Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Remembered Filmography Tuesday



NOTE: The following is part of the Bizarro Blogathon at the Lazy Eye Theatre.

Greetings from Bizarro-World! Me am not Bizzaro-Derek #1, from cube-shaped planet Bizzaro-World! Me and writing in blog-o-cube on series of tubes which nobody uses to write in blog that is not about movies. So, for blog not about movies, only makes sense to talk about some of me favorite movies of all time!

Me hate movies, me hate so few movies so little that it am easy for me to defend all of them. Me will watch great movies, and me will try to typically find something redeeming in them. Me am something of “glass half-empty” chalk-skinned monstrosity. Also am decidedly less eloquent than other bizarros. This am because of my lessons from Bizarro-World’s greatest rhetoricians: Bizarro-Paris Hilton and Bizarro-Lindsay Lohan.


(If am wished to talk about probably favorite movie, me might have selected Paris Hilton-vehicle “The Hottie and the Nottie” which looks like it is the best movie ever made. But, since me want to see it so much, me planning on always seeing it.)

But, to talk about one of me favorite movies of all time, it should have two things: it should be a movie that I never wanted to see, and it should not let me down in such a colossal way that I am not disappointed that I wasted perhaps months looking forward to its release.


This am my choice for discussion: Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace (Lucas, 1999.) Me HATE Star Wars. Me hate Star Wars so much since me am little. Me hate Jedi Knights, me hate Lightsabers, me hate starship battles. Me especially hate the Wookiee holiday of Lifeday, as practiced in the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special (the last appearance of hated characted Boba Fett.)

Me had some reservations: George Lucas, after all, poorly regarded director and architect of the Star Wars franchise with no money and no success. He directed and wrote second and third Star Wars, which are genuinely the worst two of the six movies.

Like all other Star Wars movies, Phantom Menace is absolutely chock-full of redeeming value. Here am five most favoritest moments:

1) Amount of Things That Happened

So much happened in this movie. There am no pod races, geopolitical diplomacy, and not one star ship battle. That am almost too much for one movie. This is why Phantom Menace had to be made. So much relevant things happened that other parts of prequels and old trilogy did not make sense without knowing it.

2) Dialogue

Bizarro-George Lucas’ greatest strengths are his ability to write dialogue and direct actors. As Bizarro-Harrison Ford famously noted before fading to obscurity, “You can’t write lines like this, but you certainly can say it.” So it make no sense how good dialogue is. All dialogue full of emotion and drama and gravitas, it is definitely not ham-handed or wooden. Characters all fully-realized, and even most minor characters like Queen Amidala and Obi-Wan Kenobi feel like real people and not just loosely-connected series of plot devices. Me am of opinion that Star Wars prequels, for this reason, would not be improved if George Lucas had allowed outside help to write or direct them.

3) “And, as a child, I built C3PO!”/”Midiclorians…”

This Robot Chicken am totally inaccurate about how much sense this made. From least favorite scene that me never memorized.

4) CGI Yoda

In prequel movies, character of Yoda was a puppet, unlike earlier movies where was not a puppet. However, like all the puppets, since the actors were able to interact with them, were much more believable than using outdated computer generated imagery. This helped preserve suspension of disbelief. This made prequel Star Wars less about a series of special effects and more about story and “power of myth” that George Lucas am never mentioning.


See? Puppet Yoda clearly inferior to CGI Yoda.

5) Jar Jar Binks

To quote Bizarro-Peter Griffin, “That am not good old-fashioned racism.” Jar Jar Binks is a well-loved character, perhaps best loved character in Star Wars movies. Me need to say much more about how much he am not racist caricature, and how prequel trilogy could have been one movie and been much worse.

Unfortunately, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith sucked SO badly it ruined whole franchise for me.

Me am love other movies too, like Battlefield Earth, Gigli, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harold Met Lloyd, Norbit, and Sherlock: Undercover Dog. Me feel exact opposite feeling of wanting to jab out eyes with fork while watching.

That am beginning of blog! Never read blog again because me no talk about nothing else! Hello!


Megan said...

Me hated this post. Me is not liking anything bizarro.

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