.

My favorite scene, which made little to no sense, involved Anna’s father, furious that his daughter was dating a Mexican, dressing up like the chupacabra and going to attack her boyfriend after hearing his plans to stalk and shoot the beast. Maybe the best plan would involve not disguising yourself as something somebody’s looking out to shoot. The costume he made out of hides looked almost as good as the one the crew threw together.

I didn’t necessarily think this film was awesome or incredible by any means, but it was a fun schlocky horror fest. And it was not cringe-worthy, for sure. Monster movie fans check it out. C+.

Finally, I would like to show you this review I found on YouTube. Besides incorrectly assuming this to be a sequel to John Landis’ classic An American Werewolf in London, this guy is, well, an idiot. But a hilarious idiot:

The Honest to Blog Truth

2008-04-23T00:03:00.001-07:00

Juno (Jason Reitman, 2007) is thoroughly overrated.

I’ve likely made my share of enemies (or friends) by making this statement.

On paper, I should love this film. I am, for one, all about witty banter and bon mot’s being thrown about. I’m a fan of Jason Reitman’s previous film, the über-satire Thank You For Smoking (Reitman, 2004.) I also usually like “indie comedies” as much as an idiotic subgenre distinction that is.

The problem, here, lies in the script. And, in particular, the screenwriter, Diablo Cody.

So, as the above will establish, I speak fluent Internet.

Now, what exactly is the problem with this script? For one, characterization. The vast majority of the characters share far too many diction choices to keep me (at the least, and I hope others) from noticing a few too many similarities.

Two, this is the big thrust here:

NOBODY TALKS LIKE THAT. EVER! NOBODY!

Perhaps, if Juno were something of mild or moderate acclaim, I could forgive the flaws of this film. However, this is a film that won an Academy Award for Writing. I find this personally mind-boggling. It might be passable, even better than many.

The problem for me with the writing lies in diction. Almost every character has an extremely thorough vocabulary (throwing words like “shenanigans” at extremely jarring moments,) fast-paced dialogue, and “World Series of Pop Culture” levels of pop culture literacy.

I believe this film could have been about 20x better if: 1) a few more drafts had been attempted; 2) perhaps another writer had been brought on board.

With that in mind, here is my MST3K reading of the Juno screenplay. You can find a copy yourself here www.ellen-page.net/presskits/Juno_Script.pdf:

Following are my notes, before I give up out of depression:

Page 1. Scene 1.

Rule 1: keep your action boxes as small as possible. I try to limit mine to 4 lines. 9 is pushing it, but acceptable. “It’s FALL.” Why is that capitalized? She overdescribes “she winces and shields her eyes from the glare of the sun.” Everything’s a little over-described. And, yes, I graduated college too. But I don’t go throwing around words like “fetid”
Rule 2: Dusk?! Really? Dusk?!

Scene 2.
In italics for no real reason.

Scene 3.
“We see...” Who sees?

Page 4
Scene 9.
(Examining stick) should be on it’s own line.

Page 12:
“Sound the gong of awkwardness”? Figurative language is find when you’re writing a novel, but screenplays need to be a tad more technical.

Page 14:
Juno’s bit of business here is the first line I’ve actually liked…14 pages in. Despite the fact she’s on a hamburger phone. (In the marginalia should be notes like “Ooh, I’m so quirky!”)

Page 15:
The character of Juno’s father is somewhat troubling to me.

Page 21:
Look at this page of dialogue. There’s nothing quite so exciting as seeing two people talk to each other in large blocks (12 lines?!).

And that’s all I can do with a clean conscience.

I realized I should say something nice about this movie. Structurally, it is passable. I mean, the problems of the first act are set up within the first 20, so she’s got that going for her.

Much like the character yourself, Juno tries SO HARD to convince you how cool and hip and indie it is. However, once you get beyond that, there is literally 0 substance to back it up.

In conclusion, Hamburger Phone, Schmamburger Phone.