Alternate Take on Jennifer’s Body

NOTE: Before settling on my more conventional review of Jennifer’s Body, I played around with writing a review “in the style of” a Diablo Cody character. The (somehow vaguely infuriating) results are here for your (and my) enjoyment.

I don’t pony up the big bucks to go to theaters too often, Kemosabi, but Jennifer’s Body got me try-curious. Would it be another Juno, or “d’you-know this is a good movie?” So, I blindfolded myself and took the Pepsi Challenge. I wasn’t totally electroshocked but at the same time it wasn’t totally awful-waffle.

Megan Fox is a Succubus, and she doesn’t just play one on TV. She’s kind of a Monstrous Feminine wearing a Libby suit going through the local Sausage Fest for breakfast without a side of syrup for dipping. She’s supposed to be a total Betty, and more than a few bro-hams will slime me for saying it, but “I don’t know.”

The story hits a lot of the notes of some old horror subgenre classics, like The Rape-Revenge Fantasy Waltz, The Body Horror Shuffle, and goes through the Demonic Possession Minuet in 55 seconds flat, played through the Alp Horn of semi-Sapphic post-feminism. RICOLA!

Bitch still got less characters than a monologue, and I ain’t got time for that jibber-jabba. Although she’s put the majority of the lines into the tiny thumbs of Megan Fox, it still managed to totally Outbreak in the whole movie.

The bar for me was pretty low if this were a pole vault, or high for a limbo, but Jennifer’s Body more or less cleared it either way. Hey Mikey, I liked it, but overall it wasn’t much hotter than Nick Lachey’s old band. You can Wikipedia that shit.

Sorry, gotta go, my hamburger phone is ringing. I’m Audi, 5000.

Jennifer’s Body

My feelings on Juno are well documented. Very much so. And my complaints, I feel, still stand. Juno is extremely lacking in individual characterization. Although I have no problem with stylized dialogue (c.f. Billy Wilder, or Quentin Tarentino,) Juno suffers from having characters with extremely idiosyncratic diction and a very particular rhythm performing in such a way that is frustratingly similar by multiple actors. Jennifer’s Body is Diablo Cody’s follow-up to Juno, a pseudo-horror film-cum-comedy about a succubus (played by Megan Fox) who feasts on the boys in a small town in Michigan.



DO I GET TO YELL AT THE HEAVILY TATTOOED FORMER SEX WORKER WHO APPEARS TO HAVE WON AN OSCAR THROUGH DUMB LUCK?!

No, my favorite irate space monster and movie review device. I actually liked Jennifer’s Body. It’s actually one of the first American horror movies I’ve liked in a long time.



YOU HAVE BETRAYED YOUR IDEALS, PUNY HUMAN! MORBO WILL DESTROY YOU!

Allow me to clarify:


Jennifer’s Body has its pro’s and it has it’s cons. First the pro’s:

#1) Genre awareness

I like a movie that knows what came before it, and Jennifer’s Body knows it’s stuff. It comes off as a sort of post-Feminist exploration of the possession/body horror/rape-revenge subgenres of thrillers with heavy dashes of Sapphic homoeroticism thrown in for good measure. It’s probably not for everyone (this blogger at Fangoria didn’t seem to get it,) but I like the attempts to play with these tropes in a new light. The comedy elements fell flat for me, and most of the times I laughed were usually more “laughing at” the movie than “laughing with” it.

#2) Story Structure

When I was trying to think of nice things to say about Diablo Cody as a writer, I came up with this: she has an impeccable sense of story structure and how to go through the beats of a story. She’s very good at dedicating the amount of time she needs to for information and to build suspense and tension and to release it, with some interesting twists along the way. As a storyteller, I can respect her knack for this.

#3) Women Filmmakers!

I am a big proponent of seeing women and people of color in production positions in film and TV, and Jennifer’s Body is written and directed and edited by women filmmakers. So, that’s a plus in my book.

#4) Characterization improvement

The Juno-speak (or more accurately it seems based on interviews I’ve seen with Diablo Cody, Cody-speak) is limited here. Jennifer is the one character who spews bizarre nonsensical catch-phrase-y desperate attempts at wit as though she’s getting paid per attempt, although one peripheral Asian girl character also comes close. Although a few other characters throw out little bits of this every now and again, thankfully it’s few and far between.

But it ties into my first con…

#1) Limited Characterization

When people aren’t speaking some variant Juno-speak, they tend to be incredibly flat lines. This isn’t as bad as many of the actors are able to add some nuance to what might otherwise be a rather uninteresting character (J.K. Simmons immediately comes to mind in his role as the one-handed teacher.) And I must reiterate that I’m happy that not everyone talks like they’re these incredibly verbose and speaking their own unique little vernacular, but at the same time, I felt those other characters could have used some subtle tweaks here and there.


#2) The Ending

Without spoiling anything, the movie’s ending is completely unnecessary and unsatisfying. I would have been just as fine with it ending about five-ish minutes early.

An 11 Word Movie Review is in the pipeline for this. Needless to say, it will score higher than Juno, but not by much. It was fun, a good potentially-cult movie, and possibly worth seeing, although I give it a lukewarm recommendation at best.

Top 5 Non-Iconic Musical Moments

Since Al Jolson mumbled “Wait a minute, wait a minute, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet,” screen sound has been as crucial a part of the filmgoing experience as anything else. This includes things like voice, like, and music. There are plenty of examples of crucial, iconic, moments from movies where music plays a substantial role. But, today, I’ll be looking at five of my favorite examples of briefly featured music from movies that, although not crucial to the story, and not the part of the movie that everyone else typically remembers.

As a disclaimer, and for reiteration, this isn’t including a lot of musical pieces that are big parts of the overall push of the film and generally aren’t story-relevant. So, although I might have a secret warm spot in my heart for Part of Your World:



Or Enid Coleslaw dancing to Jaan Pehechaan Ho at the beginning of Ghost World:



And I might have been extremely tempted to put Jessica Rabbit singing “Why Don’t You Do Right?” on the list:


But they aren’t on the list. They’re great songs, outright awesome musical moments, but this isn’t as much about awesome musical moments as it is about random background music that sticks out to me and makes me say to myself, “Hey, I like that song” and severely tempts me to make a trip to the iTunes store.

If I couldn’t find the relevant clip in question, I would try to find the music video, and, barring that, the last resort will be whatever usable clips I can find.

HONORABLE MENTION:

This is not really about movies, but about the video game Portal. Portal is an awesome 3D platforming puzzle game done by Valve Labs (best known for coming up with shooters like Team Fortress 2 and the Half-Life series.) The theme of Portal, Still Alive, was written by singer-songwriter Jonathan Coulton, who is well known amongst a small fanbase for heartfelt love songs and emotional explorations amongst objects and characters that we don’t commonly give such thoughts (some of my favorites include Skullcrusher Mountain, Code Monkey, and Tom Cruise Crazy.) There is a proportional relationship between how nerdy you are and how much you like these songs; for the record, I like his songs a lot. Still Alive is a song about how the main character failed to kill crazy sarcastic killer robot GLADOS.



It’s not really about movies, unless I argue Portal is a rather cinematic video game, which is kind of a stretch. But it’s pretty much my favorite song out of a video game. And it’s a great song, so enjoy getting it stuck in your head.

5.


Song: Blue Monday
Artist: Flunk
Film: Nancy Drew
Commentary: Those of us who grew up either late Gen-X or early Gen-Y will probably remember a considerably different version of Blue Monday


And people who are considerably more music aware and/or older will remember the original version done by New Order:



Nancy Drew is one of those movies that I didn’t want to like as much as I did, and if you claim I liked it I will start shouting louder than some of those people at town hall meetings (this dose of scathing political satire has been brought to you thanks to Son of Double Feature.) But it’s a pretty cute, funny, movie, and this song more or less blindsided me.

They also had a great cover of Kids in America by The Donnas, and Dare by Gorillaz amongst the musical awesomeness. Apparently the music supervisor and I have some common ground musically.

4.

Song: First We Take Manhattan
Artist: Leonard Cohen
Film: Watchmen
Commentary:
I ended up hearing this song at the theater during the credits for Watchmen and downloaded it immediately that night. The fact that they couldn’t find some place to cram a snippet of this movie into the movie proper is a shame. But I left the theater, and I left it dancing. Leonard Cohen, of course, is an excellent songwriter, and this is one of my favorite songs he did, if only for, “I don’t like your fashion business, mister.”

3.

Song: The Imperial March
Artist: John Williams
Film(s): the Star Wars series
Commentary: If you’re like me, this song begins running through your head when dreaded authority figures are striding through the hall. With the exception of the overture, this is probably the most recognized piece of music from the movies, and with good reason. It’s loud, it’s big, it’s in your face, like the Empire itself, it dominates. And it’s probably the best music a cape-swooshing villain could hope to follow him.

2.

Song: Every Me and Every You
Artist: Placebo
Film: Cruel Intentions
Commentary: I previously mentioned the most iconic part of Cruel Intentions. (I am not up to it, so please insert your own relevant lesbian joke here.) All Sapphic makeout sessions notwithstanding, I remember watching this movie, and after Ryan Phillipe’s character (Sebastian) drives off humiliating his psychiatrist’s daughter, this song is pumping as he drives his awesome car down the freeway. It is extremely mid-90s jangly vaguely alterna-pop in that at times magical period after Nirvana but before Limp Bizkit. The video is also pretty standard fare (cut between movie clips and live performance.)

And…the number one 1 choice…


Song: Partyman
Artist: Prince and the New Power Revolution
Film: Batman (1988)
Commentary: There are probably more iconic scenes out of Tim Burton’s Expressionistic foray into Gotham City. “Where does he get all those wonderful toys.” The parade scene. Batman and Joker’s final confrontation on the clock tower. But my favorite scene has, and always will be, the one where the Joker defaces all the paintings. And this song is probably the perfect accompaniment to that scene. And he indeed rocks a party like no other can.

But what are some of your favorite non-iconic musical moments? Comment and let me know!

Ponyo

Ponyo (Miyazaki, 2008) is the latest (and most likely final) offering by Hayao Miyazkai, whose previous works include Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, and, of cource, Porco Rosso. The dub and distribution of Ponyo, as for all recent Miyazaki work, is being handled by the Walt Disney Corporation.

Starting off with the negative: my first and major complaint with Ponyo lies in the story. In terms of narrative, it is rather lacking, the conflict completely peters out in the third act, and some of the characters are more loose sketches than fully fleshed-out well-rounded characters.


But, films aren’t (as much as I loathe to admit it) just about narrative. In terms of almost every other technical and emotional element, Ponyo really shines.



No surprise given Miyazaki, but Ponyo is breathtakingly beautiful, especially in the backgrounds. The animation is generally breathtaking, and the story, despite the flaws I addressed above, is very emotionally engaging and poignant.



Should you see Ponyo? Are you under the age of 7? If so, I commend your grasp of advanced vocabulary and reading comprehension for having read this article. Tip of the hat, young geniuses. You’ll probably like it, and see some striking maturity and raw emotions that are often ignored by contemporary “family films.” Are you a parent? You should enjoy this film quite possibly as much as your kids do, although they might deal with it in different ways than you do. Disaffected, pretentious, childless hipster? You mean you haven’t seen it yet? No, in all seriousness, and without hyperbole, this is fun for the whole family.



Overall, it’s on the borderline of a B+ and an A-. However, the emotional artistry of the film pushes it over to an A-.

Happy Birthday!

MORBO WISHES TO CELEBRATE THE WHELPING OF THIS PATHETIC HUMAN!

Thank you very much, Morbo.

I WILL DESTROY YOU!

Morbo means he loves you.

I love you too, you space monster, you.

Expanded 11 Word Review: End of Evangelion

I wouldn’t call myself a full-blown anime fanatic by any stretch of the term. Like almost every nerd in the mid-90s, I went through an anime phase, and I have fond memories of a lot of the horribly butchered dubs that were in syndication in my Junior High days (Dragon Ball Z and Sailor Moon, I’m looking at you... I’ll prove my nerd cred by namechecking the Samurai Pizza Cats.) I’m also a huge fan of Hayao Miyazaki, as I mentioned in my Porco Rosso review. But I would say my interest in most anime now is casual at best. If I find a series or a film I like, I don’t bias the medium one way or another. But I also wouldn’t get into something just because of its country of origin, and the style isn’t as offensive to me as some more old school animation fans.

I ended up watching Neon Genesis Evangelion this summer more or less by accident. I’m a huge fan of FLCL, another extremely out there anime, which was produced by the same studio (Gainax,) and I had heard that a lot of the show was sort of in reference to this one. So, finally, on a whim, I started watching. After watching the 26 episode series, I ended up watching the theatrically released film End of Evangelion that was released shortly after the show’s run. The show plays heavily and subverts the conventions of the “Giant Mecha” subgenre of brave pilots controlling giant robots and using them to fight other robots.



The show (and film) focus especially on Shinji Ikari, a neurotic teenage pilot of one of the EVA units, and his battles with the monstrous robotic Angels who threaten the earth, as well as his relationships with his fellow (female) Eva pilots, his (almost all female) superiors, and his strained relationship with his father and commanding officer Gendo Ikari. This film deals with the climax of an apocalyptic “Third Impact,” and the struggles of Shinji’s inner turmoil to make sense of his life.

This leads into one problem. The first issue I could see with this movie is it’s basically incomprehensible. Taken in context with the final two episodes of the series (which are folded into the second half of the film,) and with my own understanding of Judaic-Christian imagery and Lacanian psychoanalysis, it still took me two viewings to get a basic understanding. The plot almost defies summary, and I would be hard pressed to actually recommend this movie to someone not already familiar with the show. A lot of the issues of Third Impact it has to do with Self-Other binary issues and a sort of anxiety about reintegration with the self and a focus on suffering that seems almost masoochistic in nature (whether people would prefer to exist without pain and boundaries or not.)

As confusing as this might seem based on the last paragraph, I really enjoyed this movie. It’s erratic and nonsensical in a lot of ways, but it’s also a lot of fun. It’s really profound in a lot of the issues it explores, psychoanalyzing Shinji (and a lot of the side characters) and exploring and deconstructing their motivations in a way that’s extremely Neo-Freudian.

I have to admit part of the reason I like this movie is how it basically falls into place into a manner that I can pick apart as a film scholar. It seems like a really rich text for analysis almost on purpose (as a matter of fact, as of the writing of this article, I’m preparing a paper for submission analyzing the film’s depiction of the feminine and motherhood as a method for individualization.)

The ending sequences also has some interesting uses of animation to explore some very heady issues about how people relate with themselves and with others.


Even if the story is confusing, the action is straightforward and really exciting. I really liked it, and I’d recommend if you’re open to the idea of having a Japanese anime mess with your head, and not be afraid of not getting all of it, you check this out. I give it an A- in my 11 Word Review.

It is (at least for now) available both dubbed and subtitled on Youtube, so check it out.

Derek Domike and The Half-Blood Prince

Six Harry Potter movies have been released over the past 8 years, with two more currently in production (representing the last book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.) The franchise is incredibly prolific in both its print and film forms, making author JK Rowling the wealthiest woman in the United Kingdom.


As a somewhat scrawny (although I, like star Daniel Radcliffe, have been bulking up a bit) brown-haired Caucasian male with glasses, I was a lightning bolt scar away from “The Boy Who Lived,” at least at first glance to people who don’t really look closely at me. I don’t particularly welcome the comparison, but it has been made (multiple times, to my chagrin.) This made me exploring the Bildungroman of the novels something of a painful chore. So, in a way, this one is a little personal for me.

For the next six days at 11 Word Movie Reviews I’ll be posting reviews of all the Harry Potter movies. My thoughts, overall of the franchise, are they are generally solidly made and dependable, if occasionally unremarkable. I always enjoy watching the Potter films, even though I wouldn’t call myself a fan of the franchise in general. But as, I guess, a casual outsider, this might give me a chance to be slightly less biased than reviewing say, The Dark Knight. (If you didn’t catch how ridiculously in love I was/am with this movie, here you go.)



Overall, Half-Blood Prince did not disappoint, but it did not necessary surprise either. My brothers, having read the books, told me about parts that were shortened or excised, and that they felt were suggested at to fans in a manner almost akin to “you should be familiar with this.” Having not read the books, I really didn’t notice this, and the story should make sense, although the movie does seem to presuppose you’ve seen the other five parts (which, in all likelihood, one has.) The movie flowed pretty well, it dragged a bit in the second act, and it is pretty long. But, with the prices of the multiplex the way they are, I find less and less reason to complain to a movie for at least keeping me entertained for the time allotted.

The special effects were good, and a general kudos to the screenwriters for their adaptation (trimming a rather sizeable book into this was likely a challenge.) Everything, overall, was about par if not slightly better than average, and looking back on it, I didn’t really have any complaints. If you’re a fan, you’ve already seen it, and if you generally dislike the franchise, I doubt this movie will change your mind. But I generally find them solid (if not spectacular) pieces of filmmaking and thoroughly enjoyable.

What stood out for me was the acting, especially amongst the younger cast. Over these six films we’ve seen a lot of growth and improvement in the craft of Daniel Radcliffe (Harry,) Rupert Grint (Ron,) and Emma Watson (Hermione,) although overall I don’t think anyone will keep them in mind when Oscar season comes around. Tom Felton (playing Potter’s rival Draco Malfoy) is given a lot of storytime this time around and he seems to shine in it. The adult cast, including a lot of luminaries of British filmmaking, does a great job as well. I particularly enjoyed the over-the-top manner of the villainous Death Eaters.


(I have decidedly mixed feelings about Potter fandom as well.)

The grade I give this movie, alongside the rest of the franchise, will be shown soon.

In conclusion, here’s how I would rank the films in terms of quality:
Order of the Phoenix
Prisoner of Azkaban
Half-Blood Prince
Goblet of Fire
Sorcerer’s Stone
Chamber of Secrets

If you haven’t seen it, I’d recommend it, especially for Potter fans, but I would definitely recommend you go rent the series up to this point and catch up and watch it as well. It’s definitely not a disappointment, and worth the price of admission. They also definitely are, in the most hopelessly cliché way imaginable, fun for the whole family.