Irony is No Longer Ironic

“It’s like rain on your wedding day…”

“How can you be nostalgic for something that happened a little while ago.”
- George Carlin

This is more of a cultural studies concept, but it has, tangentially, to do with media.

Earlier, while passing by a local Hot Topic, I came across the following shirt.



Now, my feelings on Juno are well documented. However, my feelings for the movie are nothing compared to this faux faded shirt with a catch phrase from a movie from last year.

This is clearly my fault for actually looking inside a Hot Topic, which is pretty much where my childhood went to fester and die. But this particular store is the nexus of where the ironic t-shirt seems its most strong in our culture.

The ironic t-shirt is something that is not new, and are in fact quite common, especially amongst arrogant “alternative” kids who want to make a statement without actually having to speak or formulate it themselves.

The irony, theoretically anyway, is that others would not expect the shirt-wearer, a hip, edgy, person who likes to self-identify as part of a fringe culture, as a fan of Rainbow Brite, or to call attention to the nostalgia inherent in the shirt. However, something so contemporary as a movie released so recently deconstructs both of these ironic arguments, because, firstly, Juno is supposed to be a “hip” “indie” movie that is devoid of any kind of ironic cache of childishness, and is too recent to be nostalgic. This shirt is faded for no reason other than for the sake of itself, which actually, in and of itself isn’t exactly as much ironic as it is stupid.

This kind of forced irony is something that’s become a little to prevalent, but the real irony lies here: that these supposedly hip looking people would not be buying shirts with these characters on them unless they actually liked them. So the irony is not that they seem to be cool wearing a lame t-shirt, but that they’re lame people pretending to be cool by wearing a lame t-shirt. This, actually, is some kind of meta-irony, where the irony itself is ironic.

Perhaps, in order to further increase the edge, and irony, the t-shirt companies will begin printing faded ironic shirts for things that haven’t even happened yet. I will comb the mall and see t-shirts with Jake Gyllenhaal for The Prince of Persia (Projected for a 2010 release) or the new faded shirt for the latest children’s cartoon show, like The Brave and the Bold:


Once this becomes passé, we will have t-shirts that will make us nostalgic for things that never were, like Superman Lives or a tour t-shirt for Doctor Teeth and the Electric Mayhem. And then, after that, ironic t-shirts will be ones that don’t show anything at all on them. And, finally, every t-shirt will be ironic, whether it is intentionally worn as such or not. And then, when all t-shirts are equally ironic, then and only then will people forget about all this nonsense and get on with their lives.

I will not even address the idea of owning an actual hamburger phone yourself:


That is just plain stupid, and nobody has any excuse to do that. Ever.

A french fry phone of the other hand:



Well, that speaks for itself, doesn't it?

Screenwriting 101: Don’t Sweat the Dry Spells

Remember my screenwriting articles?

Well, the problem with any sort of creative work (screenwriting included) is you can’t force yourself to produce, despite how much you might want or need to. Sometimes you just don’t know what to do next, or how to do what you want to do something, and inspiration is being fickly silent.

Do not sweat it. This does not mean you’re a bad writer. This happens to everybody at times, and you can’t expect to produce material constantly or even eternally. Ideally, I’d write a page of a screenplay a day. And that would be a good habit for anyone to keep. But, in truth, it’s more erratic. You might write five pages in one day, ten the next, rewriting cuts that down to maybe 10, and then a few weeks of stubborn refusal to finish.

The invention of the internet makes this much more difficult. You can just sit on your computer and suddenly waste hours. And, of course, none of us are just screenwriting machines: there’s work (especially for those of us who remain unsigned,) school, family and friends and other loved ones. And, of course, there are the worries related to those things on top of that.

Acknowledge those feelings but don’t dwell on them. Here’s what I do when the creative juices stop flowing:

1) Work on another project

I try to keep busy, which possibly means working on other projects. I might revisit an old project that I had not thought about in a while, or start a new one. Given time and distance you can gain a different perspective on the work you’ve been staring in the face for the past few weeks.

The result doesn’t even have to be a screenplay. Right now, for example, I’ve started work on a children’s fantasy novel. And when I start having trouble on that I can move to another project.

The problem with this is you can just end up with a bunch of unfinished projects, so try to return to an old project more often than you start a new one.

2) Get off the computer

Every once in a while, it might be good to do something totally unrelated and fun, but not something that is an “obligation” or a “requirement.” Watch your favorite movie, read something totally unrelated to work or school, or go for a walk in the park. As much as I love wasting time on the internet (as many do,) it’s better for your creative functions sometimes to get away from it for just an hour or two to recalibrate your mind.

3) Skip Ahead and Fill in the Blanks

If all else fails, what I do is just drop wherever I am in the script and write a scene way ahead of what’s going on (a scene I knew was coming and wanted to write,) and then start working my way backwards and forwards to that event. Sometimes its easier to fill in the gap between A-Z instead of trying to figure out what happens after a problematic step.

Writer’s block happens to everybody. Just relax, don’t stress it, and it’ll come to you.

In fact, even after I finished this article, I’ve started reconsidering a page 1 rewrite of a project I finished last year. I might use this space as a free form discussion of that idea. More details, as they develop.

Good luck, and good writing!

Gary Oldman: Superstar

If I were to have a villain in a movie, any movie, it would be Gary Oldman. Gary Oldman is a remarkable actor, not just for his ability to play a wide range of characters, but because he can bring genuineness. Despite myself, I sometimes find myself forgetting they’re characters, and also, sympathizing with them at times, which is the hallmark of a great actor. Oldman’s done some great supporting work though (like the rhythm section of a jazz band, he gives the soloists [like Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart] spots to shine in the Dark Knight, or the vaguely menacing yet always affable Sirius Black in the Harry Potter series.)  And yes, he is a great lead in films like Sid and Nancy or Rosencranz and Guildenstern are Dead.  But his villainous roles are where, in my opinion, he really shines.

Here are my five favorite Gary Oldman villain roles.

5. Ivan Korshunivov (Air Force One)



Ivan is the one President Harrison Ford wants off his plane. Menacing, cold, calculating, and unlike many of the others on this list, surprisingly macho, Ivan is more of a traditional contemporary movie villain. Also, his Russian accent is quite good, as opposed to the awful drawl Ford adopts in K-19: The Widowmaker.

Moment of Awesome: As mentioned before:



4. Mason Verger (Hannibal)



First off, look at the makeup job there.

I’ll admit that, like Thomas Harris clearly is, I’m a fan of the Hannibal Lecter character (the way he admonishes him in this film and book, and the later Hannibal Rising, however, is almost bizarrely fawning.) But, if you want to make a sympathetic, or at least a protagonistic, Hannibal, you need an antagonist to oppose him, so Gary Oldman puts on a good old boy accent to play Mason Verger. Like some of the later villains on the countdown, he’s effeminate (openly gay here,) and also menacing and threatening.

Moment of Awesome: If the whole plan to feed a man to giant inbred pigs wasn’t awesome enough, we have such a great intro. The way he emphasizes certain words (“the Ris”) and the way he slurs through the whole story is so mesmerizing and creepily compelling you can’t turn away, even if his face is terrifying.



3. Doctor Smith (Lost in Space)



When I first saw Lost in Space I didn’t care much for it, but it grew on me after watching it again on cable. There are some awful parts (the black hole of talent that is Matt LeBlanc,) and it tries way too hard to be a franchise film. But Gary Oldman is able to take the mincing creep that is the camp 60s Doctor Smith and turn him into something genuinely menacing. Besides his repeated attempts to kill the Robinson family, Smith’s just so sarcastic and likeable of a character in that he’s very human. That kind of falls apart when they make him the “creepy spider-monster thing” near the end, which I’d argue was some (conscious or not) attempt to enhance the abberance of this rather effeminate man raising a boy on his own (making a character who could possibly be viewed as LGBT markedly nonhuman.)

Moment of Awesome: Reviving the injured Robinson daughter (played by #2 talent vortex Heather Graham) Smith chides Penny (played by a mid-Party of Five Lacey Chabert) as “Precious” to get him his medical supplies. She resists being called Precious but the way he forces the nickname on her is absolutely great in context.

Alternatively, near the end, muttering his catchphrase “We’re doomed!” and being subsequently punched in the face.

2. Dracula (Dracula [Coppola, 1992])



Here is another example of a role that’s awesome despite the presence of another awful actor and another awful accent (both possessed by Keanu Reeves.) And again, we get the mince, and we get the menace, but Dracula here has two facets, not including the more creature feature makeup-y ones: the revivified young man, and the creepy old man so expertly lampooned on the Simpsons. We also get the same kind of excellent accent as in the previous projects; he has a great talent with using his voice and mimicking accents.

Moment of Awesome: I would count many little parts of Gary Oldman’s performance here. The shadows dancing on the wall independent of his body, the accent, the intonation, all awesome.

But the best moment comes early on, when Harker is almost seduced by some of Dracula’s vampiric minions, he comes out, takes them off him, and to appease them, gives them a baby to rip apart. Harker recoils in terror screaming, and Dracula just smiles and laughs, and raises his hand in a strange little way. I always was intrigued by Dracula's little hand motion.

Also, his dying monologue is pretty cool too.

1. Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg (The Fifth Element)



The Fifth Element is one of the great, oft-overlooked, Science Fiction films of the 90s. And part of the reason, besides delving into the kind of epic space opera that George Lucas seemed to forget sometime in the late 80s post Return of the Jedi, is in the villain. As the ruthless merchant of death Zorg, Gary Oldman limps around with a southern accent of a Mason Verger, has the cruel sibilance of Dracula or Doctor Smith, and the coldness of Ivan Korshunivov, all rolled into one plastic-headed package.

Moment of Awesome: In my favorite scene, Zorg enters the plot, threatens his hired guns, and kills them in a very manipulative way. I also like the use of the Kulsehov Effect in this scene: “Empty. The opposite of full.” The best part, however, is the last 30 seconds or so:



It's for roles like these that when I think of bad guys in movies, I generally think of Gary Oldman. He is great in supporting roles, but its in playing real villains that he gets his chance to shine.

Recommended Reading

Concise and (hopefully) witty movie reviews coupled with letter grade.  Link:

11 Word Movie Reviews

Singing a Song of the South

“This heart of mine is in the heart of Dixie
That's where I belong
Singing a song, a Song of the South”
- Song of the South

“I’ve never heard of this one…Song of the South.”
“Oh, nobody wants to see that anymore!”
“How bad could it be?”
- Journey to the Disney Vault

“That’s good old fashioned racism.”
- Peter Griffin, on the crows from Dumbo



Song of the South (1946) is the only Disney film that hasn’t been re-released on video, and, considering the number of crap sequels they made (Cindarella 3? Really?!) you’d think they’d cash in on the controversy related to Song of the South, which is supposedly quite racist.

In fact, the movie is the basis for one of the more popular Disney rides. Splash Mountain:



The signs on the line even quote parts of the movie: “not your time, but not yet my time,” as just as an example, and use songs like “How Do You Do?”, “Laughing Place,“ and “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah.”



On the surface: yes, this film is racist. But not in a way of blatant inferiority as mocked by TV Funhouse’s lyrics or even proposing some black people necessarily enjoyed being slaves (like D.W. Griffith’s The Birth of a Nation.) The story is about a Antebellum young boy named Johnny who goes with his parents from Atlanta to visit his grandma’s plantation and the lessons he learns from Uncle Remus and the stories of Brer Rabbit.

Tangentially, the film stars a young Bobbie Driscoll, who you might recognize as the voice of Peter Pan, as Johnny. Hattie McDaniel, the Oscar-award winner from Gone with the Wind, plays another slave here, as Johnny’s house maid. She, if you recall, doesn’t know nothin’ about birthin’ no babies.



Johnny runs away when he finds his father had left the plantation without him. He finds a slave camp, singing some of the stories “Uncle Remus said” and catches the storyteller as the rest of the camp goes looking for Johnny. He makes friends with a white girl named Ginny and a black boy named Toby. He soon learns to not miss the support of his father, and instead long for the support of Uncle Remus.



In fiction there was this idea of “the magical negro,” and there is not a more magical negro than Uncle Remus as he uses the stories of Brer Rabbit and the other “critters” to teach Johnny (like not running away from home.) The stories of the Brer Rabbit take place in a “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah” kind of day, where the critters (who talk in the black vernacular,) were closer to the folks (there are no people seen in the film with the animals besides Uncle Remus) and Uncle Remus posits things might have been better. Ok…that’s just a tinge racist.



And yes, “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah” is from this movie.

The use of both live action and animation used together here would later be refined in films like Mary Poppins and Who Framed Roger Rabbit. But it’s still fairly convincing.



Lessons from the Brer Rabbit stories:
1) “You can’t run away from trouble…there ain’t no place that far.”
2) Be cautious and aware of potential trouble. “Don’t mess with somethin’ you got no business with in the first place.”/”Use your heads and not your feet.”
3) “Everybody’s got their laughing place.”

Important lessons to learn on the plantation.



The argument here of a “happy plantation” covering up the horrors of slavery is a decent one, but I don’t think it’s the whole story. Even keeping in mind, I found a good mix of “positive” and “negative” white and black characters, so I don’t think it’s a fully accurate representation of “a simpler time” but at least there isn’t a whole cloth “whites are good/better, blacks are bad/worse” argument presented. One of the strongest counterpoints here are the “Faber boys” two little white brothers who act like the critters Brer Fox and Brer Bear (small and fast talking vs. big and slow.)



Despite some…stereotypes and hackneyed representations of African-Americans, this film is not too racist (with films like Birth of a Nation for comparison.) And this is not keeping into account some of the equally racist objects in Disney films that have remained uncut like:

“What Makes the Red Man Red”:


“We are Siamese if you please”:


The “Good Neighbor” propaganda dyad that is Saludos Amigos/The Three Caballeros:


And, of course, the crows from Dumbo (note one of those crows is named “Jim,” and there is a joke about hanging from a tree a little before this song starts):


So, if these things are okay, I don’t quite understand why this film isn’t part of the Disney capitalist machine while all these others have had some kind of subsequent rerelease.

And yes, the film is racist, but so are the above, so are a lot of films. It’s the responsibility of parents to discuss these kind of issues with kids. Yes, slavery was and is bad, and these attitudes have become outdated, but instead of trying to discuss these anachronistic attitudes in these films (and others), these sorts of scenes are cut for being racially insensitive in many films.

Dialogue is better than repression.



So, in six words: not as bad as I expected. But then again, I was expecting stuff like watermelon-eating, "yassuh" "nosuh" and "We done like it down here, suh." But any controversy is definitely unwarranted.

One Final Bat-Blog: The Dark Knight Review

This will be the last time I talk about Batman for a while, I swear.

I’m not a “glass is half full” kind of person. So, with that in mind, here are my problems with the Dark Knight: there’s maybe half an hour (maybe 40 minutes) that could have been cut and still keep the beating heart of the movie alive, the editing for the fight scenes are a little too choppy for my taste, and the ending was a tad weak. (The latter two were issues I also had with Nolan’s previous outing, Batman Begins.)

That out of the way, it is now time to unleash the fanboy.

This is probably the greatest Batman movie ever. Better than Burton, better than Begins. And there are two principal reasons why.

The first is the script. The script is incredibly strong thematically, which is no surprise given Batman Begin’s strong thematic focus, but instead of focusing on the mechanics of fear, this is really a movie about justice, about the law: is Batman doing the right thing in taking the law into his own hands? Is he serving a higher ideal or he is just another problem? The dialogue is crisp if spartan, and the set pieces are excellently executed.



The second was one man, and it wasn’t Chris Nolan. Heath Ledger gives the kind of performance people are going to remember, and not just now, but in many years. He took the character and made it all his own. The sneering falsetto, the lip-licking, the nasally shrill laugh, his shuffling jumbled gait equal parts Charlie Chaplin and loping rabid wolf. Heath put a lot of thought and a lot of effort into knowing who the character was and what he wanted him to be, and it really shows. Two scenes that really touched on this the best were his interrogation scene and the scene in the hospital.

Despite Ledger’s performance, every character gets about equal face time, which is good. Weaker writers or directors (myself included) would have been transfixed by the raw charisma of his character, like a man on fire running through the street. But everyone gets their moments, their payoffs, their character arcs, and nobody is the worse because of it.

So, do I agree with Kevin Smith’s assessment of “Godfather II of superhero movies?” Not entirely. But do I agree with the current general critical assessment (94% positive reviews on Rotten Tomatoes?!)

This movie is worth your time, even if you don’t read comic books, even if you don’t like superhero movies or action movies. It will win you over. A.

Honorary FFF: Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker

‘Tis the season, the one where Robin laid an egg and the Batmobile lost its wheels. With The Dark Knight preparing to make gangbuster boffo box office (industry insiders are predicting anywhere from 100-150+ million dollar debuts for the film) the blogosphere is buzzing with anticipation. And not just if Heath Ledger deserves an Oscar nod (it’s hard for me to say from what I’ve seen, but I’m preemptively agreeing since he’s electrifying on screen.) Before I do my “Top 5 Jokers“ (to decide where Mr. Ledger places,) I want to talk about one of my favorite Batman movies of all time.



No.



Nice, but no.



Sheesh, no way.



Not to be confused with the NES game of the similar name:



I expressed my adoration of the Dini-Timm Batman Animated Series before, but it bears repeating: in my opinion, it’s one of the best cartoons pretty much ever. Batman Beyond, also called “Batman of the Future,” like the unfortunate “The Batman” which followed, was designed primarily to sell toys. It chronicles Bruce Wayne’s replacement, Terry McGinnis, who’s groomed in the place of the new Dark Knight in a futuristic Gotham.

The show was kind of blah, most of the villains were too, but this is movie almost redeemed the show (as did a subsequent episode of the much better Justice League Unlimited around this timeline, called “Epilogue,” which tied it in to the rest of what fans have dubbed the DCAU.)

Mark Hamill is one of my favorite actors to portray the Joker because, like I get the sense Ledger does, he really understands the character. Jack Nicholson made the Joker a little too friendly, with his grin and just a hint of psychopathy, more charm and less terror, than is really necessary to capture the evil of the character. He is still governed by some semblance of sanity, and doesn’t seem to be in it just for the fun.

Return of the Joker was eventually cut into a PG version, but it was originally made and later released in an “unrated” (but more PG-13 version, which is where the clips I’m going to show are from,) and, for his return to the role here, we get a Joker who delves into darker territory than Broadcast Standards and Practices would rarely permit.

But I’ll avoid going too far into “The Joker’s a stone cold badass,” although it is my primary praise for the film. So, to get it all out of my system:

The Joker doesn’t get to kill anyone on TV, whereas in the comics he’s the villain other villains tell horror stories about, infamous for killing a Robin, crippling a Batgirl, and gassing a class full of kindergartners. Although other actors have captured the humor of the character, or the laugh, few but Hamill (and I’m reserving judgment for Ledger until I see the film in full) really capture the menace throbbing underneath the surface.

The film starts with Batman foiling a robbery of Jokerz (a gang of criminals modeled after the Clown Prince of Crime, who he routinely struggles with on the show,) until we learn just who they’re working for.



As the Joker menaces Bruce Wayne and Terry, we learn why Bruce refuses to believe the Joker has returned.



I don’t want to spoil the twist, although it’s fairly obvious who the Joker is (even with the red herrings thrown about.) But, a large part of the plot features Terry figuring this out for himself.

Other than this primary feature (Mark Hamill,) there are some other things I can say in praise of the film: the production design is pretty cool, creating a bleak neon-colored Gotham that feels like it could be in the future, and all the other voice actors hold their weight (some other recognizable talent would be Melissa John Hart and Henry “The Man” Rollins.) The script isn’t the best, but it’s good, and the pacing is great. It’s a fun movie and the crew clearly holds the source material in proper regard (which is important in my opinion with doing any adaptation.) All in all pretty solid in terms of technical craftsmanship, nothing.

The final set piece of the film worth mentioning is the fight between Terry and the Joker, who holds his new opponent in disdain to the “genuine article.” Which is a great fight scene (barring the second, the second best in the movie.)


”Don’t play psychoanalyst with me, boy!”

I like this movie, and if you’re looking for a fun Batman romp on video and all are Burtoned and Shumachered out, since The Dark Knight might be packed, give this a rent. B+.

Oh, by the way, if you aren’t planning on seeing The Dark Knight, I thoroughly recommend it.

Part of the Batman Blogothon at:



http://bigmikesmovieblog.blogspot.com/